love-making does not require penetration, please. i can already hear semantic noises.
watch yourself, now.

:: Amie - damien rice


you should know tt there are things more beautiful than making love. there are feelings- that i cannot express in words- tt i love to revel in.

i was lying on lidong's topdeck bed, listening to damien rice and looking out the window and for the first time, i noticed the dazzling view of the cars in the night. tt, together with amie and the crisp sounds of the drizzle outside. i couldn't take my eyes and ears away frm sights and sounds and as i imbibed it all, i started drowning in my thoughts. i know and love scenes like this. i get it looking out the window at st george's too and it brings me back to the times when we lived at bedok reservoir and i shared the room with zeh zeh. when i couldn't sleep on some rainy nights, i'd tiptoe to the window to watch the cars whoosh past on the wet road downstairs. then i'd look across the reservoir at the little lights crossing the horizon. mesmerized, i stick my hands out of the window in unbridled wonder and sigh as the air outside surrounded my fingers.

"i saw a spaceship fly by your window. did you see it disappear?"

Look, you can see the cars from up here, i whispered to lidong. It's so beautiful. and then all those unexplainable feelings welled up inside of me and my eyes glazed over. i'm gonna cry, i announced softly just before a giant teardrop rolled out of my eye. i started weeping (yes, weeping) and i lost myself in the night. i looked until i couldn't stand it then i turned to face lidong but i couldn't answer questions like why i was crying cos i didn't know why myself. i told him how i used to watch cars and i how beautiful i thought this damien rice song was, and he hugged me and let me cry. i don't think there was anything particularly joyous bout the mood but the feeling was so intense i could just burst. if i could die like that, and in your arms,- however selfish i may seem to myself- it would be good.

oh ya there was also this time someone set the dustbin downstairs alight and the police and all had to come down here and investigate.

also, i forgot to mention, if i brought Rainbow Angst and Dandy Ellis up as sexually ambiguous, they could easily switch between being straight and gay. i would see this as a vantage. tt's the kind of person i am.

lidong wanted to surprise me by turning up outside my door this morning. this he did, only thing was i was at the doctor's. you should know tt i'm really touched by the gesture though. {:o)

pillow talk: ?

i'm bored and sick.
i was thinking yesterday (which is actually thurs since now is still the mornite of fri-sat) as i walked can't remember where, how bout i raise my kids asexually? mm interesting. you think so? yea. ok thanks. eh wait, did i just say asexually? er yah? ok oops, sorry i meant sexually ambiguous. oh, right. yea... then it'd actually work if i give them ambiguous names like rainbow and all- the names i planned to name them some time ago. hah ok.

aside frm annoying parents calling to scold me over stupid things like their sons losing their smartcards/library bks, the past week at work has been pretty ok. today was more fun cos jillian relief taught and came to talk to me and help out. my throat was already sore and then i had to shout at a bunch of stupid pri 4 boys who were misbehaving.
now my throat hurts lik fuck and i felt something in in just now. maybe my tonsils are hanging loose. or maybe my larynx is falling apart in small chunks. i should be worried.

a neighbour on my floor just got molested this week. she stepped out of the lift and someone grabbed her frm behind. i don't know the rest of the details cos mummy didn't think it was nice to probe. it seems as though just when i start to feel safe, something comes to shake me up. last yr or the year before, i walked past the garbage compound to get to the lift and there were these two men standing nearby, one smoking, the other holding a long white coiled up cord. i don't know what i was thinking, but i stupidly walked in between them to get to the lift. and the man with the coil suddenly started following me and uncoiling the wire or watever it was he had in his hands. i ran straight past the lift and out towards the other block, stood on a grass patch and called zeh zeh, tearing. i told her to come down and get me cos i was scared and she told me tt i was interrupting her dinner and to just come up myself. then i looked back and noticed tt the man had retreated back into the darkness of the driveway and i quickly rushed into the lift just as a big malay family walked out. oh ya, this was after tt time when i decided to be yaya and walk all by myself through the park to get back home. when i got to the lift, i suddenly noticed dubious-looking oldish malay guy behind me and i stupidly let him get into the lift with me and even more stupidly pressed the lift button first. he inched closer and closer to me in the lift until his arm nearly touched mine. then when i got out, he came out to and after he saw me walk to my door, he ran down the stairs. i was so fucking pissed tt i let him trail me all the way back and didn't even do anything to prevent it.

then there was the time when someone reportedly got mugged just outside my block. and that other time when some sick, screwed up fuck defecated outside my door and left a trail of human crap all across the corridor. i'm beginning to feel as though i live in the ghetto or something. it's not all tt fun, really.

"It's mine!" [SprinkleS Copyright 2005]


karin, i still think it looks like the lizard is humping the shit. speaking of shit- SHIT, I GOTTA SLEEP NOW. but bloody fuck, it's just too early.

it's one of those days of contentment for me. it's the weather. and the music. it has just occured to me tt i'm the only person i know who sits in front of the radio just to listen to it. you know, like how it was back in the days when no one had tv, and listening to radio like some kindof event. gold 90 fm is playing really good songs now.

today was the first day at work for me. at noon i was surprised at how quickly time had shimmied past. this is good, i remember i said to myself. hah. the only thing bout things going well now (well, fairly) is tt it lessens the chances of it getting better. yea, i guess i don't want to be over-optimistic. see, now lidong's job and mine are as similar as they get - we both wake up at 5.30 (he's delighted to know tt we can give each other wake up calls. eck.) and we are both stuck with more than a hundred male shorts-wearing juveniles. only thing is i tt earn almost 3 times more than him. heh.

i went for the baybeats, saturday sunday. saturday was good. bumped into shaiful, marina and her bf, yongping, jermaine, dom and gf, andrew and julius and gin gang, michelle chan (who worked audio for poptart) with audrey and jaime, mcm michelle who was hosting at the village, kaylene and mark, kumar with vick and the fsv zaki. tt's all i can remember now. i met up with lidong and we met some of the seniors also. sunday i met vien, jing, and bumped into andrew and later ira. out of all the acts (missed love me butch but heard they were just ok this yr) , i liked brandtson, serenaide (bought their cd), tempered mental (faz let me copy their cd last time when she bought it haha but i lost it), lucy in the loo (wah their vocalist hot haha), copeland and KLPHQ (mogwai-ish and so beautiful). and then there was poptart, where i enjoyed myself the most. i danced and danced and danced and danced and danced. oh happy happy happy. i got quite high from the adrenalin rush tt i couldn't stop dancing. it took an extremely tired and sick-looking lidong to get me away frm the shaking and grooving. even then, i was still uncontrollably excited and coulddn't stop grinning and shouting along to the kkk took my baby away as i struggled to repel the pull of the beat. they spinned franz ferdinand, the cure, green day, new order, and lots more tt i can't recall. recently i'd been wondering what poptart was and now i finally knew it and i fucking loved it. i reportedly had a crazed look in my eyes, even crazier than the time when i lost myself laughing at borsch steakhse. (i saw andrew dancing too and wanted to introduce him to lidong but the former didn't see me.) i cannot begin to describe how naturally it came and how good it felt - the energy pulsing through my body. it was like my love for music and beat was releasing itself through each move i made. and it made me so happy to see pple around me letting go of themselves too. it was like a whole sea of random movement to one sound; and it was just entrancing.

but as i skipped away frm the discotheque for the first time (i went back again later), i was feeling a little sad because i realised tt as i was dancing, i was feeling so far away frm lidong; like, it was as if he was standing at an unprecedented distance and i was looking at his tiny rigid figure frm afar. and no matter how happy i was, i wasn't able to transpose it over to him and cause him to feel the joy tt was oozing frm my pores. i feared tt i may even have scared him with my audacious self-indulgence. i just wish he'll never stop indulging me and indulging himself with me. i wanna rock with you all night, oh baby baby.

-and through the purple, you pushed away the pink. guess i don't have to tell you how much i enjoyed it... how much i love love love you.

:: Gun in Hand - stutterfly

i'm still irritated by lidong's mother and her inane, nerve-grating comments. we were in the car the other day when we drove past a street where there happened to be a lady wearing a burqa. and she immediately commented, "eh why tt lady wear like terrorist like tt?" TSK. i cannot be blamed for just wanting to sepak her. i hate it when pple ask rhetoric questions like tt. i always try my best to be polite and just discreetly roll my eyes. i wanted to prudently educate her but it's hard to do tt when i'm seething with suppressed peevishness.

i think i may have been bitten by the tsetse fly. (is it pronounced z&z& ? daddy pronounces it as zet-zee) daddy says pple who get bitten start feeling sleepy and then they die. i'm not sure bout the dying part but i have been feeling really lethargic lately.

:: Dum Diddly - black eyed peas


so i find myself to be quite peculiar at times. i stepped into the lift on wed night and looked into those mirror panels inside of it, and tried to imitate the expression on the face of tt dead tail-less lizard i had just seen at the void deck. i thought to myself: it may have been attacked by a rat since there are many of them vermins scuttling round. yes of course. tt must be it. then earlier tonight - which is actually the mornite of thursday-friday - i sat in front of a big lit DBS sign at tampines and waited for zeh zeh to pick me in a cab. and then out from my lips danced, shoop shoop book out day, la la lah 2 more days to book out day. hurhur hur hur.

i'm gonna ask daddy to get me some more edward gorey books to add to my growing collection. whooppee. other than gary larson, gorey is the only person i will queue up to have sign a book. unfortunately, O is for Oddball, who's answered God's call.

my back has been hurting past couple of days and after examining my spine just now, i have concluded tt there has been a miraculous amelioration of my sclerosis. i told this to zeh zeh and she laughed and said maybe you've just gotten fatter, tt's all. right. ok. thanks man.

i am dying to earn some dough so i will not feel so low (and so i will not have to resort to doing lame things such as rhyming in my posts just to appease my bored self). blahdeedah.

i'm not spposed to be up now. i was tired just now and was consequently instructed by recruit saw to rest early. too bad. ah-haha. at daddy's hse now; first time since daddy and aunty jessie walked in on us doing nothing (twas tt same time i commented tt the man-woman affair was so 1980s).

:: Brick - ben folds five

so stuart is back and fuck, he lost a shitload of weight. he looks pretty nice though. karin and i speculated tt maybe it was her silly man walk tt prompted him to lose the weight haha (though the joke isn't actually targeted to him particularly). i already told her it's a bit of a mean joke, all right? anyway, it didn't even take a gut feeling for me to tell tt he still has a thing for me (OR i could just be slightly delusional the way i always am). and quite obviously he's stopped reading my blog since tt last time he tagged me (oooh, i'm not sure if this pun is intended) and no one told him bout lidong, cos he didn't seem to know in church. and i did feel a bit bad giving him a rude shock when i introduced lidong at audrey's party. it's ok; we'll meet again next week, next holiday and then down under next year. in other church/lovelife news, i bumped into clementine and she told me she and serene think kenny's cousin sean likes me. erm ok. you know, i'm not exactly used to being this kind of popular with the male kind.

i know i've said this before but baby, you're the sweetest thing in my life (chocolat fondue, gulab jamun and cafe tenako-tuhkok notwithstanding).

you know, i realised the other day tt i'm good at loving pple but i'm not so adept with showing affection (cept toward my bf and maybe cute babies). not tt it's a bad or good thing. it's just an observation.

Your Inner Muse is Euterpe You are most like this muse of music. While you may or may not be musical... You love music and set life to your own personal soundrack. And you are good at making anyone's heart sing! What Muse Are You?