i'm so upset right now. but i feel so petty and stupid at the same time cos norisa's dad just passed away from an accident and here i am crying and being extremely vexed over a lunch gathering that is totally not working. why do pple have to be so fucking annoying.

it's ok. i'm going for confession tmr.

i can't sleep when i'm upset.

i've been feeling like God is playing some stupid joke on me and it's just not funny at all.

i'm beginning to have second thoughts about my decision to leave next year. it'll really hurt to have to leave my kids.

i feel like there's something missing in my life and there's a nagging feeling that it'll never come. i'm tired and i'm sick.

you want? haha.

when things were a little more exciting. when we'd get a little wild and a little wet. ok, i guess i could afford to be a little less conservative in my admissions.

:: I Want To Wake Up With You - boris gardiner

do you feel like tt too? stuck in a rut but just not having the energy to goad yourself out to just hope for something better than wat you think you want? i must try to get more sleep. exhaustion makes me depressed.

did you know tt i'm interested in chinese herbology? i think it's absolutely fascinating. but then again, many things fascinate me. ants, floating organisms in my eyes, clouds, raindrops rolling down the car window, among other random things.

sometimes i thing God is cruel in that he made me extroadinarily curious yet at the same time extroadinarily terrible at time-management. so i always seem to have too many things to do but too little time to do it all.

i will marry the man who can buy me time to do all i ever want to do in this world. dunno how he'd feel bout me though..

:: Trouble Sleeping - the perishers

i need to start catching some ants again. pretty anxious to get my ant farm going.


last night after jan's party, i went back home and i cried. someone had pushed me up against the open window frame and threatened to throw me out. it was some random friend of a friend of a friend. he was physically very big and definitely capable of doing what he had threatened to do. all because he was drunk and he didn't want me to change his music. i don't think i'd ever really feared for my life like that before. think i cried because was angry and wished i'd done more but then i guess i did all i could by clinging on to the nearest grill and then moving from the window when the coast was clear.

i drove a fair bit today. but i seriously think i'm not safe to have on the roads. within the span of one redlight, i daydreamt a whole dream-- i had fallen down and broken my arm while playing with s-boy and then was trying to decide who to call to send me to the hospital: yati, edric, hafiz, aunty june. i hadn't finished deciding when i came back to earth and realised i needed to start rolling again. being in a car makes me sleepy.

i love kenefe and other turkish sweets.

another beautiful dream tonight, pls. (baby, come to me.) how was it that it was so weird but so pleasant at the same time. haven't felt that way in a while.

just.. entrancing.

:: Flock of Hearts - the phoenix foundation (ost. Boy)

a bit like polyphonic spree. good listening. and great movie.

i wonder how long it will be before i get really bored from being home alone. i know i'd appreciate some company though.

oh where did we go, my lovely?

There is no love;
No future in nostalgia.

There is no love;
No blessing in brokenness.

There is no love;
Only feelings to be guilty of.

There is no love;
But I'm waiting for someone to prove me wrong.


:: There is no Love - charlie lim

i suddenly feel like eating sara lee pound cake... with extra butter on the top. rgh.

so many things going on in my head. i haven't given myself enough time to sit down and write it all out. where will i find this time?

i drove to shell at the old shell club twice. i remembered him because he tried to flirt with me. he remembered me because he tried to flirt with me. i knew he was myanmarese because i'm fairly good at guessing at pple's ethnicity/nationality based on looks/behaviour. thinking bout him makes me shy and sheepish. am i just feeling deprived? when are we driving to shell again?

:: I Don't Have Time to be in Love - priscilla ahn