Monday, April 28, 2008

winamp was on random play last week when this song came on:

There's times where I want something more
Someone more like me
There's times when this dress rehearsal
Seems incomplete
But, you see the colors in me like no one else
And behind your dark glasses you're...
You're something else

You're really lovely
Underneath it all
You want to love me
Underneath it all
I'm really lucky
Underneath it all
You're really lovely

You know some real bad tricks
And you need some discipline
But, lately you've been trying real hard
And giving me your best
And, you give me the most gorgeous sleep
That I've ever had
And when it's really bad
I guess it's not that bad

You're really lovely
Underneath it all
You want to love me
Underneath it all
I'm really lucky
Underneath it all
You're really lovely

So many moons that we have seen
Stumbling back next to me
I've seen right through and underneath
And you make me better
I've seen right through and underneath
And you make me better
Better... better...

You are my real Prince Charmin'
Like the heat from the fire
You were always burnin'
And each time you're around
My body keeps stalin'
For your touch
Your kisses and your sweet romancin'
There's an underside to you
That so many adore
Aside from your temper
Everything else secure
You're good for me, baby
Oh that, I'm sure
Over and over again
I want more

You've used up all your coupons
And all you've got left is me
And somehow I'm full of forgiveness
I guess it's meant to be

You're really lovely
Underneath it all
You want to love me
Underneath it all
I'm really lucky
Underneath it all
You're really lovely

You're really lovely
Underneath it all
You want to love me
Underneath it all
I'm really lovely
Underneath it all
And you're really lovely



ifor some reason, i happened to be listening to the words. timing seems to be a big thing in this relationship and i like how this song came up and said everything i needed to say. needless ot say i got so excited i msned dylan and pasted the lyrics into the window. i know, you could say it's just coincidence but i choose to believe otherwise. i dont think anyone can imagine how much the words truly describe the way i feel bout him.

and i think i like where this relationship is going. i dont wanna let go i don't wanna let go i don't wanna let go.

Wednesday, April 16, 2008

:: So Sorry - feist


i can hear the raindrops starting to slap against the leaves on the hibsicus tree outside. harder then softer then harder again; the rain is indecisive. or maybe it means to be that way. we duno. and it's stopped now.


since the last time i spoke to you, dylan has been divulging details of his family life as slowly as he feels comfortable to. knowing tt he grew up in a similar environment has made me feel closer to him. made me more certain that he understands my pain and also made me understand why he thinks the way he thinks and acts the way he does. makes me not regret being with lidong cos having tt relationship has made me appreciate the way dylan and i think the same way about family, the way we understand each others' priorities. i imagine tt i'd never be able to be this appreciative if i hadn't been with lidong because dylan is almost everything tt lidong is not.

it's uncanny how we had so many near misses- both of us had worked with wilderness A but just a few months apart. he wanted to u-dub and would've stayed in currie hall if he did but all tt didn't materialise. can only imagine where else we might have met in the past. it was a nearly a miss at the inncrowd- he was spposed to stay with the hostel for only a yr but ended hanging round for 2 yrs- and then i came along. God's pretty good with timing, we both agree.

we've had some pretty fiery disputes. and i duno how many times i've cried. cos i feel all messed up inside when he gets angry. it fucks me up and it makes me want to hurt myself, which i did when he was here. it makes me die inside like how i felt like i did when mummmy and daddy fought. but me and dylan, we'll be ok because we want to be. and we don't wanna be like the parents. i hope i didn't just jinx it by saying it out.

i'm not used to saying i love you and really really meaning it. maybe this is a good time to learn.

Wait, my open eyes are sorry now
You and me are in this together
I cry, I cry cos you're not here at all
I cannot be the only one


a little misunderstanding on msn. i don't have time for this- i need to do my ilectures and the fucking assignmt. bathing is also on the list i guess. and sleeping too. i don't like it when dylan is angry cos it makes me feel fucked up insde even though it's not his fault i feel this way. i wish we could call each other and talk bout it and then he'd turn up at my door and we'd hug real tight. and then we'd lie in bed together and i'd show him how my fingers dance to music and then we'd fall asleep, nice and warm. fuck you, hmwk, fuck you.

Thursday, April 03, 2008

:: Dark Blue - jack's mannequin
i'm a caring person. this becomes a problem when it is mistaken for love. i hope i love dylan. he's willing to do this and that for me and for me only because i apparently make him a different person, presumably and evidently better than he used to be (taking the conventional sense of the word better). i can't say the same bout me. i'm happy with him most of the time, that's for sure. the 3letter word is good. -but i'm not going to change; not for anyone, not for him. it's not like i'm holding back consciously. i just don't feel compelled to change and so i won't. not for the better and hopefully not for the worse too. this, i feel, isn't doing the man justice.

i don't think i have self esteem problems in this area. it's just that i don't see myself coming across as very endearing when i'm in my anti social moods, which manifest more often than one would think possible. it bothers me a little bit that he is so determined to love me. it bothers me simply because i don't feel that same determination.


i just told dylan over the ph tt he shouldn't call so often. i need my space, i said. already that was difficult enough to break to him. why do i feel the need to drive pple away? why do i get bored so easily?
dylan is now back home. not the home he'd like to be in, but back home nevertheless. his being here with me was sweet, memorable, enlightening, slightly annoying, tasty, fun all at the same time. here are some of the things we enjoyed-










i bought a watch for $10 frm the guild village. nice.