i believe in the strength of faith. and i think that for kids growing up, learning how to put your faith in things you can't see or touch is a great life skill.

farhana's dad passed away yesterday. i wanted to be able to tell her it would all be all right. because it aalways has to be in the end. and if it's not, it's probably not the end. but i don't think now is a time she is ready to hear tt. i remember when my heart was broken and my friends told me everything would be fine, you're better without tt bastard anyway, you're so lucky this happened now instead of later. i knew at the back of my head tt they were telling the truth but tere was a part of me tt could not accept wat had been dealt to me. i needed time to get over my pain and believe wat i needed to believe, which was the truth. i hope for farhana tt the time for her to accept will come soon. for norisa too, whose dad passed away couple of day ago in some accident. i don't know the details and i feel bad i never went over to see her.

in the past 3 years, i've had about 10 of my friends' father or mother pass away. i've also attended about 10 weddings. i remember anticipating tt there would be a time when many of my friends are graduating, a time when all of them would be getting married or carving out their career, a time are getting married, a time when we would all be having kids [ya, me included. i guess i'm just lagging :( ], and then a time when we will all be dropping off to our permanent sleep one by one. but i never did imagine tt the time when many of my friends' parents would be dying early (all before 60). and i never imagined i'd be this worried for my own parents. somemore i've got three.

i've been worrying bout my own future. i guess i never thought things would be this way- the way they are now. and i'm not really sure i'm gonna like wat i'm gonna get. but i guess my resourcefulness always manages to help me find ways to appreciate my situation. it just bothers me tt i really don't know how my life's gonna turn out and if things will pan out. but nothing really is static, is it?