:: There Is No Love - charlie lim


only love can make you feel so high- and so dry.


i remember an evening a couple of weeks back. i was just drifting in my usual area, and msged random pple (well ok, maybe not so random) to find a companion for the night. while i do very profoundly enjoy hanging out with myself, there are many times i feel like i'm . of course, hardly anyone replied. tt is the usual, but of course there's always tt asshole who sits in my consciousness and tells me to just give it a shot anyway and then there's me, the fool, who listens to tt faceless voice. so i walk a lonely 10 minutes or so and then daddy calls.

and then it occured to me tt this nagging loneliness that was plaguing me is probably wat my father feels a lot of the time when he's not working. which is prob why he calls me every so often on saturdays (which is not our usual go-out day) to ask wat i'm doing or if i'm at the esplanade again. and it's also probably why he sometimes asks me to go over and stay. i suddenly felt bad for the times he asked me to stay and i just shot back with some lame excuse to not stay over (when really, i was just being lazy). tt evening i concluded tt this loneliness i've been feeling is probably retribution. and i can think of so reasons why i deserve to feel lonely. so anyway, i ended up hanging out with daddy tt night and i think i stayed over at his place too. no, i wasn't trying to gain karma points. i guess i did it out of empathy. if i was gonna be moping round town, i might as well do it while making someone else a bit less lonely. and also because, even though daddy wasn't on my "random" pple list, i think maybe i needed someone around to distract me.

so there. there's just one thing i've been thinking bout. one of the many.


i sometimes feel like i'm in a movie. is this normal? i suddenly realise tt this question is quite inane, cos i don't really care wat the answer is.


There is no love
No future in nostalgia
No blessing in brokenness
Only feelings to be guilty of
But i'm waiting for someone to prove me wrong

Being a Dickhead's Cool

I got in... (da da da da da!)
You couldn't get in... (na na na na na!)
... Being a dickhead's cool, cool, COOL!

HAAHAHAAHHAAHA. can't stop dancing to this song.

:: Animal - neon trees

it's hard to think deeply about anything outside of school since i'm almost always tired because my days right now revolve around planning lessons, delivering them, giving homework and then figuring out how to get them back all done, then going back home, eating, reading the papers and then checking my email. and also since, despite the drooping eyelids, i insist on keeping such ridiculous sleeptimes.

Oh oh I want some more
Oh oh what are you waiting for
Take a bite of my heart tonight

Oh oh I want some more
Oh oh what are you waiting for
Say goodbye to my heart tonight

:: Noise Singapore CD (courtesy of ain)






hahhaa damn cute right, this fucker! hahahhaa. cuteness max lah.

:: 3 Little Words - frankmusik

hallo -goodbye. hallo -goodbye. i'm so sick of it.

i'm nervous. i feel like i haven't had a good enough break and i can't bring myself to go to bed cos i know tt once i close my eyes, tt'd be the end of my holiday. i'm not ready for sch. i don't like first days.

it's disturbingly quiet in my head right now. i guess i won't know wat's coming if i don't open my eyes and jump right into this yr. ok, here goes. (i wish you were here to hold my hand)

i'm wondering if i should go... i mean, wat am i going to do at a party where i feel like i'm the only one not drinking? and now tt i can't even do shisha, i seriously won't have anything to do aside frm holding the guitar and pretending to look cool. i don't like pretending i'm enjoying myself when i'm really feeling very awkward inside.

i'm wondering now if i'm even invited.

this is where my self-esteem does a titanic. no big deal... just the monthly nonsense. same ole same ole. maybe i should get viral again, like last yr. but if i remember correctly, staying at home alone was quite a downer too. i need a muse ment, if you know wat i mean. {:o(

you know the other day as i sat at the kopitiam devouring my favourite wanton mee, i concluded tt i should reconsider marrying a hawker (pontian wanton mee, preferred). yes, i have thought about it before. but i don't know enough hawkers (see: any). maybe i should start getting friendly when i order my food. even if it's an auntie at the stall... she might just recommend me to her son maybe?
just a thought.


i don't feel comfortable bout starting the day, today. i'd really appreciate pple being more straightforward sometimes.

:: What You Know - two door cinema club

"Maybe next year
I'll have no time"

:: Girls Just Wanna Have Fun - greg laswell

wow. just wow. cept for tt last dissonant chord.

:: In The Mood - glenn miller (in my head)

when you're riding on a motorcycle and it zips past a moving car, for about two seconds the wind burshing against your leg suddenly turns cold. but only for two seconds- until you once again overtake another moving car. why's this so? that was wat i kept asking myself in between my prayers as julius was pushing 140km/h on the PIE earlier. quite thrilling but fucking scary at the same time.

why is it i can feel the faintest bumps on the road? even the supposedly mini tremors that hit christchurch the other day... it really seemed like someone had kicked my bed damn hard; i def wouldn't have described tt as faint or slight tremors. why is it i can hear the constant squeal of electrical waves of people's tvs when i walk outside their house. it's not the dialogue or the sounds of the tv tt i hear, but wat seems like an overtone of an overtone. why is it the slightest taste of alcohol or a cup of fresh milk or a whiff of strong perfume or a mouthful of pungent durian can immediately make my feel sick? why do some smells, even in small doses, set my heartbeat racing and cause me to feel panic? why do i feel extremely cranky and sullen for days whenever mummy replaces or buys a piece of furniture? why is it just a riff of a song played over and over can bring me to tears? why do i always get tt feeling of deja vu? why is it my body seems to detect and amplify sounds and smells and sensations and produce exaggerated physical reactions??

ok i've just researched a link tt dom offered me last time. he said tt he thought andrew and i fell into this category. and on hindsight, i guess he could be right. how else do i explain the way i am. you could say ya but everyone also feel things wat or tt i'm a hypochondriac or just trying to be different. but i can assure you tt most pple don't feel the way i do and i don't even try to be different.. it's just tt everytime i try to think the way other pple think, it fees so foreign.

CHOPE!-- this is totally unrelated, but i've just become a fan of HI 5. tt show is fucking hilarious. especially tt stevie shark and tt tim something. they sound and act like poofter bogans, it's just damn funny. i watched the dvd with kboy last night and i couldn't stop laughing.-- UNCHOPE!

so anyway, i guess this may also explain my need to hide in 'safe' places occasionally. like in my wardrobe (i try not to do this anymore cos the last time i hid i tried to climb into a compartment of my wardrobe, i broke it; circa 8, 9 yrs ago.. now i just stick to sitting under my table).