i try my best, but sometimes it's hard not to feel like the biggest fool in the world.

:: Under Cover of Darkness - the strokes

i love you julian casablancas. marry me!!

in other news, i've been starting to read up more on opposition parties and stuff, just in case i get a chance to vote this year. don't wanna anyhow do and then regret it. i've got lots of things to say regarding this country's political system and its parties and the things that ahve been said about several contentious issues tt've been in the talked bout lately. but it's just too much for me to bother to write down here. besides, i don't want this space to be featured on some forum. maybe i'll write more when i have the time and the mood. (one thing tt's quite salient in my mind right now is tt kenneth j s/o jbj kind of speaks like he's got a stiff upper lip. not sure wat the implications of tt are but tt's just bout all i have time to say now on local politics haha). lately i've been reading so much and thinking so much bout things (not just politics) tt i haven't had time to write it all out coherently and read it to myself.

lots of things have been going on this yr and i'm just trying to keep up. on the other hand, there are also things that i want to happen tt haven't quite materialised. Sometimes the last thing you want comes in first.
Sometimes the first thing you want never comes. (aqualung). i really like it tt some song writers are good at coming up with these aphorisms. i know it gets corny sometimes but i like them.

lots of pple hhve been bugging me to upload pics i've taken onto fb so i've been trying to be obliging and do it. while looking for relevant ones for bug-gers, i started looking at some irrelevant old pictures. irrelevant to the requests but apparently, not so irrelevant to me... considering how much time i'm spending browsing and reminiscing.

I read just now on yahoonews (ya, i know, it's trashy but it's a convenient read. plus, the comments are good for laugh sometimes) about some girl called samantha who called in to the 91.3 to rant about how uncultured heartlanders have been swarming her holland v and how it's causing her some sort of distress. pretty inane right? but it gets real bitchy. just read the article yourself --> HERE

and listen to the soundbite --> HERE

...and also, the reply by Maddy from bedok --> HERE


Samantha, did you know that Holland V has tons of HDB flats right at its backdoor? My grandfather lives 5 mins walk from holland v and he wants to know why you are poking fun at his shorts and tai seng slippers. Grandpa also wants you to know that your tacky LV bag and starbucks coffee are spoiling the culture of his holland village kopitiam. He's lived there since 1970, and you were born... when ah? (GRANDPA - 1 , SAMANTHA THE CULTURED BIGOT - 0 !!!)

Anyhoo, I hope you enjoy your highclass $5 laksa... while wallowing in your air of self-righteousness. Poor thing.. letting your so-called "culturedness" stand in the way of experiencing the joys of queueing half an hour to pay only $2.50 to enjoy a sumptious bowl of soto ayam istimewa (surprise! we also know how to queue up!) or of taking the MRT far, far away from your safe enclave to shop at Bugis (oh HORROR!!). And suggesting that your pricier bowl of noodles is more superior and too refined for these unsophisticated heartlanders whom you claim to understand so well... Really, who can blame you? Especially since your neighbourhood IS, of course, the most cultured place YOU know. And my, aren't you the most cultured person around.

I'm not so sure about this dichotomy of "Holland V culture" and "heartlander culture" you claim exists, but i'm pretty sure that anyone who draws such infantile conclusions - without even bothering to first fully understand either side, and for the sake of being able to whine about how your rights are being compromised - is obviously an idiot. But don't worry, Samantha... at least you're a CULTURED idiot, no? {:o)


hahaha i just saw a comment on the soundbite page. someone said tt this will probably be on the noose soon. hell yea! i'll make sure not to miss tt episode.

i know it's late but it feels too early to turn in.

will i ever be your raisin bread?

I've been watching your world from afar.
I've been trying to be where you are.
And I've been secretly falling apart, unseen.

To me, you're strange and you're beautiful.
You'd be so perfect with me but you just can't see;
You turn every head but you don't see me.

I'll put a spell on you;
You'll fall asleep and I'll put a spell on you.
And when I wake you,
I'll be the first thing you see
And you'll realise that you love me.

Yeah...
Yeah...

Sometimes, the last thing you want comes in first.
Sometimes, the first thing you want never comes.
And I know, the waiting is all you can do,
Sometimes...

I'll put a spell on you;
You'll fall asleep.
I'll put a spell on you
And when I wake you,
I'll be the first thing you see,
And you'll realise that you love me.

I'll put a spell on you,
You'll fall asleep cos I'll put a spell on you,
And when I wake you,
I'll be the first thing you see,
And you'll realise that you love me, yeah...

Yeah...
Yeah...


: Strange and Beautiful - aqualung

:: Qing Ren De Yan Lei (Lovers' Tears) - poon sow keng (pan xiu qiong)



mummy used to play this song on the piano when we were young. (young.. Bah! wat a distant notion! haha). you know, the only chinese songs i really like are the really old ones. like... this one, and teresa teng's stuff, and like wo de xin li zhi you ni mei you ta, and some old hokkien ones. i was just telling karin how odd it is tt despite not ever listening to chinese radio and not watching getai and all tt, i seem to find songs like these very very familiar. i wonder why. i'd never even stepped foot into chinatown till i was in poly. maybe in some past life, i was a trishaw rider with gramophone attached to my ride, and from which i would blare the latest records to try and attract rich taitais. i know... i was so cool right? too bad i had to be reborn as emoqueen#1. oh well. reminising is pretty fun anyhow.



oh see wat karin just showed me:



you can see more of it HERE. pretty smart right. i love simple but smart things. in fact, i love simple but smart pple too. perhaps it's cos i'm complicated and questionably clever. hmm yes.

i'm very lucky tt zehzeh and sean and co. are ok in cc. some bad shit gg on over there. see amelia? it could always be worse. yes i know. God is so kind to me, sometimes i feel like i don't deserve it. but then mummy says tt it's ok tt i overcharge pple for tuition since i almost always give the money away to someone needy in the end anyway. "some pple have so much money and don't donate it at all. so you don't feel bad taking theirs to give to the poor." yes! yet another reason to marry a rich, dying man.

seriously though, why must yet another nice, young, talented, cute one be gay? stop bending the other way! dammit. tsk. kx says: next time you can tell some guy:
you can okay my hamonica & i can blow your trumpet! hahaa. woot! how fun. i only play the cornet for now though... which is a small trumpet but it's ok- size don't matter (though height kind of does for me)... its technique tt counts.

wow wow wee wow: check THIS out. haha oh boy, rockson.

i feel like something is missing tonight. i mean REALLY. i feel like i should be doing something but i can't quite remember wat. how do i go to bed with this? i'm gonna regret in the morning, as i always do.

i've checked my email accounts, i've read the news online, i've looked up several words on google and on malaysia cari (which i love, by the way), i've surfed fb (even leaving an excessive number of unnecessary inane comments tonight)... wat have i left out? i wonder if this nagging feeling will persist and how long it'll go on for.

:: There Is No Love - charlie lim

i reviewed my day at the near-end of my workday and i realised that i really love my kids. is it dangerous to treat them like personal projects? with inanimate things, you have total control (well, somewhat) but with people..? is it too risky to let your sense of achievement and self-worth depend on something(someone) which has the exclusive prerogative to determine his/her own fate? hmm. probably. but, seriously, wat else do i know how to do?

i forgot bout a quote hazy had put up on fb:

Love has reasons which reason does not understand.

profound, huh?

i know- i know i have too much faith, sometimes i'm afraid it may one day kill me. maybe it's not faith i have, perhaps foolishness would be more a fitting description. if i saved you would you love me more?

have issues relating to unrequited love? i'd say the best remedy is to stop loving, but then we know tt if it were really tt simple, there wouldn't be an issue to start with would there?

is it just me or are we all programmed to love the deepest those who don't reciprocate? i shouldn't let myself be emo tonight. emo and sick does not bode well for my tomorrow.

:: There Is No Love - charlie lim


only love can make you feel so high- and so dry.


i remember an evening a couple of weeks back. i was just drifting in my usual area, and msged random pple (well ok, maybe not so random) to find a companion for the night. while i do very profoundly enjoy hanging out with myself, there are many times i feel like i'm . of course, hardly anyone replied. tt is the usual, but of course there's always tt asshole who sits in my consciousness and tells me to just give it a shot anyway and then there's me, the fool, who listens to tt faceless voice. so i walk a lonely 10 minutes or so and then daddy calls.

and then it occured to me tt this nagging loneliness that was plaguing me is probably wat my father feels a lot of the time when he's not working. which is prob why he calls me every so often on saturdays (which is not our usual go-out day) to ask wat i'm doing or if i'm at the esplanade again. and it's also probably why he sometimes asks me to go over and stay. i suddenly felt bad for the times he asked me to stay and i just shot back with some lame excuse to not stay over (when really, i was just being lazy). tt evening i concluded tt this loneliness i've been feeling is probably retribution. and i can think of so reasons why i deserve to feel lonely. so anyway, i ended up hanging out with daddy tt night and i think i stayed over at his place too. no, i wasn't trying to gain karma points. i guess i did it out of empathy. if i was gonna be moping round town, i might as well do it while making someone else a bit less lonely. and also because, even though daddy wasn't on my "random" pple list, i think maybe i needed someone around to distract me.

so there. there's just one thing i've been thinking bout. one of the many.


i sometimes feel like i'm in a movie. is this normal? i suddenly realise tt this question is quite inane, cos i don't really care wat the answer is.


There is no love
No future in nostalgia
No blessing in brokenness
Only feelings to be guilty of
But i'm waiting for someone to prove me wrong