Wednesday, August 29, 2007

oh my fuck. i can't believe i'm so fucking blur. i just realised i arrive in ottawa one day before my residence contract starts. this means i will be homeless for a night. well done, you! thank goodness i realised it just now (as opposed to any later).
as if i'm not worried enough... wait till mummy finds out man. haha. i've got the jitters now. never liked planes much, much less 24 hr journeys.

Sunday, August 26, 2007

andrew hasn't gotten back to me bout meeting up yet.

i don't feel very optimistic bout life at the moment. i guess all my mopeyness is getting to me again. i could mope for half the world and it still wouldn't be enough for me. and it's not even pms.

is this a fucking joke? pls, come back when you have an opinion. tt's provided i haven't already fallen off the face of the earth, bored my retarded self deep into the ground or been weathered to bits by my own wintry affections. we don't have much time left, amelia.

oh no you don't care a bit you don't care a bit. just words, shouldn't hurt too much, hey?

:: Hide and Seek - imogen heap

Monday, August 20, 2007

i suddenly feel a bit embarrassed even though there's no one around. i'm just done sobbing from watching the end of Snow Falling on Cedars. not cos i don't get to feast my eyes on ethan hawke's hotness anymore but because i really felt so sad.

yesterday zehzeh was telling daddy bout the training course tt her company sent them all for (the pr company she's interning with). and i was listening half to her and half to the cheesy instrumental cd tt daddy put on in the car. instrumental version of dancing queen featuring the saxophone. reminded me of my orthodontist in orchard last time, and perhaps of a hotel lounge. and then i thought of miss swan in the gay bar. haha. then i thought of disco dancing and how i'd like to go for classes and maybe during the next holidays i can go learn with alex since he's the only guy i know now who's interested as well (interested in dance, not me).

then for some reason i remembered the time lidong and i tried to hide behind the letterboxes dwnstairs and make out but then some guy came along to check his mail and it was extremely awkward. such endearing memories. punctuated by the instrumental version of you were always on my mind (featuring what else but the saxophone). i thought to myself oh, willie nelson! hah cute old man with long grey hair and the lok-kok guitar. but then i realised i couldn't possibly know which rendition it was since it was a bloody instrumental. living confuses me sometimes. not so much life, i think. just living.

Thursday, August 16, 2007

i know i'm the last place you wanna be right now. i miss you. i'm glad you seem to be having fun. it should be this way- fun. not the way it was with me.

i'll get used to this because i have no choice.

Wednesday, August 15, 2007

i miss regina. i miss when i'm sitting in my room staring at the screen and losing myself in hopelessness and then regina comes in and starts making herself comfortable in my room and suddenly i feel so calm, like everything's gonna be ok. feels a bit lonely here. and the future feels lonely too. i don't know why i'm so worried.

i'm doing the psalm for assumption tmr and i'm really anxious bout tt as well. something tells me i'm gonna screw up. something to do with skipping mass the past two weeks perhaps?

saw fabian online just now and and he gave me an 'update on campus and currie hall'. hah. two mornites ago, moaaz was just updating me on 'currie news'. hah. it's funny cos the thing is i never asked to be updated. anyhow, it feels oddly comforting.

sheena easton's almost over you played on winamp just now. aïe, mon coeur. but bleeding heart songs never fail to commiserate with bleeding hearts so it's this over stupid happy songs. but this next one is cute and not too happy. click HERE.

:: Be My Baby - vanessa paradis

Saturday, August 11, 2007

:: I Don't Love You - my chemical romance

when i wake up in stifling stuffiness, my disposition gets equally stuffy. maybe it was the sex on the beach i had last night (hah. i meant for it to sound tt way because today i feel the need to amuse myself), or tt i'm having my period today or it's just my stuffed up mood, food today seems indifferent to me. usually they're friendly and say hallo, eat me. today is different. it looked more like art, fine art- strange and curious, and a bit too confusing to swallow.

daddy is organising a bbq tonight. mummy said we don't have to go and help him cos after al how much effort does a bbq require. tt really upset me cos i know and she knows bbqs require quite a bit of effort, the food prep and all. and wat made me feel worse was daddy had asked zehzeh and i last week to help him with all tt and we said ya ya ya. and mummy is just being mean because it's not easy to be kind ot someone you hate. nevertheless, it upset me and i sat there alone at the table, being the only one still eating, skilfully disguising my tears as part of my crankiness. then i observed the patterns the oil and black sauce made round the sunnysideup egg.

Wednesday, August 08, 2007

:: Shadow of the Day - linkin park


oh nice nice nice. very good. ah hah. thanks, alex. haha i realise tt sounded suggestive but it's the song lah, too shiok already. oh oh i like.


been feeling a restless and listless. but managed to make myself learn lisa loeb's stay. it's spposed to be really simple but i'm still really proud of myself. (i'm running out of things to be proud of, amelia.) now i just have to learn to coordinate singing and playing it at the same time. oh and the strumming pattern. you know lee and fabian said even though they're moving out, they'll still come back and sing/play with me next yr. tt's really flattering. like i'm some big shot everyone wants to collaborate with hah. feels good you know? a bit strange but feels good to know.

i want to try and make alex sing louder cos i know he can. he actually said he wants to sing this linkin park song and i really think he should. ah so exciting.

the girls (and a lot of other pple) are moving out of the hall (or thinking of moving out). i guess they all really thought i wouldn't want to move out so tt's why i'm not part of the plan. oh well. i'll be all grown up and able to make good friends on my own when i come back frm ottawa yes?

i was crossing out completed things frm my list of STUFF TO DO IN SPORE and i was very happy to find tt i'd done more than half the things. i'm not very good at goal-setting and -achieving so this is a big thing. i always say ya my only aim is to be happy. and even tt i can't do right sometimes. so this is good. anyways, here's wat's left:

> take hanson and shana out
> meet andrew
> meet nurul again, and camellia
> visit mama?
> shisha-ing
> club (poptart at butter factory again! mos, zouk mambo, home, maybe st james)
> eats...
-Swiss Baeckerei Cafe & Bistro
-chinatown bak chor mee
-athar
-toa payoh chai tow kway
-marine parade char kway teow / dim sum
-jln besar dim sum
-curry favor
-mos burger


ok maybe i can take the kids out to eat mos burger. duno what andrew can eat now..

the other day at karin's hse was the first time i actually sat dwn and drank for the sake of talking and drinking. i really like tt alize fruit liquor haha and the stuff karin made for dinner. new york is gonna be good right, karin? love you lots.

Saturday, August 04, 2007

in the first place he doesn't care that much for u anymore.

Friday, August 03, 2007

im a big mess right now cos i'm hurting everywhere. i think it's just me. i care too much i love too much i fall too much i hurt too much i ask too much i say too much i think too much i feel too much i expect too much i cry too much i bother too much. i don't like playing the blame game but in the first place- in the first place, in the first place! fuck you lah "in the first place".

i feel like i'm running out of time. what are we going to do, amelia. we could die tonight. but then no one would buy tissues frm tt poor guy anymore. who's gonna help the old lady cross the rd? you think you're the only one out to help pple ah? the world will get on without you. why so geram? why so tearful? why so upset? why so stupid?

Thursday, August 02, 2007

i'm really disappointed the cure didn't play letters to elise. i still can't believe it. drgh! the girl beside me was also shouting LETTERS TO ELISE! LETTERS TO ELISE! tsk should've brought me a big cardboard sign. oh well... bumped into tim wee with mark ngan and this other guy who looked very familiar (joshua's friend i think), and alex (cousin ray's bf) and lavi. karin bumped into her friend josephine and her italian bf simone haha. he's soo italian. the guitarist reminded me of uncle fester, and robert smith's pot belly.. tt was just funny. some annoying pushy pple in the crowd but it was good otherwise. cept tt they didn't play letters to elise...

poptart at the butter factory was still better though (and free too! hah). pretty nice place, a bit like home. in fact, i think i prefer their layout nicer than home's. last night was the first time i really enjoyed myself clubbing in a very very long while. all the events in perth and the last time we went to mos too, i couldn't really let go. but last night was really nice. happy happy. oh and some guy asked me if we wanted to have drinks with him and his friends. haha tt'd made me quite happy cos it's not everyday i get asked. not tt i'm dying to get asked or noticed but it's just flattering and i feel special haha.

curry favor and baybeats this weekend and staying at daddy's hse. watching mtv jus now.

:: Itu Kamu - estranged

timmy and kevin are forming a band covering n.e.r.d. and erykah badu -like stuff . i also want. ppfft. maybe not tt genre lah. i found an ad on audioreload: female vocalist needed for a band covering stuff frm six pence none the richer, toto, journey and the like. perfect! cept tt they didn't reply my sms. TSK.