i'm sittng in my room. with karin and roger and vien. pam and gary left just not long ago.
i loved this early morning. my zehzeh called me friends over to surprise me. and indeed i was very surprised... thanks to vien's slip of tongue and my parents' bad acting. but it was and is good nonetheless.

i love a party where people just sit round, and do their own thing and everyone just feels cool and chilled. this is better than any party i've evr thrown.

i decided not to torture myself with my own lies. i hate lying to myself cos it just burns me inside out. now me and andrew are cool, yes? {:o)

it seems like i've brought to my 18 yrs a sense of closure with all this. nothing's going to be very diff... i'm allergic to alcohol and too asthmatic to smoke anyway. but i feel like i'll start my next chapter without any unfinished laundry blocking the way. it's good this way.

i'll remember you, you will be there in my heart... ~ sophie zelmani

i hope the act in this dramatic play - tt is my life - will be as fulfilling as this moment. i will write the rest of my life this way.



photo by karin.

friday morning, i saw a woman sweep a child into her arms, like the child was a doll. later on the mrt, another young woman carried her son, cradling him in her arms. he looked like a doll. i want a doll.

have i finally knocked it into my thick head tt no guy is worth caring about? certainly feels like it. i know tt many a friend has been saying give it up, but i guess i just needed time to learn it the hard way. good for me. does this mean i'll stop being anybody and nobody's angel, and start being my own bitch? i feel like tt.

i want a doll. i will cradle him in my arms, and when he's old enough, i'll walk him to Apple Tree (some nursery or kindygarten near my hse with cute sch uniforms) everyday. and after sch, he'll tell me bout his friends and he'll hug me and kiss me. i'll have something tt is truly mine.

i turn 18 today. karol's recent laments have reminded me that i've been missng out on something that i've been legal to engage in since 2 yrs ago. i won't deny tt i've considered it before; sometimes you love someone so much, you want to give your all.
fornication used to be a moral issue for me. but the past yr and a half has been the most revolutionary yr of my life. i just took everything in; it was experimental and exciting. i rethought my values and habits: discarded some, kept some, altered some. and i guess after it all, the issue of sex diminished in its own right, becoming just another small example of something i don't want to think too much bout anymore. when one day, i find the right person in the right circumstance, i don't think i'd stop myself. much as part of me refuses, i want to believe tt fairytale love is still possible.

i've been feeling tired past 5 days till now. i know the ill has taken toll on my body. eating is now an activity i do out of necessity. i've realised tt the easiest way to kill myself is probably to starve me slowly the way i've been doing. but i'll not have such ominous speak on my bday. i think i'll wish for 3 As this yr. or maybe a good reason to want to live.

Happy Birthday to me.
the calm is comforting this sweet morning. i'll be at karin's hse in less than 12 hrs to record my new song. vien will go too. long time since we hung out, karin. looking forward to slacking with you. {:o)

tonight i feel insecurity building up. my heart is racing and i know it's not cos of my ventolin pills. stupid amelia. stupid foolish naive amelia.

last night as i cried to myself, i recollected - of a decade ago:
" daddy was crying. mummy was crying. zehzeh was crying. i was crying.
The crying and pleading and shouting and screaming suddenly comes back to me now. It comes back as a sick, sad tune. Like a tearful song, it's instruments all in beat, yet so jarring that you don't know whether to laugh or cry. i cried. i cried."

right now, i can't stop this uneasiness. i hate you amelia - you fucking liar.

the words began to stick and tears to flow. her meaning now was clear to see... wouldn't you know it; she wouldn't show it. ~ bread

i don't want to spend tonight crying myself to sleep. i wanna be high now... so high that i don't feel it. mummy, please stop asking me to go to bed. i can't sleep with the tears in my eyes. i'll sing you and me a song of the train i wish i'm taking as i lay my head down tonight.

Escape Express
amelia joaquin yeo

I woke up this morning with you sleeping there beside me.
And I kissed you for one last time.
I tried not to wake you as I slipped out the door
You don’t need to see the tears in my eyes.

Tonight I’m leaving on Escape Express,
Out of this world.
I just need to get away from it all.
There’re just things love cannot understand.

You may think I’m crazy
Cos we had it all – just you and me.
But trust me when I say you could more without me.
It’s better this way, better this way.

So I’m leaving on Escape Express,
Out of this world.
I just need to get away from it all.
There’re just things love cannot understand.

All my insecurities and frustration have been weighing on my mind.
It was only a matter of time.

Now I’m leaving on Escape Express.
Out of this world.
I just had to get away from it all.
I can only hope you’ll understand
… Understand.

today was rather sedated and hyper at the same time. when i laugh i forget. i've become as unpredictable emotions make me. because emotions don't listen to what you say. they don't do wat you think. my emotions - a whirlpool of excitement and nausea. reckon i won't make it past 20.

i am A LOT better now!! thanks to friends' prayers and medication and other miraculous stuff tt i will never understand. i can breathe now. but my stamina and weight and have suffered extensively- today, just walking from blk 53 to canteen 3 left me panting; and i felt like a clothes hanger for my suddenly-loose retro tanktop and bell botts. the eczema on my fingers is spreading to my arms and legs. just now as i applied steroid cream to it, i thought to myself: i am cursed. who will ever want to hold my hand? Now i think maybe i was getting a bit paranoid; i would never go out with someone who was so obsessed with outer beauty anyway. but i know tt thought will come back to haunt me sometime soon.

i tried telling my mother tt my eczema might be an allergic reaction to all meds i've been on for the past wk. she said the only cause of all my allergies is my messy rm. come on... it's not that bad ok. i thought bout telling her bout the demons in my room, who've been giving me nightmares and making me sick (no, i'm not joking). but i decided tt she was gona just nag more. so i didn't. well, it's just my loss i guess.

i've been wondering... will deutsche bank retrench my dad over the amt of money he's costing them while claiming for my medical bills? oh, i just realised, paula cole's I Don't Wanna Wait is #666 on my playlist. tt's was random. heh.
just now as i passed the atrium, i saw tt guy frm np soccer team - the one i always used to see hanging round at our PE class waiting for soccer to start. durga, i know you know it already, but i have to say it again - I am oddly attracted to this guy.

jing left for australia already. i feel so sad tt we didn't get to spend more time together. sorry jing... i chope you first the next itme come back ok?

will time just keep passing me by like tt? somehow i can't imagine living like this for very long - practically living on my anti-Bs and meds, and apathetic ever so often. will i never be able to fulfil my present ambition of living a hedonistic bohemian life?

oh boy am i sick. struggled to breathe the whole of yesterday. used inhaler, but it wears off after an hr. then finally went to Mt. Alvernia. the doctor gave me this disapproving look when he asked me why i hadn't come in earlier cos my condition was really bad. they put me on the inhaler (the tank type). and for those 10mins, i took in only pure oxygen. i'm not sure if they added anything else to the gas, cos it tasted kindof salty... ugh.
i'm not sure why, but when i told mummy tt i needed to go to the hospital, i was so tickled by the idea. somehow going to the doctor's always tickles me. (not good in this case, since i could barely breath, let alone laugh). anyway, i got to take home the plastic breather thingy i used with the tank inhaler; i can bring it with me t any GP and attach it to their tank inhaler for instant oxygen boost. yea! haha. shit i still can't breathe.

today i sat round thinking of things to do. turned the radio to symphony (yes, i do like classical music) and did a few jigsaws... bout 4 or 5 i think. then finished my Dogbert book. went on to read Douglas Coupland's Life After God. (thank you andrew for recommending it) it's got some pretty good stuff. you can borrow frm me as soon as i'm done.

couldn't go for cousin gertie's wedding cos i was sick. thank God. my poor zehzeh was stuck in the car with grandpa and daddy and aunty bino. at the lunch, she was stranded at the same table as daddy, aunty bino and (vien, guess who!!)....Dr. Dev!
tt fucker. i hate him. ugh... i knew they were having an affair - him and aunty bino. it's disgusting. well, while we're on the topic of my family's affairs, i think it's also apt to mention tt daddy is having an affair with aunty jessie. and i'm not sure wat happened to tt girlfriend of grandpa's... oh the sick world that is ours.
if you really look at it, i'm actually a product of hand-me-downs. if you don't know what i mean, approach me anytime i'm free and ask me to paint you a picture of my family's very very unconventionally-extended family. then, we will also discuss my chances of unwittingly continuing this twisted family (er-hmm) tradition. (please note, the previous mentioned activity might take a whole day. so only ask me, if you're really free.)

i hope i don't have sars. no, i am not kidding. i'm really worried. sore throat, flu and cough, breathing laboured, backaches and headaches (last 2 are probably due to tt time of the month, but i'm still scared). i considered asking Godma to pray for me, but i didn't; i've fallen out with God and i don't wanna be praying just cos i'm in need. cos tt's all i ever do - pray only in times of need. put simply, i'm just guilty ok. i don't want to ask something of someone whom i've abandoned. i don't know wat's left for me anymore. i just don't want to die right now. not this way.

Which [5 Elements] are you?

when i picked up my guitar just now, my fingers made imprints on the dust. strummed and plucked some nonsense and watever i could remember. i just don't feel so much like playing it anymore nowadays.
went to doctor's yesterday morning, so i missed PR. then very reluctantly skipped NewsWriting and WebD so i could stay at home and rest. i've got a flu, a cough, and now asthma attacks. congratulations amelia! now doesn't this whole sickness thing seem so familiar... sometimes when i'm this sick, i just think i'd be better off dead. i mean, wat kind of a sick joke is God pulling huh? - giving someone life, then making it so difficult to live...
i think i'm beginning to sound like one of those pple who just sit and rot and wallow in self-pity. i hate tt.

the rodrigues family went back to perth today. kendal seems to like me alot. she always gives me an extra big hug and made sure she sat next to me during dinner. for some odd reason, little kids are always sticking round me, like i've got some magnetic force or something. or maybe i have a sign pasted on me saying COME PLAY WITH ME AND I'LL GIVE YOU CANDY AND WAT-NOTS. haha. JJ always laughs at my antics, hanson always wants to hold my hand and sit with me all the time. it's really quite sweet if you think bout it. most kids just seem to like me alot.

wednesday night nearing 23 00...
"i've never thought of this before - that it's possible that i am truly happiest when i'm in the present.when the persent offers favourable and savourable sentiment. that's when i am the most content.
I'm in love with this moment. the trees outside adorned with tiny drops of rain, look like Christmas tress. they sparkle with gold and silver glitter.
Glitter... that word brings back memories of those old sch times when glitter was so fashionable. haha
there's something about the grey of the sky tt makes it so pure tonight, so innocent and unpretentious. i spotted a few sparse clouds sailing in the sea of perfect grey and i felt like someone on that ship is looking down at me and feeling the same way i do now.
the occasional lightning lights up the sky, adding to the tranquility more than blemishing it. and the sound of wheels on the wet road and the soft pitter-patter of drizzle on the ground and the cool air whispering a dream to me. nothing out of place. and nothing beats this feeling. i wish i could be part of it all, not just a spectator; but standing outside, taking it in with all my senses. watching the drops of rain and feeling it caress my face...

if i die now, i'd be at peace. Perfect peace."

just now i thought of someone i loved, a friend. and to my despair, i felt contempt. i get scared when i feel things i don't understand. for example, hating someone i don't want to hate. cognitive dissonance? or so we call it...

i'm mentally sound, physically unsound. ugh. so sick.. leaking frm both ends.

today was a rainy day. i enjoyed the rain and the chilly air. there were some things i didn't enjoy though (as with all other days). i have little recollection of these, except for the burning feelings - reminders that never go away.

how do you measure yourself? : i can make money? i look like a pretty actress? i sing like a nightingale?
not these for me, because suddenly tonight, i stumbled upon a revelation - his happiness is my yardstick.

how can i stand living my life letting my moods be determined by his? i don't know, i just do.
do you ever question your purpose in life? someitmes i wake up and i ask myself why i'm here. then i realise i don't know. and i'm not sure if i should start being scared. oh, (just randomly)... i feel nervous round the knives in my kitchen. maybe it's just me.

yesterday i pranced and i danced my spirits to a high. mummy and uncle jeffrey on anniversary trip to JB (till wed). zeh zeh was at cara's hse. that left me without good reason notto blast the radio and dance round the hse, singing aloud (80s, 90s dance hits!) while heating frozen lasagne. so i did. was so high that when i sat down to gobble pasta, the tremors in my body wouldn't relent. i was already too excited bout having had a good workout - the first since i recoverd frm throat infection). after dinner, snacked on famous amos cookies.

today, woke up with a sore throat (*gasp*can you guess why? haha) and now i'm having a bad cold. shit. i never learn my lesson... i can see it coming already: the phlegm building up, the cough, the attacks, the doctor's clinic, the anti-Bs, the inhaler, then finally... the healing. Do you do you do you have deja vu? i hope i won't hvae to skip sch. i hate PR and all tt, but i don't fancy missing impt stuff.

...darkness imprisoning me! blablablablah! blablablablah! ~metallica. haha. ravi, all your fault lah.

you and i in a little toy shop
buy a bag of balloons wkith the money we've got
set them free at the break of dawn
till one by one, they are gone... ~ nena. yeah! haha, this to all those taking german this sem. haha. and for me and karol. WUNDERBA! i say.

some thoughts that were lagging just now: wat's between love and lust? there's got to be something right?

well, moving on... some idiot scratched the only Reality Bites DVD in NP library. Do you understand the implication of this?! ah!!! it means everytiem i watch it, i will only be able to watch till the morning after scene, and then ZEK-ZEK-ZAD-- gone! ah! gone! the dumb frames just refuse to move! ah!

oh captain, my captain!
what shall i do - if i want so much to do what is untrue to the hearts of the herd?
i'll sacrifice for me, and sacrifice for thee.
it'll leave them all confused. it'll make them happy, ewentually.

ooh, i'm gooood! heh. can you spot the hidden pun? heh. Dead Poets' Society wasn't as fantastic as i expected it to be, but not bad lah. when i'm really exhausted, my legs ache, and they really ache now. so bye bye now. A dios! salut mon amis! goodiebyiieee... bad baiyee...(i loWe you, raWi! haha). hur hur... i emme so hi.

shit... dumb grudges and petty peeves are peering over my shoulder, threatening to ruin my otherwise un-bad day.
sometimes i hate playing the piano, cos i don't play. i can't play - i just try very hard. maybe it's my fault cos i'm always looking for shortcuts, but when i find i can't get it right, i feel so useless and stupid.
ya, sure, i can sing. but i've always imagined how nice it'd be if i could do a little more than that. sometmes it seems to me like everything i do is just to prove to me that i'm not that dumb. i seem to need that constant reassurance only i can offer...

am i condemned to a life as a jack of all trades? a bit of this, a bit of that. tt's all i am huh. i was gonna apologise for ranting yet again. but i'm not going to because this world owes me nothing and and i owe it nothing.

thank goodness the slight depression isn't so prevalent now. but i still hvae this unsettled feeling. as though something is missing. my heart is racing for no apparent reason and i hate it.
Olsen Olsen is helping me now... just me, my woe and my music. you go, amelia...

last night i had a nightmare - again. oh the terror and the fear. let tonight be kinder and offer more sound respite. there was a time when breathing wasn't such a bane.

listening to the radio friday night, i slowly brightened up (my mood, i mean). maybe the fact tt the day's tutorials were cancelled and i only had to be in sch for french helped. i was still a little deadbeat, but i felt sport enough to wail along to whitney houston's All At Once. was a bad idea not to warmup beforehand, but one tends not to care when one is captured by a sudden surge of bliss.

i've concluded (quite sometime ago, though i've never mentioned) that it's so hard for me to love someone (not to fall in love, but rather to love without unnecessary woe) because i think too much. and i think tt's a problem many intellectual pple face. [at this point, you'd probably be thinking that i'm some narcissistic bitch, which is partly true; but seriously, i find it hard to deny that i'm bent a little towrds the gifted side...wait, but tt's not the point!]
i've been wondering for quite a while: are pple's IQ always inversely proportionate to their EQ? but the fact that i can be quite excessively compassionate and understanding makes NO seem like the obvious answer. so i'm training myself to avoid asking me that qn. shit am i good at digressing...

so anyway, as i was saying... for one who thinks so much, it's really hard to love because i think bout it too much to feel it freely. i'm not ashamed to say i love to love and no less, i love to be loved. i wonder if Milan Kundera is lonely... i mean, really. it's not that i think such a great writer is incapable of love; but for someone who regards love the way he does (the way i like to do too), it's probably difficult to love as love is - without question.

Creepy Susie and 13 other tragic tales for troubled children by Angus Oblong

A really good book. with each story i read, i laughed louder (mind you, it is not a joke bk), while karin cringed and lamented on the tragedies. my own laughter was so incessant and strong that i was forced to ponder on why. it's not that i'm warped and twisted or that i thought the stories too ludicrous. on the contrary, i felt that they were so real and so affecting that at tt moment, the only reaction i felt was powerful enough to express this was laughter.

i know this entry's a tad lengthy, and chances are you might be bored frm reading my recent rants. but guess what? - i don't give a fuck! hah! so there! {:oP
as long as i'm on this somewhat indecisive earth, and suffering ever-fluctuating hormones, i'll write and write as i please! ah-haha!

uugh... why am i feeling so crappy? argh!

was very irritated yesterday - got to sch 2hrs 15mins early cos mummy sent me. andrew said he was free but he didn't call me. so went to library and plonked myself in front of the tv to watch CNBC business news (yes, i was that bored). made sevral attempts to walk round library, but it was too packed (with annoying yr 1s) for me to even move, rendering me immobile as i stood later at one corner trying to read backdated straits times. made a few calls and lots of msgs - but everyone was either outside smoking, having class or not in sch. when i finally decided that i wouldn't survive 3 hrs of tvprod without lunch, i adjourned to join the sea of pple in the atrium. the only comfortable seat i found was next to atm machine and so i sat there cramming pizza puff into my mouth.
are you feeling bored reading bout this? well, i can assure you this doesn't compare to what i felt yesterday.

it's indescribable - that horrible feeling that welled up inside as i sat there staring at the hoardes of pple streaming to fill up every empty space there was in np. ever since the start of sem, i've been a bit disoriented, feeling a bit lost all the time. it is not a nice feeling. i was just wishing for someone to hold my hand and tell that i wasn't in the wrong sch and that evrything will be ok.
maybe i was wrong when i said i've learnt to handle being alone.

this merciless uncontrollable indifference continued to haunt me today. i woke up an hour late and my mother wouldn't stop screaming at me till i left the house. the combination of waking up late, being shouted at and feeling lost was so overwhelming that i was actually crying when i got into the cab. i was so upset. i know everyone i've told is tired of me saying how upset i am today. but i really really need to talk it out. to top this all off, i've been plagued by lethargy; also, my cab fare to sch came up to $17.40.

i'm so sickened. i need to step off this locomotive and puke. thelocomotive of life?!... fuck, now even my metaphors are shitty.
my graphics card screwed up again so i have to use zehzeh's laptop now. thank goodness i'm lazy as fuck. otherwise i'd channel all this negative vibes into doing other... stuff.

looked through my basic spanish book and sudenly i regret taking another language. i better fucking be good at it. or else i'd be wasting my time.

i just realised: a lot of my favourite songs are under G on my playlist - songs by Garbage, Gary Jules, Gentle Waves, George Michael, Gin Blossoms, Go Sailor, Goldfinger, Goo Goo Dolls, Green Day, Guns & Roses.

i dunno what point i'm trying to make, but Good for me anyway. i won't say i love you till i hear it from you...

i do not want to enlarge my penis, see you cum, or lower my mortgage. neither am i interested in losing 10kg in 5 days or winning a free trip to hawaii. i just want to check my email.

feeling like some Fuel tonight. the turmultuous day weighs heavy on my mind. every word i breathed out attached to anvils. it's sheer lethargy perhaps. i don't listen to music that'll pull me out of a mood, but music that will empathise. Course of Nature's Caught in the Sun.
damn, i feel it coming - the moods, those dreaded moods. A Perfect Circle's 3 Libras.

went to mac's for dinner with karin after french meeting. the feelings crept in almost unnoticeably, but i couldn't stop them. and suddenly every word that my tired lips articulated was forced, leaving a bitter taste on my tongue.
last night i lay in bed, trying very hard to sleep but my consciousness wouldn't allow it. then i sat up and lectured: you can apologise for your actions, but never your feelings. why apologise for something you cannot control? something so personal without which you will not be?
then i did something that made me sleep. and now, i can't remember what it is. i'm so tired. i can go to bed now. but i know i won't fall asleep. i'll just listen to my song now... damn i hate my voice. *scoffs*

i hope that when i have children next time, they won't turn out as crazy as me. cos even though i appreciate my idiosyncratic mind, i can't say that i always enjoy it. America's Ventura Highway.

Contempt. - that word seems to stick tonight. better stop rambling; don't think tonight's writing is getting me anywhere. God help me. God... *scoffs*

i had a dream last night that was so frightful, it actually made me consider quitting bitching (though bitching's not something i do in all consciousness). i found a gun in grandpa's drwer and it was empty, but when i played with it, it went off, almost shooting uncle leonard. grandpa came out of the room, looked at me - he was furious. and he took out a big hammer and told em that he wanted to kill me so badly. the fear was so real, so horrific. then i saw granny; she was bitching bout me and she kept saying things that weren't true. i tried to defend my case but mummy was there heeding all granny said. i woke up when i heard the clinking plates in the kitchen.

so i didn't have a good rest. when to sch fatigued; head ached and stomach cramped. just before i snoozed off at 6 just now, i was conjuring up a story my head. i don't know why i do this, and sometimes i wonder if other pple do the same - i imagine a fictional situation comprising me and someone i know. and then i'll make it sad and i'll cry and stuff. then i fell asleep, feeling down and dejected. woke up with a headache... again.

my head's still killing me, so please excuse the lack of verve and emotion in my writing.

a yr in mcm has passed, yet i feel inadequate in terms of skills. is it just me? i feel like writing another song. ouch... head pain. guitar been collecting dust. i hope i don't fall into another tepid pool of nothing again. i need a good book to read. hmm... City of God? nah... too long. better sleep now. blah dee dah. demain, je me lève tôt - 6 heures et demi! uh...

went to the doctor today to inquire bout my wonky ankle. he concluded it's normal for my hyper-elastic joints to be weak and unstable; thus, he couldn't do nuts bout it. so too bad for me. oh ya, and i'm also slightly flatfooted. so he said badminton and jogging are not advisable. (!!!!!!!) then what am i spposed to do to keep fit?!

at this, mummy's all going on bout See! i told you not to jump round so much like a monkey... yada yada.
i hate it when my mother claims to know me very well (i'm your mother, i've seen you grow up. i know you very well.) then when i'm feeling dazed, she asks me why i make black face. she hates to admit she know so little bout me, cos it scares her. this morning, she kept going on and on bout how i jump and dance bout for no apparent reason. then, in an attempt to enhance her argument, she said and i don't see why you have to sleep so late!
like HUH? bad enough that i was so crushed when dr tay said no jogging and badminton, the bitch mother had to make my morning less enjoyable by nagging. anyway, point is, whole incident threw me into the kindof shitty mood where i just sit still, and give curt replies. i think some of you have seen me in this mood before (well, good for you then!)

was in church as usual this afternn. good mood. dunman rd hawker centre for dinner. sat with the kids and later kenny and martin came over to kacau and persuaded me to admit i had had a bf. haha. yeah, like watever. i remember when i had this enormous crush on kenny from sec2 all through to sec3. but i don't feel tt anymore. haha, but it was funny anyhow...

you know, i've always wanted an older brother; someone whom i could look up to and to protect me and stuff. and even though i don't have a real brother, i guess martin and kenny and some of the others could pass off just as well. it's a comforting thought: that someone's always looking out for you.

last night, just random, i wondered why my parents fell out (mummy and daddy, i.e.). and then, like always, i told myself that i wasn't ready to know. when i finally do want the truth, i'll prepare a big box of tissue for me. but till then, i'm happy knowing that i'm happier than i was. i'm still apprehensive bout marriage and stuff. haha, man... wat am i saying? am i even legal age? haha

Chicken up for adoption after stunt

SAN FRANCISCO (June 27, 6:12 a.m. ADT) - A chicken that was strapped to 100 helium balloons and sent skyward last weekend in a stunt is resting these days at the city's animal shelter as people vie to adopt it.
The chicken, nicknamed Amelia, was rescued Saturday after getting tangled in power lines. A police marksman shot the balloons with a pellet gun to bring Amelia down to safety.

Authorities said they have yet to identify the prankster, who was apparently imitating an ad that recently aired on a local TV station. The ad has since been pulled.

"This is a great chicken, a friendly chicken, a chicken that is ready for a relationship," said Kat Brown, deputy director of the shelter.

The Associated Press.


says amelia (the human one): quite sadly, i don't care much for chickens. unless we're talking indo ayam panggang.

And I'd give up forever to touch you
Cause I know that you feel me somehow
You're the closest thing to heaven that I'll ever be
And I don't want to go home right now

And all I can taste is this moment
And all I can breathe is your life
Cause sooner or later it's over
I just don't want to miss you tonight

And I don't want the world to see me
Cause I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am

And you can't fight the tears that ain't coming
Or the moment of truth in your lies
When everything seems like the movies
Yeah you bleed just to know your alive

And I don't want the world to see me
Cause I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am

I don't want the world to see me
Cause I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am
I just want you to know who I am
I just want you to know who I am
I just want you to know who I am

(Iris, goo goo dolls)

i'm scoffing at me right now. but i'll not take heed because if i don't write you the words i just did, i'd be lying to myself. and lying is not on my agenda right now.

" The wind blows past me, whispers harsh yet sweet.
Remember, remember? It seems to say
The times when you felt this way?
People were all around but the wind,
Kind yet tactless, encumbered me with its loneliness.
That night when I wanted so much to hold him.

Taking in the smells the night air brings.
It invades my mind.
Do you feel the way I do now?
Sing along to my tune
Cos I want someone who’ll understand.

See my flag of sweet surrender.
So won’t someone so sweep me off my feet.
The ground growing roots into my feet,
I want to dance so far and so free.
In love with the struggle, do I want to break free?

It’s fading now and taking its leave.
But this feeling won’t abandon me
It’ll come back for me.
And I’ll be waiting
Because I love it too. "


i'm feeling like i did on new yr's eve. it's something bout the air tonight. i remember watching the I'm With You video a hundred and one times after i first heard it not long after new yr. no, i don't like poser punk rock. but the words just spoke for me.
Won't you take me by the hand, take me somewhere new. i don't know who you are but i'm with you. i'm with you.

laugh and snicker if you want to. i don't want to care cos i'm taking it all in, relishing the narcotic melancholy. i only have this one chance to live. so i'll breathe it in again. and again. and again.

You are the fox.

Saint Exupery's 'The Little Prince' Quiz.
brought to you by Quizilla



Dream, the third of The Endless, you are in charge of the Dreaming, all imagination and creativity, everyone knows your beautiful realm, but none truly understand it. You are dark and brooding, creative, and spend a lot of time by yourself, just thinking. You are almost as serious as Destiny, but not quite. Everyone is enchanted by you, but you keep them all at a distance, even when you shouldn't.

Which Endless are you?
brought to you by Quizilla