Thursday, January 07, 2016

Wow its been forever. but now tt i'm here, i don't really know what to say.

chirstmas break is almost over (NONONONNONONOFUCKNO). so maybe itd make sense to have a quick overview of what iv busied myself with. just so i cna feel like ive not been wasting my time.

- completed our BCI class (ok, this was before the break but it gets to be here as a personal goal met)
- Christmas shopping
- sent a deepavali + xmas card to rasna (waaay overdue, but better late than never i guess)
- watched some of my recorded documentaries
- planned group 1 and 2 lessons for the first couple of weeks
- tried mellban crab beehoon
- had a steamboat xmas eve dinner
- xmas dinner
- dinner with daddy
- edible experiments (apple cheese quinoa bites, plus the usual couscous)
- visited gardens by the bay
- had a picnic w candice
- watched lots of cooking and house makeover shows
- cycled (on the indoor bike)
- yoga (tried 3 diff instructors and the pod at tiong bahru)
- watched a movie (Ip Man 3!!!!! *paper turn to stone move*HOIK!*)
- met with the Empty Vessels
- tried PU3 nasi ambeng
- revisited GUI; made bricks / fed and killed some mozzies (got a record-breaking 25 mosquito kisses on right leg alone)
- finalised wedding menu with orange clove
- met up with a wedding deco co. and a henna+make-up co.
- ring shopping
- shopping for wedding favours (which we found out yesterday was completely unnecessary since OC is providing ours)
- cleaned vacuumed my room
- museum with regina (and corn and baby jo)
- met up with the b300s bunch (we had fancy, pocket-blasting high tea)
- dinner with kifuat's family
- partied with SBF
- dental check-up
- free insurance health screening. see: my first boobie and transvaginal ultrasound... y.a.y. {:/
- cleared my desk at work
- got tricked into listening to a friend's sales
- stayed at daddy's house

- start my sirah history course (something like the "Life & Times" of the prophets)
- gardening at ComCrop aquaponics farm
- jamming with the jamsters (gonna try backbeats this time)

NOT BAD AT ALL, Amelia. for three weeks, i think i did pretty well. i actaully feel pretty good about this list cos i managed to do lots of new things see new places, learn new skills, hone old ones, meet up with people i like and people im ambivalent about but whom i like to believe added some sort of value to my life.

here are two earworms ive had this holiday:

:: Take Me to Church - hozier

the best of sacrilegious poetry. ironic how hozier looks like the jesus we all "know". i only began to pay attention to this song last week. i'd heard it several times before in the background (on the radio in a shop or in the car). but that one day i was stepping out of the house and mummy asked what my plans for the day were and i rattled the two things out; she promptly asked (for the umpteenth time in the past few months) if i was gg to mass that day and why not. i did my best not to snap back and this meant me clamming my mouth shut and giving what i can only hope was a completely deadpan expression before i disappeared behind the lift doors. as i got into the cab i asked myself if i should go to mass. just to be sure, i assured myself. and hopefully God would give me a categorical sign, something to show me that its more than ok not to feel moved by my parents' religion. the cabbie had the radio on quite audibly and as we passed the bus stop just before the road bend, hozier came on. i didn't know who he was of course, but i suddenly felt drawn to his voice and immediately became curious to know who this singer with this wonderful voice was and what the lyrics were. so i googled it:

take me to church
i'll worship like a dog in theshrine of your lies
i'll tell you my sins so you can sharpen your knife
offer me that deathless death
oh good god let me give you my life

ok...... God, is tt you?

:: Whataya Want From Me - adam lambert

test test.

Wednesday, July 02, 2014


it still amazes me and always will,  how anyone can create a song that - just by listening - i can feel exactly what the words say.  Even when i can't hear what the lyrics are.

i first saw the video and the heard the song two days ago. I couldn't make out the words but i felt the bittersweet irony in it. a song of bittersweet decadence and comforting familiarity of an inextricable melange of pain and love? of course i was hooked. and i recognised myself in her; the way i literally throw myself around the room, against the wall, onto the bed, against any surface, when my body is bursting with emotion. i am, of course, not half as graceful as wats her name, but if i did have some sort of dance training, i'd probably look exactly like she does in the vid.

i know if i let someone like maybe say, zehzeh, watch the vid, they'd go like.. oh ok nice song. or mm ok only lah. and I promise i'll try not to get frustrated by the lack of empathy. but i will never understand why i can feel so much through music while others can't. prob the same reason why pple like poetry or fiction or alcohol while those things just don't speak to me at all.

this post is pretty pointless. i guess i just wanted to say tt i've found a new song to make me high - a sad, ironic kind of high. If i could sing this i would. reminds me of the build up of energy i felt from listening to cosmic love. the unbeatable euphoria tt no one else i know seems to understand.

in other related news, i've met someone called taufik on an online dating chat. he looks pretty intimidating but we're having such great conversation. for the first time in a long time, i seem to have met someone new who feels music the way i do. how dangerous. cos really, while i feel it's a gift, it can really also be a curse to feel so passionately about something so intangible yet so real. (i mean music, not the man.)

i've been using this site for a the past few weeks and i'm really happy not everyone on it is as weird as one might expect them to be. ok, sorry, tt's was so terribly biased. i'm sure there are pple on the site who think i'm weird. what i meant was i'm glad to have found more than a couple of guys on the site who seem to be on the same wavelength as me when it comes to .. i dunno.. music, outlook on life, background, and (this is the language nazi in me speaking) the way they speak (or type, rather). is it horrible of me to ignore the men who "wanna b frenz wif" me? i think not. cos i think i know how much language matters when it comes to shaping one's thoughts and worldview and from experience, i know i dont seem to connect so well with pple who can't get a pun. and i wouldn't want anyone to change for me. so - there you go- i think i'm being fair by not raising their hopes. ok, so back to chatting right now. laters.

oh yes, and erm.. long time no see. haha.

Wednesday, January 01, 2014

i think, for me, the speed at which a period of time seems to have gone by depends largely on the things I think about that happened within that time span. for example, when i think bout how long I've been with this sch, time seems to have dragged on. When I think bout the summer holidays till now, time seems to have flown by. I don't really have a point to make. except that I wish blogger would stop fucking auto-correcting my posts and making my writing seem proper and unauthentic. it is very annoying.

i'm having trouble thinking of something that I did this year that was really fulfilling or memorable or rewarding. almost sleeping with shrd? ok, sorry, tt was pretty random. not falling into depression? well done on tt, Amelia. writing fantastic student reports (120 of them!)? well ya I guess tt was a pretty good effort.

it seems just yesterday tt bestie and I whatsapped one another happy new year wishes, coupled with our customary wishes for her visa situation and my dry season to go better. it's been 365 days since then... not much change. couple of times in the year, we almost made it, but it seems we're both right back where we started. ok, let's not be cynical here... Karin's thing seems pretty hopeful so i should direct all the good juju there so tt at least one of us gets wat she's been waiting for. *cross fingers*

i don't think 21-yr-old me ever imagined that things would be this way for 28-yr old me. i don't even dare to imagine now wat it would be like another 5 years from now. maybe i'd be vegetarian and living in china as a nun. FAAAR OUT. but things happen right? wthough are the things tt haven't and might not happen. about 7 hours ago i remember feeling pretty close to being depressed bout having nothing to do and no one to hold this midnight. i hope it's just the hormones. :(

Monday, August 19, 2013

Some of the things that are overdue (and that i was close to giving up hope on receiving) finally arrived today. :)))))  Quite so happy.

i hope the one i love better does not disappoint.

Tuesday, August 06, 2013

slightly less than 4 months ago, I went on a blind date. The food was so-so, the conversation was interesting for most part and even fun here and there. As we walked out, he said, "Now that I've paid for the meal, you must let me send you home."

I thought: "Wah good, saves me the long commute home-- But what retarded logic is that?"
I said: "No need lah... don't you live really far from me?"

But he gently insisted and I didn't refuse for more than 5 seconds. Since I let him pay, I also let him win. hah.

It was a nice long drive, he proved to be as funny as I hoped. I loved the way he seemed so calm.

it's hard to type any more. :(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((.

FUCK. bloody hell. so emo.

Monday, July 01, 2013


because time away from you will be good for me. for us- no, let me rephrase- because going as far from you and being as independent of you will be good for my mind and my heart. I will be doing my best to expect no messages, to not miss you, to be free to see whomever i want, to whomever i want baby.

for you, it will be no different. because it seems this goodfriendship, only one of us tries to take advantage of the times when we are both in the same country, which is not as often as i like. ours is the only ship that is adrift and without purpose. so much for being a sailor and a captain. :(

oh aren't expectations such terrible things to have.

so UK, you will have me and i will give myself to you. for i need to rid myself of this frustration of wasting time. Boarding time in 2 minutes. let's go, amelia.

Sunday, June 23, 2013

was feeling rather despondent just now. the idea of dropping it all - whatever I think we have and had - crushes me. but i was trying to convince myself that that would be the best move for me right now. for my sanity. and so i sang and i played tt patty smyth and don henley song. and cried it out and then i clicked around on youtube and wtf do i chance upon?-


JUST as i was beginning to successfully convince myself. could you make this any harder? seriously..

Monday, May 20, 2013

excuse me? excuse me.. i don't recall giving myself permission to fall in love. at least not this time and not this fast. i hope it's not because we were in bed together. wat was in the whisky you drank, baby? the alcohol that i tasted in your saliva?

these are dangerous times, yes they are. where so we go, my lovely?

Tuesday, April 30, 2013

Tonight (this mornite) is a good example of why you should never tell men you're not a virgin unless you've already slept with them. now it's descending in a downward spiral. :'( 

I suddenly feel very dirty. I am not a sex hotline and I am not going to give you my picture so tt you can wank yourself silly. if I happen to be sleeping with you and you happen to have a picture of me and happen to want to wank off, then you're welcome by all means. but otherwise, NO. just because I am not the virgin mary doesn't mean I haven't got any dignity left. and I wish blogger would stop auto-correcting my small i's and underlining all the misspelt words. you are cramping my style, blogger-  please fuck off thank you very much.

why did it take me so long to say I am upset. i'm feeling so un-nice inside right now. I don't even think I wanna meet tmr anymore.