:: Need You Now - lady antebellum
i heard this song before and liked it. just now pecks sent me the link randomly, so now i know who it's by. he was still in the office a half hr ago.. poorthing. feels like a night in currie. me mucking and moping in front of the screen and pecky also fighting sleep with a little help from youtube. i'm in one of those moods...think if i was any more tired than i am now, i'd be superfucking emo.
you know, my kids love justin bieber. in fact, they can't even spell "heard" correctly but they can get his full name right. i really wish they would also generalise the "starts with a capital letter" rule to all other proper nouns and starts of sentences, and not just limit it to Justin Drew Bieber. tt would help them in their english hmwk. REALLY.
talking to edward now. he's nice to talk to. monkey crap.
oh, random life.
Thursday, July 08, 2010
:: Separate Ways - journey
today in the staffrm some pple were talking bout tt poor woman who jumped two nights ago after 8 mths of mourning her husband and someone said oh why she dont just find another husband, why must go and kill herself. nowadays so many people also divorce and marry again wat.
i felt tt was a terrible comparison <---- UNDERSTATEMENT OF THE YEAR!!!!
i pointed out tt at least most couples who divorce have some- even if sometimes limited - choice. this poor woman did not CHOOSE to have her husband die. what more die in such a horrible manner.
thankfully someone else in the room agreed with me. but then this person went on to say aiyah anyway dunno why so many pple divorce. if you want to get divorced then don't marry lah!
TSK. i guess sometimes pple just don't think very much before they speak. i try my best to give them the benefit of the doubt but really, it's so tiring explaining to pple all the time. even after i do, pple still tell me ya but i still think pple shouldnt get married if theyre gonna fight.
errrrrr................
on the brighter side...
:: Ca Fait Rire Les Oiseaux - La Compagnie Créole
today in the staffrm some pple were talking bout tt poor woman who jumped two nights ago after 8 mths of mourning her husband and someone said oh why she dont just find another husband, why must go and kill herself. nowadays so many people also divorce and marry again wat.
i felt tt was a terrible comparison <---- UNDERSTATEMENT OF THE YEAR!!!!
i pointed out tt at least most couples who divorce have some- even if sometimes limited - choice. this poor woman did not CHOOSE to have her husband die. what more die in such a horrible manner.
thankfully someone else in the room agreed with me. but then this person went on to say aiyah anyway dunno why so many pple divorce. if you want to get divorced then don't marry lah!
TSK. i guess sometimes pple just don't think very much before they speak. i try my best to give them the benefit of the doubt but really, it's so tiring explaining to pple all the time. even after i do, pple still tell me ya but i still think pple shouldnt get married if theyre gonna fight.
errrrrr................
on the brighter side...
:: Ca Fait Rire Les Oiseaux - La Compagnie Créole
Sunday, June 27, 2010
jam jam jam jam jam jam - yeah!!!
we're a bit out of form but we managed anyway and it was fun and we tried some new stuff at a new studio so yay!
next week: new term --> new, exciting happenings? dunno. guess so. hope so.
:: Drive - the cars
the other day at a sch function, the very opinionated counsellor was telling everyone at the table how highly she thought of me and how i should go and get a bf cos later got no time and it's such a waste ah and why don't i introduce a nice boy to you blablablah. "er... it's ok lah. no need.. i'll just consider myself married to the sch. in fact maybe i should become a nun.. then can leave late and come in early cos i'll have nowhere to go anyway. mm ya. ha. ha. ha." said i to which she replied insistently tt it was a waste and this kind of thing cannot joke- no time no time.
but i guess though most pple i meet like me for who they know me as, i'm not the easiest person to love, at least not for the longterm. so i'll just love my kids cos i know at least tt my love is going to make a difference to someone. it's not wasteful if no one else needs my love anyway, right? unless you know of a place where i can buy the life i envisioned for myself off the shelf without having to sell my soul. sometimes it bothers me to think about my own future; teaching gives me the chance to think bout someone else's instead.
:: The Hype - the hampdens
we're a bit out of form but we managed anyway and it was fun and we tried some new stuff at a new studio so yay!
next week: new term --> new, exciting happenings? dunno. guess so. hope so.
:: Drive - the cars
the other day at a sch function, the very opinionated counsellor was telling everyone at the table how highly she thought of me and how i should go and get a bf cos later got no time and it's such a waste ah and why don't i introduce a nice boy to you blablablah. "er... it's ok lah. no need.. i'll just consider myself married to the sch. in fact maybe i should become a nun.. then can leave late and come in early cos i'll have nowhere to go anyway. mm ya. ha. ha. ha." said i to which she replied insistently tt it was a waste and this kind of thing cannot joke- no time no time.
but i guess though most pple i meet like me for who they know me as, i'm not the easiest person to love, at least not for the longterm. so i'll just love my kids cos i know at least tt my love is going to make a difference to someone. it's not wasteful if no one else needs my love anyway, right? unless you know of a place where i can buy the life i envisioned for myself off the shelf without having to sell my soul. sometimes it bothers me to think about my own future; teaching gives me the chance to think bout someone else's instead.
:: The Hype - the hampdens
Friday, June 25, 2010
Am I not pretty enough?
Is my heart too broken?
Do I cry too much?
Am I too outspoken?
Don't I make you laugh?
Should I try it harder?
Why do you see right through me?
I live
I breathe
I let it rain on me
I sleep
I wake
I try hard not to break
I crave
I love
I've waited long enough
I try as hard as I can
Am I not pretty enough?
Is my heart too broken?
Do I cry too much?
Am I too outspoken?
Don't I make you laugh?
Should I try it harder?
Why do you see right through me?
I laugh
I feel
I make believe it's real
I fall
I freeze
I pray down on my knees
I hope
I stand,
I take it like a man
I try as hard as I can
Why do you see, why do you see, why do you see right through me?
:: Am I Not Pretty Enough - kasey chambers
feeling insecure again. why does this have to happen every month?! fuck. menstrual moods never did do me no favours {:o(
Is my heart too broken?
Do I cry too much?
Am I too outspoken?
Don't I make you laugh?
Should I try it harder?
Why do you see right through me?
I live
I breathe
I let it rain on me
I sleep
I wake
I try hard not to break
I crave
I love
I've waited long enough
I try as hard as I can
Am I not pretty enough?
Is my heart too broken?
Do I cry too much?
Am I too outspoken?
Don't I make you laugh?
Should I try it harder?
Why do you see right through me?
I laugh
I feel
I make believe it's real
I fall
I freeze
I pray down on my knees
I hope
I stand,
I take it like a man
I try as hard as I can
Why do you see, why do you see, why do you see right through me?
:: Am I Not Pretty Enough - kasey chambers
feeling insecure again. why does this have to happen every month?! fuck. menstrual moods never did do me no favours {:o(
Monday, June 21, 2010
wah, just saw some posb-sponsored ad bout family. can really relate to tt...
i wonder wat mama is doing in london now. aunty g told us she had convinced her to go and stay with london aunty for a while, since her lease for the condo was ending soon anyway. aunty g smsed everyone to tell them and said something like "i think it would be a nice to give her a call to wish her all the best before she leaves". i didn't do tt of course. and i don't hink anyone in my hse did. sometimes i feel sorry for her, you know. but then she always has to do something to make me regret feeling sorry. and i don't like regretting.
speaking of ancestors and annoying relatives, i've just got back frm my sort of motherland early this morning. i wouldn't say i enjoyred the trip very much, but at the same time i didn't dislike it. the best part was the reaching there and the leaving. i think i just like to be at a different place sometimes. mm... wat else.. the dinner on the last night was quite nice. got to meet daddy's beijing cousins and one wife and one daughter. they were the nicest cina-nese pple we met on the WHOLE trip. on the way back frm dinner, zehzeh kept saying wat cute old pple they were and i said: tt's cos we havent seen them spit out of their car window yet; we prob won't think they're as cute after tt. and we all had a nice chuckle about it.
i wonder wat mama is doing in london now. aunty g told us she had convinced her to go and stay with london aunty for a while, since her lease for the condo was ending soon anyway. aunty g smsed everyone to tell them and said something like "i think it would be a nice to give her a call to wish her all the best before she leaves". i didn't do tt of course. and i don't hink anyone in my hse did. sometimes i feel sorry for her, you know. but then she always has to do something to make me regret feeling sorry. and i don't like regretting.
speaking of ancestors and annoying relatives, i've just got back frm my sort of motherland early this morning. i wouldn't say i enjoyred the trip very much, but at the same time i didn't dislike it. the best part was the reaching there and the leaving. i think i just like to be at a different place sometimes. mm... wat else.. the dinner on the last night was quite nice. got to meet daddy's beijing cousins and one wife and one daughter. they were the nicest cina-nese pple we met on the WHOLE trip. on the way back frm dinner, zehzeh kept saying wat cute old pple they were and i said: tt's cos we havent seen them spit out of their car window yet; we prob won't think they're as cute after tt. and we all had a nice chuckle about it.
Monday, June 07, 2010
Saturday, May 29, 2010
it suddenly dawned on me on the train home tt i already am tt crazy bag lady i talk about all the time. i lug a motherload of emotional baggage in my heart and all i'm doing about it is getting used to the weight. if i want to be allowed onto the elevator tt will bring me greater emotional heights, i'm gonna need to throw out some of the things that i'm done using. i'll prob still be crazy, but without all the unnecessary anxiety. corny as it sounds, i think this epiphany is going to liberate me. i pray it's not too late.
Friday, May 28, 2010
feeling pretty terrible right now. i thought i needed to be honest and tell him how insecure i was when he was away, and tt i was afraid he was gonna go off and never come back. it was really bothering me to the point where i couldn't think bout anything else anymore. so i told the truth because i felt he needed to know tt i am truly a stupid basketcase sometimes. i guess i'm not being very fair. i thought more than a year was enough to help me move on. and i did move on but somehow i've backtracked into a stupid rut of insecurity. how did we get here, amelia?
now ive had a cry about it, i'm thinking ok great maybe i can now concentrate a bit more and think straight. but i fucked up already. terribly. and sorrys are not gonna be able to undo jackshit. i'm sorry, gimi. i love you like more than a good friend and it's not fair of me to expect more from you than you're ready to give. and i need to let go of these things tt are dragging me down. {:o(
now ive had a cry about it, i'm thinking ok great maybe i can now concentrate a bit more and think straight. but i fucked up already. terribly. and sorrys are not gonna be able to undo jackshit. i'm sorry, gimi. i love you like more than a good friend and it's not fair of me to expect more from you than you're ready to give. and i need to let go of these things tt are dragging me down. {:o(