Something tells me I’ll never fit the bill
It’s piercing me as the feeling sinks in.
Cos I know deep inside: if this is a game,
I’m not gonna win.
I’ve had my chance I guess.
I remember having fun.
Maybe I shouldn’t have been so complicated
Maybe I shouldn’t have been so difficult.
I’m actually beginning to wonder…
Wonder if this is something I can help; if I can change my fate.
I’m not holy, but I’ve always thought that for everything that happens, it’s probably part of some bigger plan.
Could I tamper with the tides; should I tickle the thorns?
Should I sit and do nothing since the charades have left me forlorn?
I made a resolution to forget the pain, the opportunity cost.
And it’s harder than it seems.
All the time I think of hope, all the time I wish.
And all the time I seem to lose.
I’ll not be one to care; I don’t want to bother.
Still, I feel the ache of loss.
it's amazing how familiar and comforting pain can be sometimes. first it hurts, then slowly you feel confused, then comforted. maybe it's the comfort of knowing tt you haven't yet descended to the lowest levels of indifference.
je vais en france en mai. but now, i'm just trying to stay alive. my breathing is laboured and i'm worried i may not survive the night. damn you, haze. damn you.
Sunday, March 28, 2004
an eventful weekend.
for starters, i got my fucking period (sorry maan) haha. in every sense of the word: sakit, sakit sakit...
then i yaya-head went to sign up for the publicity, advertising and promotions (pap) specialist mod to do all tt stuff for Tribune, Hype and UrbanWire. i also signed up for marketing and creative posts for Radio Heatwave. so i spent saturday aftnn in sch going through rounds of interviews and briefings. went relatively well, i think.
after tt, didn't go to church for practice cos i still had a scratchy throat. instead, a little high frm hormone imbalance and extreme bloodloss, i decided to tag along with ravi and clemmy instead of going jalanjalan with jon in town. went to simei jamming studio (the one adam and timmy go to sometimes) where ravi, me and clemmy met with kumar, vick and zaki. my first time in a jamming studio- fwah! too bad i forgot to bring the camera so i couldn't get a shot of ravi doing his don't-i-look-so-cute-when-i-play-bass dance. haha. they [Decipher] had 2 orgirinal songs, the first of which sounded like iron maiden. i liked tt song a lot. reminds me of the Rime of the Ancient Mariner cos zaki had some maiden thing going on with his vocals. wah power lah. i got so excited tt i couldn't stop laughing (i swear i wasn't laughing at you, ravi!). then against my better judgement, i complied when they persuaded me to sing Californication. so now i'm stuck with a bad throat. but it's ok lah. had fun. as we were leaving the studio there this bunch of stylo uncle-mats playing black sabbath (Heaven and Hell). kita all just stood outside in awe. it was really good stuff.
took a train to grandpa's hse today. tt hour got me thinking bout how we all have some memories tt we never, never forget. it's not like one of those things where you write in pple's autograph bks 'It was great knowing you. we had some great times i'll never forget!'. In fact, those are precisely the things tt, a whole yr later, you won't even be able to recall tt person's name.
the stuff you never forget are usually the stuff you don't make a point to remember. like the time in upper pri, when i found a card tt zehzeh and i had written to daddy yrs ago, asking him to come back home cos we missed him; the time at the zoo when i asked andrew wat the snakes were doing and he said 'they're doing this' then kissed me on the cheek; like the time when i was a toddler and went to a malay wedding, and someone walked passed with a cigarette and accidentally burned me; the time when aunty nako and uncle shawn took me and zehzeh to ECP so we could get away frm war mummy and daddy were raging at home; the time mummy picked up the phone and then talked laughed and when we asked, she said it was daddy on the ph; the time... the time... all the time.
i finished the pitch letter for pap in less than 2 hrs. and i'm really proud of this cos i'm a very slow writer. i was almost high when i finally emailed it to saharah. then i was bored, so against my better judgement (once again), i surfed friendster. looking at pictures of my lower sec classmates made me feel a bit regretful - tt i never really liked them because i was a misunderstood and troubled kid and no one quite bothered to get me. not their fault, i now realise. and so it's sad we all lost touch. and i see how they're also so in touch and i'm so out of touch. and i suddenly felt tt if there was one thing in my life i'd regret, it was this. and yet, i don't want to be the one to try to make amends. now i'm quite aware of the conformist inside of me. i think i harboured so much hate cos they had all i didn't... and i can't believe it still bothers me now.
for starters, i got my fucking period (sorry maan) haha. in every sense of the word: sakit, sakit sakit...
then i yaya-head went to sign up for the publicity, advertising and promotions (pap) specialist mod to do all tt stuff for Tribune, Hype and UrbanWire. i also signed up for marketing and creative posts for Radio Heatwave. so i spent saturday aftnn in sch going through rounds of interviews and briefings. went relatively well, i think.
after tt, didn't go to church for practice cos i still had a scratchy throat. instead, a little high frm hormone imbalance and extreme bloodloss, i decided to tag along with ravi and clemmy instead of going jalanjalan with jon in town. went to simei jamming studio (the one adam and timmy go to sometimes) where ravi, me and clemmy met with kumar, vick and zaki. my first time in a jamming studio- fwah! too bad i forgot to bring the camera so i couldn't get a shot of ravi doing his don't-i-look-so-cute-when-i-play-bass dance. haha. they [Decipher] had 2 orgirinal songs, the first of which sounded like iron maiden. i liked tt song a lot. reminds me of the Rime of the Ancient Mariner cos zaki had some maiden thing going on with his vocals. wah power lah. i got so excited tt i couldn't stop laughing (i swear i wasn't laughing at you, ravi!). then against my better judgement, i complied when they persuaded me to sing Californication. so now i'm stuck with a bad throat. but it's ok lah. had fun. as we were leaving the studio there this bunch of stylo uncle-mats playing black sabbath (Heaven and Hell). kita all just stood outside in awe. it was really good stuff.
took a train to grandpa's hse today. tt hour got me thinking bout how we all have some memories tt we never, never forget. it's not like one of those things where you write in pple's autograph bks 'It was great knowing you. we had some great times i'll never forget!'. In fact, those are precisely the things tt, a whole yr later, you won't even be able to recall tt person's name.
the stuff you never forget are usually the stuff you don't make a point to remember. like the time in upper pri, when i found a card tt zehzeh and i had written to daddy yrs ago, asking him to come back home cos we missed him; the time at the zoo when i asked andrew wat the snakes were doing and he said 'they're doing this' then kissed me on the cheek; like the time when i was a toddler and went to a malay wedding, and someone walked passed with a cigarette and accidentally burned me; the time when aunty nako and uncle shawn took me and zehzeh to ECP so we could get away frm war mummy and daddy were raging at home; the time mummy picked up the phone and then talked laughed and when we asked, she said it was daddy on the ph; the time... the time... all the time.
i finished the pitch letter for pap in less than 2 hrs. and i'm really proud of this cos i'm a very slow writer. i was almost high when i finally emailed it to saharah. then i was bored, so against my better judgement (once again), i surfed friendster. looking at pictures of my lower sec classmates made me feel a bit regretful - tt i never really liked them because i was a misunderstood and troubled kid and no one quite bothered to get me. not their fault, i now realise. and so it's sad we all lost touch. and i see how they're also so in touch and i'm so out of touch. and i suddenly felt tt if there was one thing in my life i'd regret, it was this. and yet, i don't want to be the one to try to make amends. now i'm quite aware of the conformist inside of me. i think i harboured so much hate cos they had all i didn't... and i can't believe it still bothers me now.
Friday, March 26, 2004
Wednesday, March 24, 2004
Cacat, kau jalan-jalan macam jantan!
hah. aku tahu, jonjon. aku tahu. i've forgotten how to walk like a girl.
my bonnie lies over the ocean,
my bonnie's little lapdog is me;
my bonnie wakeboards at seletar,
my bonnie, oh which one is he?
in my wide-eyed deadness tonight, my eyes refuse to blink. as i sat in the cab (the last of the 4 i took today), my astigmatic peepers skittered bout, flirting with the light from the road lamps outside... and i was thinking- of nothing.
i love the feeling of thursdays cos it means no sch the next day. i feel like something is missing. jon will do a tarot reading for me tmr. it's not like i believe it all; it just keeps me occupied for a while. i miss the feeling i get from running then bathing and feeling all alive and fresh. i want so much to do tt again but it won't be till another 6 mths, i reckon.
i only have one picture of me on the boat. hope tt comes out.
hah. aku tahu, jonjon. aku tahu. i've forgotten how to walk like a girl.
my bonnie lies over the ocean,
my bonnie's little lapdog is me;
my bonnie wakeboards at seletar,
my bonnie, oh which one is he?
in my wide-eyed deadness tonight, my eyes refuse to blink. as i sat in the cab (the last of the 4 i took today), my astigmatic peepers skittered bout, flirting with the light from the road lamps outside... and i was thinking- of nothing.
i love the feeling of thursdays cos it means no sch the next day. i feel like something is missing. jon will do a tarot reading for me tmr. it's not like i believe it all; it just keeps me occupied for a while. i miss the feeling i get from running then bathing and feeling all alive and fresh. i want so much to do tt again but it won't be till another 6 mths, i reckon.
i only have one picture of me on the boat. hope tt comes out.
Monday, March 22, 2004
All hail Ahmaliah, the Supermarket Auntie-Chick. wooh wooh.
watched america's next top model on channel 5 just now.
thanks andrew for reminding me to watch. was intending to but almost forgot all bout it. i like elyse. i turned on the tv and she was the first one tt i went wah not bad at. she's mine, andrew. MINE! ah-haha! ok wait, adrianne is also quite nice. she's like damn stoic kind. but tyra banks is the most wow lah.
today i caught glance of my reflection in the bus- ugh. haha. i think i can apply for s'pore's most kiampa poser face haha.
i love going to markets. when i walk bout by myself, it's like i'm having a little me-time. just for myself. of course, i also do me a favour by bringing some cash along. i went dwnstairs with the intention of getting a bowl for Maggi sales promo for ad. instead, i ended up blowing $32 shopping at G'value (le supermarche au chez moi) and Popular [maggi mee, yogurt, coloured pens, pencil lead, shaver blades, facial foam] All hail the impulsive shopper!
~Sea Monkeys~
yesterday i followed zehzeh, ian (cousin thwaites) and his friend wakeboarding. but of course, cacat with wonky knees can't wakeboard so i sat on the boat and tried hard to get a tan (in my new tannlines bikini. woohoo!). Ian's friend darren still looks like he does in his baby photo on friendster - like a baby orangutan. so considering how much i love orang utans, it was only natural tt i found him quite attractive. the boat driver (some eddie fella) must've thought i was some bimbo or wat. but he should cut me some slack; cos i can't help it if i have to apply huge dollops of sunscreen to prevent burns, and tt speedboat rides tickle me so much tt i have to giggle audibly, and tt i love whipping out my camera at the most inconvenient moments so tt i can visually document my first exciting boatride out to seletar river.
darren sent us home in his dad's car and i sat in the front seat. the fact tt i was only wearing a bikini and he was topless and we were on the main road did make it all seem a wee bit improper. but i guess it's ok to allow other road users a chance to live out their voyeuristic fantasies once in a while, jah?
he's shorter, less hairy (but then again, who isn't?) and skinnier than me; and he probably wears my shoe size.
but he's just a yr older, wears braces, is in civil defence *wink*, and looks like my favourite primate.
... so i guess the bad and good kindof balance out. hmm.
watched america's next top model on channel 5 just now.
thanks andrew for reminding me to watch. was intending to but almost forgot all bout it. i like elyse. i turned on the tv and she was the first one tt i went wah not bad at. she's mine, andrew. MINE! ah-haha! ok wait, adrianne is also quite nice. she's like damn stoic kind. but tyra banks is the most wow lah.
today i caught glance of my reflection in the bus- ugh. haha. i think i can apply for s'pore's most kiampa poser face haha.
i love going to markets. when i walk bout by myself, it's like i'm having a little me-time. just for myself. of course, i also do me a favour by bringing some cash along. i went dwnstairs with the intention of getting a bowl for Maggi sales promo for ad. instead, i ended up blowing $32 shopping at G'value (le supermarche au chez moi) and Popular [maggi mee, yogurt, coloured pens, pencil lead, shaver blades, facial foam] All hail the impulsive shopper!
~Sea Monkeys~
yesterday i followed zehzeh, ian (cousin thwaites) and his friend wakeboarding. but of course, cacat with wonky knees can't wakeboard so i sat on the boat and tried hard to get a tan (in my new tannlines bikini. woohoo!). Ian's friend darren still looks like he does in his baby photo on friendster - like a baby orangutan. so considering how much i love orang utans, it was only natural tt i found him quite attractive. the boat driver (some eddie fella) must've thought i was some bimbo or wat. but he should cut me some slack; cos i can't help it if i have to apply huge dollops of sunscreen to prevent burns, and tt speedboat rides tickle me so much tt i have to giggle audibly, and tt i love whipping out my camera at the most inconvenient moments so tt i can visually document my first exciting boatride out to seletar river.
darren sent us home in his dad's car and i sat in the front seat. the fact tt i was only wearing a bikini and he was topless and we were on the main road did make it all seem a wee bit improper. but i guess it's ok to allow other road users a chance to live out their voyeuristic fantasies once in a while, jah?
he's shorter, less hairy (but then again, who isn't?) and skinnier than me; and he probably wears my shoe size.
but he's just a yr older, wears braces, is in civil defence *wink*, and looks like my favourite primate.
... so i guess the bad and good kindof balance out. hmm.
You are an angel of the forest. You love to have a
good time and to get in trouble. For you, it's
all fun and games. You like to have friends,
preferably not human, and can converse with all
animals. You love to party, and like to be
alone. You are a deep person, but most people
miss it. Thinking that you are just childish
and young. Which you are not. You are old, and
wise, even if nobody can see it. You know what
the real world is like, better that your peers.
You have a naturally beatiful singing voice,
and are a natural with most instruments.
You can often loose your self. But will always find
yourself again. For that is just who you are.
Be happy. Never change. Because you are beautiful.
What Type Of Angel Have You Become?
brought to you by Quizilla
wah not bad ah. quite accurate, this quiz.
Saturday, March 20, 2004
so almost a wk has passed; so fast. it seems like just yesterday tt i last blogged. was deleting old emails when i found this link which i asked martin-nhaii to send me last time: CONDOM GAME
this afternoon, i dressed up the way i would like to if i ever go clubbing (wah... i is gonna be so cool, jah? hah). wore my new skirt with the black toga karin passed me ages ago (but which i was never allowed to wear out of the hse). then i stood in front of my mirror and danced and sang for an hr. who needs clubs when you have a capalang room with cool music and a cool mirror?
have i mentioned tt i really like the new YellowPages ad campaign? it's a real motivation for an advertiser-wannabe like me. it'd be so cool to be in advertising wouldn't it?
matt rogers frm american idol reminds me of stuart. hah. jasmine trias reminds me of celeste chong. camille velasco reminds me of tammy, my ex catechism classmate. and i remind everyone of jenny low. tt's nice. hah (as nad says, hah is a good word to use. hah).
actually, nick valensi isn't all tt handsome. i mean he looked cool in the pictures andrew sent me. but he looks a bit cross-eyed in the interview on musicvideos.com. ah well. actually, come to think of it, julian casablancas is a lot better looking (and he has a sexy voice to boot!). i think i'm beginning to sound like a bimbotic groupie. hurhur...
isaac also has wonky knees. it's fun to discuss with someone how wonky my knees (and theirs) are. so i gave him my chiro's namecard.
i've yet to:
- try fried camembert at bugis
- change my filthy bedsheets
- give martin the lyrics for Sympathique
- come up with something tangible for Spunk mag's design
- come up with a an idea to fill the gaping lobang i caused in Spunk
- redo the C-B analysis (tt's Cost-Benefit, not chee-bai) for managmt
- come up with a plausible sacrifice for lent
- do something bout my latenite-internet addiction
- wear my new 20$ pink pleated skirt
- get the tannlines bikini, and a tan
- get my period this month
- correct my wonky knees so i can run again and not feel so extremely cacat
when i finally do ALL these things, i'll go buy 4D. oh yea, tt's also one thing i've yet to do: buy 4D. hah.
this afternoon, i dressed up the way i would like to if i ever go clubbing (wah... i is gonna be so cool, jah? hah). wore my new skirt with the black toga karin passed me ages ago (but which i was never allowed to wear out of the hse). then i stood in front of my mirror and danced and sang for an hr. who needs clubs when you have a capalang room with cool music and a cool mirror?
have i mentioned tt i really like the new YellowPages ad campaign? it's a real motivation for an advertiser-wannabe like me. it'd be so cool to be in advertising wouldn't it?
matt rogers frm american idol reminds me of stuart. hah. jasmine trias reminds me of celeste chong. camille velasco reminds me of tammy, my ex catechism classmate. and i remind everyone of jenny low. tt's nice. hah (as nad says, hah is a good word to use. hah).
actually, nick valensi isn't all tt handsome. i mean he looked cool in the pictures andrew sent me. but he looks a bit cross-eyed in the interview on musicvideos.com. ah well. actually, come to think of it, julian casablancas is a lot better looking (and he has a sexy voice to boot!). i think i'm beginning to sound like a bimbotic groupie. hurhur...
isaac also has wonky knees. it's fun to discuss with someone how wonky my knees (and theirs) are. so i gave him my chiro's namecard.
i've yet to:
- try fried camembert at bugis
- change my filthy bedsheets
- give martin the lyrics for Sympathique
- come up with something tangible for Spunk mag's design
- come up with a an idea to fill the gaping lobang i caused in Spunk
- redo the C-B analysis (tt's Cost-Benefit, not chee-bai) for managmt
- come up with a plausible sacrifice for lent
- do something bout my latenite-internet addiction
- wear my new 20$ pink pleated skirt
- get the tannlines bikini, and a tan
- get my period this month
- correct my wonky knees so i can run again and not feel so extremely cacat
when i finally do ALL these things, i'll go buy 4D. oh yea, tt's also one thing i've yet to do: buy 4D. hah.
Sunday, March 14, 2004
i've realised recently that friendship isn't just wat i've always thought it was. i mean, up till now, i'd never hesitate to tell pple tt they should know lots bout a good friend. i mean how can you call someone your best friend when you know so little bout their personal life right?
now i see how shallow tt statement really is - because knowing where they live, what they like to eat or who they're going out with really isn't relevant when you're connecting with someone on a deeper level, one tt transcends such worldly distractions (it's really not as profound as it sounds).
i don't know if i can ever do tt, cos i think not being in the know makes me feel insecure. i reckon i'll grow up to be a control freak wife and mother. oh how horrific. let's just not grow up, ok?
now i see how shallow tt statement really is - because knowing where they live, what they like to eat or who they're going out with really isn't relevant when you're connecting with someone on a deeper level, one tt transcends such worldly distractions (it's really not as profound as it sounds).
i don't know if i can ever do tt, cos i think not being in the know makes me feel insecure. i reckon i'll grow up to be a control freak wife and mother. oh how horrific. let's just not grow up, ok?
it's always nice to find songs that suit your mood.
Can't get over an ex-squeeze?
I Keep Forgettin', Michael Mcdonald
Think you're in love?
Doctor Doctor, Thompson Twins
How bout some old school nursery songs?
Boris the Spider, The Who
Psychedelic ~
So Alive, Love and Rockets
F-f-feeling... gibberish?
Scatman, Scatman John
... Unrelenting?
Die Die My Darling, Misfits
... Vengeful?
Sunny Came Home, Shawn Colvin
... Wizened, ugly and despondent?
At Seventeen Janis Ian
For the disgruntled lactose-deficient.
No Milk Today, Herman's Hermit's
Bursting with machismo?
Johnny Bravo theme song
Because stealthy is sexy!
Secret Agent Man, Johnny Rivers
Looking for anarchy?
Toxicity, System of a Down
Longing to frolic in hippiedom?
In the Summertime, Mungo Jerry
Want to poser-mat?
Still Loving You, Scorpions [alternatively, any song by Firehouse also boleh]
On those spastically-inclined days...
Retarded Christmas Song, Stephen Lynch
Super-stoned.
any song by Sigur Ros or Mogwai.
Feeling scandalous?
Part-Time Lover, Stevie Wonder
Can't get over an ex-squeeze?
I Keep Forgettin', Michael Mcdonald
Think you're in love?
Doctor Doctor, Thompson Twins
How bout some old school nursery songs?
Boris the Spider, The Who
Psychedelic ~
So Alive, Love and Rockets
F-f-feeling... gibberish?
Scatman, Scatman John
... Unrelenting?
Die Die My Darling, Misfits
... Vengeful?
Sunny Came Home, Shawn Colvin
... Wizened, ugly and despondent?
At Seventeen Janis Ian
For the disgruntled lactose-deficient.
No Milk Today, Herman's Hermit's
Bursting with machismo?
Johnny Bravo theme song
Because stealthy is sexy!
Secret Agent Man, Johnny Rivers
Looking for anarchy?
Toxicity, System of a Down
Longing to frolic in hippiedom?
In the Summertime, Mungo Jerry
Want to poser-mat?
Still Loving You, Scorpions [alternatively, any song by Firehouse also boleh]
On those spastically-inclined days...
Retarded Christmas Song, Stephen Lynch
Super-stoned.
any song by Sigur Ros or Mogwai.
Feeling scandalous?
Part-Time Lover, Stevie Wonder
Sunday, March 07, 2004
i have the sudden urge to email stuart. and say what? i'm not sure exactly. (i wish i felt as strongly bout wanting to do my assignments.)
hallo how's you? i'm so bored that i actually decided to email you. (it's not an insult - i just don't send emails). what is happening over there? i have an ex-classmate studying creative arts - in MelbU also. but she isn't exactly my friend; just some bitch who used to make me feel lousy when i was in lower sec. maybe she's a lot nicer now; i haven't bothered to find out.
ok. this is not helping. i'm still very bored. ok, here's a gossip update: ian's got a new girlfriend and her name's naomi and she's from KL. blablahblahbla. lastly, ian is not happy with his 'A'level results. i only mention ian because his life seems to be very eventful at the moment. i, on the other hand, am still a no-lifer. hah.
www.homestarrunner.com is a fucking hilarious site. go check it out.
i should sleep before i become lagi stone. morning.
hallo how's you? i'm so bored that i actually decided to email you. (it's not an insult - i just don't send emails). what is happening over there? i have an ex-classmate studying creative arts - in MelbU also. but she isn't exactly my friend; just some bitch who used to make me feel lousy when i was in lower sec. maybe she's a lot nicer now; i haven't bothered to find out.
ok. this is not helping. i'm still very bored. ok, here's a gossip update: ian's got a new girlfriend and her name's naomi and she's from KL. blablahblahbla. lastly, ian is not happy with his 'A'level results. i only mention ian because his life seems to be very eventful at the moment. i, on the other hand, am still a no-lifer. hah.
www.homestarrunner.com is a fucking hilarious site. go check it out.
i should sleep before i become lagi stone. morning.
Saturday, March 06, 2004
i enjoyed this so much, i thought i'd post the url here, just in case you didn't see it on the tagboard. thanks to (who the...?) for this. [Homestar Runner]
Wednesday, March 03, 2004
go read this: Buddyhead Rules of Rock
got it from andrew's blog. i don't happen to find this one bit amusing or witty. it's just a little too smart-ass for its own good. i'm no rocker and i don't claim to be one. but i can tell you tt no one needs rules to make music. pple who go round making stupid rules to diss other pple are just angsty dickheads who think they know a lot. and pple who listen to these dickheads think they are setting themselves apart frm the posers when in fact, they are like puerile minions.
you see, i have no problems with anyone. i am a poser. i'm poser-mina; i'm poser-guitarplayingchick; i'm poser-stoner; i'm even poser-hotsexybitch. but hey, i don't have to be conscious of what i wanna be. i just do wat i feel like, when i feel like.
got it from andrew's blog. i don't happen to find this one bit amusing or witty. it's just a little too smart-ass for its own good. i'm no rocker and i don't claim to be one. but i can tell you tt no one needs rules to make music. pple who go round making stupid rules to diss other pple are just angsty dickheads who think they know a lot. and pple who listen to these dickheads think they are setting themselves apart frm the posers when in fact, they are like puerile minions.
you see, i have no problems with anyone. i am a poser. i'm poser-mina; i'm poser-guitarplayingchick; i'm poser-stoner; i'm even poser-hotsexybitch. but hey, i don't have to be conscious of what i wanna be. i just do wat i feel like, when i feel like.
Monday, March 01, 2004
just now, zehzeh wanted to watch starworld and she wouldn't let me watch Get Real on cna. i got fucking angry. yes, i do mean really really angry. i went to bathe and threw things round in the toilet. threw my fists against the wall, hit my head on it a few times as well. i always hurt myself when i'm angry and i don't know why. beats me. (ignore the pun). and somehow, it irritates me when the bite marks and scratch marks fade. then i have nothing to show for it. it's almost as if i'm proud of what i do. i'm not sure if i realise tt slapping myself and hitting my head might actually be detrimental to my physical and mental wellbeing. don't care lah.
what's amusing is the incredible irony of the whole episode: i wanted to watch Get Real because today's show was on anger management.
i guess God's not so bad at jokes then. it's quite funny really.
i prefer nada surf's version of Where is My Mind to The Pixies' one. chad brocks' rendition of Take it to the Limit is beautiful. ost. Space Cowboys. go have a listen. it had almost the same effect on me as Silje's The Waltz.
i duno wat possessed me to take on the JAE helper job. $18 to go back to sch for half a day tmr and assist pple signing up. is it worth it? ok, the only perk is tt i'm 18$ closer to tt 124$ bikini frm Tannlines. stupid dumbass prakash was laughing when i said i wanted to get a bikini. that dumbfuck. i am hot sexy bitch, you hear me! HOT SEXY BITCH! ah-haha!
what's amusing is the incredible irony of the whole episode: i wanted to watch Get Real because today's show was on anger management.
i guess God's not so bad at jokes then. it's quite funny really.
i prefer nada surf's version of Where is My Mind to The Pixies' one. chad brocks' rendition of Take it to the Limit is beautiful. ost. Space Cowboys. go have a listen. it had almost the same effect on me as Silje's The Waltz.
i duno wat possessed me to take on the JAE helper job. $18 to go back to sch for half a day tmr and assist pple signing up. is it worth it? ok, the only perk is tt i'm 18$ closer to tt 124$ bikini frm Tannlines. stupid dumbass prakash was laughing when i said i wanted to get a bikini. that dumbfuck. i am hot sexy bitch, you hear me! HOT SEXY BITCH! ah-haha!
sometimes i feel this envy, an admiration for certain pple. i want to be like him/her, so i can be loved the way i want to be. or so i can live life the way i imagine he/she lives it. (no, no - not some movie star or some shit like tt. i mean ordinary pple - friends of friends or friends.) And it stirs a whirlpool of weirdsome emotions inside me; I could be like them or i could be with them. and the more i see or read these, the subjects of my desire, the more inferior i feel. and this inferiority becomes an impetus... more! more! i shout. i am so masochistic.
at night, i am addicted to non-sleep. in the day, i become narcoleptic. i want to slap myself on the bedcovers like sirloin and beat me. maybe then, i'd be more tender and less apathetic.
i'm not feeling really lonely like i do sometimes. but i do wonder wat difference it'd make if i had someone close now. i wonder and wander, further and deeper. my eyes, they can't shut. i'm beginning to really hate my voice.
at night, i am addicted to non-sleep. in the day, i become narcoleptic. i want to slap myself on the bedcovers like sirloin and beat me. maybe then, i'd be more tender and less apathetic.
i'm not feeling really lonely like i do sometimes. but i do wonder wat difference it'd make if i had someone close now. i wonder and wander, further and deeper. my eyes, they can't shut. i'm beginning to really hate my voice.