Can you help me... occupy my brain?

i find loneliness terribly frustrating sometimes. and i don't mean alone-ness. i'm fine with being alone, in fact sometimes i really enjoy in the time i get to spend with myself. but feeling lonely- with so many pple around- just gets me down. according to my pills, it should be about another week till pms.. so why the hell am i already feeling so despondent now??!

i feel like i'm lagging; the things i aspired to have for myself... nothing's transpired. especially not where i want things to happen. and it's happened for everyone else. and i don't know wat i can do to move forward, if anything at all. i'm not THAT bad, am i? {:o( wat makes this worse is knowing tt being this emo is only gonna make the things i want move further from me. wat am i to make of myself?

i have a lot of pple who love me. in fact i have at least 150, all of whom are under the age of 10 and who i'm sure would do anything i ask if i only smile at them. an ego-booster, no? children are better than men. but i want both. why cannot? it's hard to believe in yourself when the only men who've ever - at one point of time - loved you have turned out to be assholes, and the remaining bits of your love life sound like a record of unrequited love put on replay.

omg i'm wallowing again. i AM sick. of this.


"love songs don't leave you, but lovers often do."