:: Qing Ren De Yan Lei (Lovers' Tears) - poon sow keng (pan xiu qiong)



mummy used to play this song on the piano when we were young. (young.. Bah! wat a distant notion! haha). you know, the only chinese songs i really like are the really old ones. like... this one, and teresa teng's stuff, and like wo de xin li zhi you ni mei you ta, and some old hokkien ones. i was just telling karin how odd it is tt despite not ever listening to chinese radio and not watching getai and all tt, i seem to find songs like these very very familiar. i wonder why. i'd never even stepped foot into chinatown till i was in poly. maybe in some past life, i was a trishaw rider with gramophone attached to my ride, and from which i would blare the latest records to try and attract rich taitais. i know... i was so cool right? too bad i had to be reborn as emoqueen#1. oh well. reminising is pretty fun anyhow.



oh see wat karin just showed me:



you can see more of it HERE. pretty smart right. i love simple but smart things. in fact, i love simple but smart pple too. perhaps it's cos i'm complicated and questionably clever. hmm yes.

i'm very lucky tt zehzeh and sean and co. are ok in cc. some bad shit gg on over there. see amelia? it could always be worse. yes i know. God is so kind to me, sometimes i feel like i don't deserve it. but then mummy says tt it's ok tt i overcharge pple for tuition since i almost always give the money away to someone needy in the end anyway. "some pple have so much money and don't donate it at all. so you don't feel bad taking theirs to give to the poor." yes! yet another reason to marry a rich, dying man.

seriously though, why must yet another nice, young, talented, cute one be gay? stop bending the other way! dammit. tsk. kx says: next time you can tell some guy:
you can okay my hamonica & i can blow your trumpet! hahaa. woot! how fun. i only play the cornet for now though... which is a small trumpet but it's ok- size don't matter (though height kind of does for me)... its technique tt counts.

wow wow wee wow: check THIS out. haha oh boy, rockson.

i feel like something is missing tonight. i mean REALLY. i feel like i should be doing something but i can't quite remember wat. how do i go to bed with this? i'm gonna regret in the morning, as i always do.

i've checked my email accounts, i've read the news online, i've looked up several words on google and on malaysia cari (which i love, by the way), i've surfed fb (even leaving an excessive number of unnecessary inane comments tonight)... wat have i left out? i wonder if this nagging feeling will persist and how long it'll go on for.

:: There Is No Love - charlie lim

i reviewed my day at the near-end of my workday and i realised that i really love my kids. is it dangerous to treat them like personal projects? with inanimate things, you have total control (well, somewhat) but with people..? is it too risky to let your sense of achievement and self-worth depend on something(someone) which has the exclusive prerogative to determine his/her own fate? hmm. probably. but, seriously, wat else do i know how to do?

i forgot bout a quote hazy had put up on fb:

Love has reasons which reason does not understand.

profound, huh?

i know- i know i have too much faith, sometimes i'm afraid it may one day kill me. maybe it's not faith i have, perhaps foolishness would be more a fitting description. if i saved you would you love me more?

have issues relating to unrequited love? i'd say the best remedy is to stop loving, but then we know tt if it were really tt simple, there wouldn't be an issue to start with would there?

is it just me or are we all programmed to love the deepest those who don't reciprocate? i shouldn't let myself be emo tonight. emo and sick does not bode well for my tomorrow.

:: There Is No Love - charlie lim


only love can make you feel so high- and so dry.


i remember an evening a couple of weeks back. i was just drifting in my usual area, and msged random pple (well ok, maybe not so random) to find a companion for the night. while i do very profoundly enjoy hanging out with myself, there are many times i feel like i'm . of course, hardly anyone replied. tt is the usual, but of course there's always tt asshole who sits in my consciousness and tells me to just give it a shot anyway and then there's me, the fool, who listens to tt faceless voice. so i walk a lonely 10 minutes or so and then daddy calls.

and then it occured to me tt this nagging loneliness that was plaguing me is probably wat my father feels a lot of the time when he's not working. which is prob why he calls me every so often on saturdays (which is not our usual go-out day) to ask wat i'm doing or if i'm at the esplanade again. and it's also probably why he sometimes asks me to go over and stay. i suddenly felt bad for the times he asked me to stay and i just shot back with some lame excuse to not stay over (when really, i was just being lazy). tt evening i concluded tt this loneliness i've been feeling is probably retribution. and i can think of so reasons why i deserve to feel lonely. so anyway, i ended up hanging out with daddy tt night and i think i stayed over at his place too. no, i wasn't trying to gain karma points. i guess i did it out of empathy. if i was gonna be moping round town, i might as well do it while making someone else a bit less lonely. and also because, even though daddy wasn't on my "random" pple list, i think maybe i needed someone around to distract me.

so there. there's just one thing i've been thinking bout. one of the many.


i sometimes feel like i'm in a movie. is this normal? i suddenly realise tt this question is quite inane, cos i don't really care wat the answer is.


There is no love
No future in nostalgia
No blessing in brokenness
Only feelings to be guilty of
But i'm waiting for someone to prove me wrong