i carried three pumpkins one and half times the size of my head up the hill all the way from the market. no time to put them in rez so i decided to put one in my bag so i could carry them to class. bad idea, my only functional school bag broke. got 57% for french listening compre midsem. pretty upsetting. i realised though, while lugging nearly quarter my weight of pumpkins and a french dictionary, that i have an amazing amount of determination. surely not all the time, but i do anyways.
right now i like work so much better cos at least i know what i'm doing most of the time. the other day some guy gave me a dollar tip. it wasn't even part of his change. he paid his drink with the exact amount and then took out another loonie (dollar coin) and said and this is for you. i really liked that. wish i could keep it but we'd already agreed to use our tips to sponsor two kids from bolivia. it's good that my charisma is sending someone to school right? i feel really touched when pple gimme tips and you know they're not doing it just to get rid of their coins. makes me feel like i'm good at what i do.
i was donatello on sat for halloween chez nicky. heather said i had the best costume. i didn't think so but i did think it pretty sick. then i got wasted at a keg party on a plastic cup of cranberry with smirnoff. sick turtle. very unglamorous. slept at a record-breaking 1.30am. go buy 4d.
it'll be nice to feel love again.
watched bout half of kat's hockey match last night (sunday night) and then went over to watch some guys playing in the other arena. very impressive and strangely titillating. i wondered to myself why i felt that way and i concluded that i was the kind of girl who needs to be with alphamale. not the strongest physically but someone i deem to have a strong personality. i guess lidong always felt a bit offended, saying how i wanted him to be the best blablablah. but why wouldn't i want you to be the strongest you could be? it still makes perfect sense to me. i guess i never felt like he challenged himself or tried very hard to make his own life happier than it could be. and tt made me unsettled and geram. it's not bout him though, this talk. i wonder what i really look for in life when it comes to tangible things.
Monday, October 29, 2007
Monday, October 22, 2007
my first go at blood sausage. fried with onions and blanched apple slices and had with mash. not bad. a bit jelak. the pasta i had two days later was better. hopefully the next time will be good.
am knackered and feeling oddly lonely and after browsing facebook, a bit disgusted with certain pple i know. absolumment déguelasse. UGH. found someone whom i dont mind to talk to online so it will get better yes?
une autre image de plus akan datang. damn this blogger image thing.
Sunday, October 21, 2007
i keep having dried blood in my nose. stick my little finger in and it comes out all red. yuck. i need to drink more water cos i'm too heaty already. decided to go online and check wat other foods i can eat that are cooling cos i got no chinese tea and i don't like the bananas here.
here's what i found. highlighted are the some of the things (sortof) i've consumed in the past week days...
Cool (yin) Foods:
Bamboo shoot, banana, bitter gourd, clam, crab, grapefruit, lettuce, persimmon, salt, seaweed, star fruit, sugar cane, water chestnut, watermelon, lotus root, cucumber, barley, bean curd, chicken egg white, marjoram, oyster (sauce?), pear, peppermint, radish, strawberry, tangerine, and yogurt, broccoli, cauliflower, zuccini, corn, tomatoes, pineapple, turmeric.
Neutral (balanced yin and yang) Foods:
Corn, abalone, apricot, beef, beetroot, black fungus, carp, carrot, celery, chicken egg yolk, cuttlefish, duck, fig, honey, kidney bean, lotus fruit and seed, milk (cream), olive (oil), oyster, papaya, pork, potato, pumpkin, radish leaf, red bean, plum, sunflower seed, sweet rice, sweet potato, white fungus, yellow soybean, brussels sprouts, snow peas, sweet potato, taro, dates, figs, raspberries, raisins, sage, rosemary, thyme, brown rice, apple.
Heaty (yang) Foods:
Pepper, cinnamon bark, ginger, soybean oil, red and green pepper, chicken, apricot seed, brown sugar, cherry, chestnut, chive, cinnamon twig, clove, coconut, coffee, coriander (Chinese parsley), date, dillseed, eel, garlic, grapefruit peel, green onion, guava, ham, leaf mustard, leek, longan, mutton, nutmeg, peach, raspberry, rosemary, shrimp, spearmint, sweet basil, tobacco, vinegar, walnut, jackfruit, durian, leek, shallots, spring onion, , apricots, blackberries, black currant, mangoes, peaches, cherry, mandarin orange, grape.
How a food is prepared also matters. E.g Beef is considered as neutral, but if you have it deep fried or grilled, it would be considered as heaty.
since i fry nearly EVERYTHING, that makes half my diet heaty. j'ai vraiment besoin de boire l'eau de plus.. j'en ai jamais envie. tant pis. pfft.
i had a really rich dinner last night- pasta in a sauce made from garlic, liverwurst, blood sausage and cream. thought it was gonna make me sick but because i didn't put too much cream, it wasn't jelak at all. aussies matt and nik want to take turns with me to cook. i don't mind cooking for them; i'm only worried about their questionable cooking skills because i saw nik having a pack of kraft-dinner for lunch today and matt frying a can of beans and putting it on a pita for dinner. anyhow's matt is cooking my dinner on tues cos i'll be working. so we'll see how it goes.
iris and haida want me to move to m-hse but i'm not too keen cos i'm such a fucking social whore. haha.
hier soir, c’était le fun.. heather et moi, on était ennuyeux alors, on est allée là-bas pour fumer une clope et jouer de la guitare. nous avons inventé nos propres chansons en regardant ceux qui sortaient pour ses soirées. quelques gars bizarres, beaucoup de rire; il faisait de plus en plus froid mais on s’amusait trop et on s’en fichait.
hmm. i should practise my french more. sent my thanksgiving pics home via email. did i tell you i watched my first ice hockey match? nothing big scale but it was exciting nevertheless. i was worried suddenly last night. that i wasn't taking advantage of my time here as an exchange student to go travel on the weekends and all that. but then edmen reminded me i got to go to kat's place for thanksgiving and that all the touristy stuff you can alsways do another time. ya well, i guess that is true.. and i did see niagara falls after all. i guess it's not that i'm losing out. not being close to other exchange students just means i get a more local experience. plus, davin's really keen to take me home for his bowling tournament/tryouts thing in nov. i'll get to watch real canadian 5-pin bowling! and claudia said she'll ask her dad if they can take me to see quebec to see omega park (some cool nature park tt mathilde visited two days back). so sweet of claudia.
i guess i just got a bit dwn in the first place because i realised that all the exchange students i know have been travelling every week and none of them ever ask me if i wanna go. i'm trying not to think too much of this. maybe if i can make enough and if my french exams are early enough, i'll go to NYC by myself for two weeks before ling exam. i just thought of florence. maybe she'd like to go too. i'll ask.
i was doing some calculations today and if i'm not wrong, i've made about CA$456 so far frm work and work training. which is a pretty neat sum. i'm extremely proud of myself.
found good looking north indian food in the market today. opens till 10 everyday. {:o)
pics akan datang cos image-uploader is down. laundry now. then hmwk. got to work tmr. bring in the dough, sucker!
here's what i found. highlighted are the some of the things (sortof) i've consumed in the past week days...
Cool (yin) Foods:
Bamboo shoot, banana, bitter gourd, clam, crab, grapefruit, lettuce, persimmon, salt, seaweed, star fruit, sugar cane, water chestnut, watermelon, lotus root, cucumber, barley, bean curd, chicken egg white, marjoram, oyster (sauce?), pear, peppermint, radish, strawberry, tangerine, and yogurt, broccoli, cauliflower, zuccini, corn, tomatoes, pineapple, turmeric.
Neutral (balanced yin and yang) Foods:
Corn, abalone, apricot, beef, beetroot, black fungus, carp, carrot, celery, chicken egg yolk, cuttlefish, duck, fig, honey, kidney bean, lotus fruit and seed, milk (cream), olive (oil), oyster, papaya, pork, potato, pumpkin, radish leaf, red bean, plum, sunflower seed, sweet rice, sweet potato, white fungus, yellow soybean, brussels sprouts, snow peas, sweet potato, taro, dates, figs, raspberries, raisins, sage, rosemary, thyme, brown rice, apple.
Heaty (yang) Foods:
Pepper, cinnamon bark, ginger, soybean oil, red and green pepper, chicken, apricot seed, brown sugar, cherry, chestnut, chive, cinnamon twig, clove, coconut, coffee, coriander (Chinese parsley), date, dillseed, eel, garlic, grapefruit peel, green onion, guava, ham, leaf mustard, leek, longan, mutton, nutmeg, peach, raspberry, rosemary, shrimp, spearmint, sweet basil, tobacco, vinegar, walnut, jackfruit, durian, leek, shallots, spring onion, , apricots, blackberries, black currant, mangoes, peaches, cherry, mandarin orange, grape.
How a food is prepared also matters. E.g Beef is considered as neutral, but if you have it deep fried or grilled, it would be considered as heaty.
since i fry nearly EVERYTHING, that makes half my diet heaty. j'ai vraiment besoin de boire l'eau de plus.. j'en ai jamais envie. tant pis. pfft.
i had a really rich dinner last night- pasta in a sauce made from garlic, liverwurst, blood sausage and cream. thought it was gonna make me sick but because i didn't put too much cream, it wasn't jelak at all. aussies matt and nik want to take turns with me to cook. i don't mind cooking for them; i'm only worried about their questionable cooking skills because i saw nik having a pack of kraft-dinner for lunch today and matt frying a can of beans and putting it on a pita for dinner. anyhow's matt is cooking my dinner on tues cos i'll be working. so we'll see how it goes.
iris and haida want me to move to m-hse but i'm not too keen cos i'm such a fucking social whore. haha.
hier soir, c’était le fun.. heather et moi, on était ennuyeux alors, on est allée là-bas pour fumer une clope et jouer de la guitare. nous avons inventé nos propres chansons en regardant ceux qui sortaient pour ses soirées. quelques gars bizarres, beaucoup de rire; il faisait de plus en plus froid mais on s’amusait trop et on s’en fichait.
hmm. i should practise my french more. sent my thanksgiving pics home via email. did i tell you i watched my first ice hockey match? nothing big scale but it was exciting nevertheless. i was worried suddenly last night. that i wasn't taking advantage of my time here as an exchange student to go travel on the weekends and all that. but then edmen reminded me i got to go to kat's place for thanksgiving and that all the touristy stuff you can alsways do another time. ya well, i guess that is true.. and i did see niagara falls after all. i guess it's not that i'm losing out. not being close to other exchange students just means i get a more local experience. plus, davin's really keen to take me home for his bowling tournament/tryouts thing in nov. i'll get to watch real canadian 5-pin bowling! and claudia said she'll ask her dad if they can take me to see quebec to see omega park (some cool nature park tt mathilde visited two days back). so sweet of claudia.
i guess i just got a bit dwn in the first place because i realised that all the exchange students i know have been travelling every week and none of them ever ask me if i wanna go. i'm trying not to think too much of this. maybe if i can make enough and if my french exams are early enough, i'll go to NYC by myself for two weeks before ling exam. i just thought of florence. maybe she'd like to go too. i'll ask.
i was doing some calculations today and if i'm not wrong, i've made about CA$456 so far frm work and work training. which is a pretty neat sum. i'm extremely proud of myself.
found good looking north indian food in the market today. opens till 10 everyday. {:o)
pics akan datang cos image-uploader is down. laundry now. then hmwk. got to work tmr. bring in the dough, sucker!
Wednesday, October 17, 2007
China all the way to New York
Maybe you got lost in Mexico
You're right next to me
I think that you can hear me
Funny how the distance learns to grow
Sometimes I think you want me to touch you
How can I when you build the great wall around you
In your eyes I saw the future together
But you just look away in the distance
I can feel the distance
I can feel the distance
I can feel the distance getting close
:: China - tori amos
Maybe you got lost in Mexico
You're right next to me
I think that you can hear me
Funny how the distance learns to grow
Sometimes I think you want me to touch you
How can I when you build the great wall around you
In your eyes I saw the future together
But you just look away in the distance
I can feel the distance
I can feel the distance
I can feel the distance getting close
:: China - tori amos
Tuesday, October 16, 2007
:: 1000 Oceans - tori amos
These tears I've cried
I've cried a thousand oceans.
And if it seems I'm floating in the darkness
Well, I can't believe that I would keep,
Keep you from flying
And I would cry a thousand more
If that's what it takes to sail you home
Sail you home
Sail you home
i'm in a tori amos mood. the words she sings, they make me feel nice. sleeps with butterflies is really nice. i wish i'd stop using the word nice so much. if i asked someone wat they thought of me and all they said was tt i was nice, i'd be pretty offended.
kat's hockey match last night. smelly cold air but nice rough game. rave on sat night after work. was a bit like a high school party with dance music and juveniles tripping on E. i liked wat i wore though. {:o)
been inundated with work. spent wed to sat, bout 30 hrs in all making coffee. but more importantly, i spent 30 hrs making MONEY. i get to practise my french a bit in a real setting so tt's pretty cool. someone gave me a $1.25 tip WOOHOO! but tt was after all us baristas had agreed to give the tips to charity. oh well, at least my charisma in customer service is gonna make someone's stomach fuller. can we assume the welfare organisation's are honest? two customers asked if my accent was australian. tt makes probably bout 10 pple who've asked me tt.
i don't think i really like him, but i could imagine good sex with him. {:oP TSK AmELiA! oh i just need to wax my fucking monster legs. but seriously, i'm attracted.
i called daddy friday night cos he had left me two voice msgs. (cheery voice)- hi melia, this is daddy again. ah.. i've been wanting to speak to you. how are you doing? write me an email or send me an sms... ok? er have you got enough money? you know... your draft, bank draft, has it been credited already? and pls make sure you get warm clothing ok? ... bye darling, bye, love you.
that really made me smile. and then i smiled even more in wonder, wondering how it's possible that hearing daddy's voice actually makes me happy. maybe cos i was happy hearing him happy. so i called daddy on fri night. he didn't sound terribly interested in anything i had to say. but then later he sounded a bit better when he told me bout jane's baby and the one month celebration. what's the baby's name? he didn't know the baby's name chuckle chuckle. oh, and then, grandpa moved out of the holland drive flat already and daddy got uncle chris to go back and get his stuff cos he wasn't free. orh ok. he wanted to go back and see granny's rm but grandpa had alreday given the keys back to hdb. sniffle. sniffle. sob sob sob SOB SOB. um um sniff gasp sniff.. sorry darling.. sob sob, ok you better go and sleep it's 2 something in the morning. gasp gasp gasp ok don't cry dad, i sniff sniff go with you nto visit granny when i come back ok? ok.... ok bye. bye dad... love you. ya bye darling love y- bye..
i'd never been sad in ottawa till then. i went down to get my clothes frm the dryer and tried not to cry. my eyes are red cos i'm just tired, i'd tell if anyone asked. came up, door open, i sang couting crows aloud while folding my clothes. i didn't know how to tell anyone. then kat came to say goodnight and i couldn't tahan anymore. i hugged her and busrt ito tears. then tyler and davin came and i got more hugs. and then eric came by later for my telephone guide and so i got another hug. i hadn't been that upset since the last time i spoke to lidong. and even now, when i think bout daddy crying and then apologising and me trying to swallow the tears, i feel them right behind my eyes and the tension in my neck and the pain welling up in my chest. i wish i could take the pain away from daddy's heart. i wish he didn't have to be so alone. i wish he didn't have to hide under a pile of office work just so he could take his mind off his dejected heart, his empty house, his forlorn self. if i didn't have a real father or real siblings and my mother died and my daughter hardly respected me and i lived all alone, i wouldn't feel very much like living. is it crazy to cry the way i'm crying now over this? oh god it makes me so upset. and i hate having to explain my red nose and eyes and my drole tête.
in happier news, i'm only working tmr evening this WHOLE week. wat a refreshing change. i'll have time to think, cook, eat, smoke, faire mes devoirs, and maybe even get more upset than i already am. we all need balance don't we. i realise i find comfort in cooking for pple i love. gratifying experiences give my life a lot of meaning.
These tears I've cried
I've cried a thousand oceans.
And if it seems I'm floating in the darkness
Well, I can't believe that I would keep,
Keep you from flying
And I would cry a thousand more
If that's what it takes to sail you home
Sail you home
Sail you home
i'm in a tori amos mood. the words she sings, they make me feel nice. sleeps with butterflies is really nice. i wish i'd stop using the word nice so much. if i asked someone wat they thought of me and all they said was tt i was nice, i'd be pretty offended.
kat's hockey match last night. smelly cold air but nice rough game. rave on sat night after work. was a bit like a high school party with dance music and juveniles tripping on E. i liked wat i wore though. {:o)
been inundated with work. spent wed to sat, bout 30 hrs in all making coffee. but more importantly, i spent 30 hrs making MONEY. i get to practise my french a bit in a real setting so tt's pretty cool. someone gave me a $1.25 tip WOOHOO! but tt was after all us baristas had agreed to give the tips to charity. oh well, at least my charisma in customer service is gonna make someone's stomach fuller. can we assume the welfare organisation's are honest? two customers asked if my accent was australian. tt makes probably bout 10 pple who've asked me tt.
i don't think i really like him, but i could imagine good sex with him. {:oP TSK AmELiA! oh i just need to wax my fucking monster legs. but seriously, i'm attracted.
i called daddy friday night cos he had left me two voice msgs. (cheery voice)- hi melia, this is daddy again. ah.. i've been wanting to speak to you. how are you doing? write me an email or send me an sms... ok? er have you got enough money? you know... your draft, bank draft, has it been credited already? and pls make sure you get warm clothing ok? ... bye darling, bye, love you.
that really made me smile. and then i smiled even more in wonder, wondering how it's possible that hearing daddy's voice actually makes me happy. maybe cos i was happy hearing him happy. so i called daddy on fri night. he didn't sound terribly interested in anything i had to say. but then later he sounded a bit better when he told me bout jane's baby and the one month celebration. what's the baby's name? he didn't know the baby's name chuckle chuckle. oh, and then, grandpa moved out of the holland drive flat already and daddy got uncle chris to go back and get his stuff cos he wasn't free. orh ok. he wanted to go back and see granny's rm but grandpa had alreday given the keys back to hdb. sniffle. sniffle. sob sob sob SOB SOB. um um sniff gasp sniff.. sorry darling.. sob sob, ok you better go and sleep it's 2 something in the morning. gasp gasp gasp ok don't cry dad, i sniff sniff go with you nto visit granny when i come back ok? ok.... ok bye. bye dad... love you. ya bye darling love y- bye..
i'd never been sad in ottawa till then. i went down to get my clothes frm the dryer and tried not to cry. my eyes are red cos i'm just tired, i'd tell if anyone asked. came up, door open, i sang couting crows aloud while folding my clothes. i didn't know how to tell anyone. then kat came to say goodnight and i couldn't tahan anymore. i hugged her and busrt ito tears. then tyler and davin came and i got more hugs. and then eric came by later for my telephone guide and so i got another hug. i hadn't been that upset since the last time i spoke to lidong. and even now, when i think bout daddy crying and then apologising and me trying to swallow the tears, i feel them right behind my eyes and the tension in my neck and the pain welling up in my chest. i wish i could take the pain away from daddy's heart. i wish he didn't have to be so alone. i wish he didn't have to hide under a pile of office work just so he could take his mind off his dejected heart, his empty house, his forlorn self. if i didn't have a real father or real siblings and my mother died and my daughter hardly respected me and i lived all alone, i wouldn't feel very much like living. is it crazy to cry the way i'm crying now over this? oh god it makes me so upset. and i hate having to explain my red nose and eyes and my drole tête.
in happier news, i'm only working tmr evening this WHOLE week. wat a refreshing change. i'll have time to think, cook, eat, smoke, faire mes devoirs, and maybe even get more upset than i already am. we all need balance don't we. i realise i find comfort in cooking for pple i love. gratifying experiences give my life a lot of meaning.