i'm wondering if i should go... i mean, wat am i going to do at a party where i feel like i'm the only one not drinking? and now tt i can't even do shisha, i seriously won't have anything to do aside frm holding the guitar and pretending to look cool. i don't like pretending i'm enjoying myself when i'm really feeling very awkward inside.

i'm wondering now if i'm even invited.

this is where my self-esteem does a titanic. no big deal... just the monthly nonsense. same ole same ole. maybe i should get viral again, like last yr. but if i remember correctly, staying at home alone was quite a downer too. i need a muse ment, if you know wat i mean. {:o(

you know the other day as i sat at the kopitiam devouring my favourite wanton mee, i concluded tt i should reconsider marrying a hawker (pontian wanton mee, preferred). yes, i have thought about it before. but i don't know enough hawkers (see: any). maybe i should start getting friendly when i order my food. even if it's an auntie at the stall... she might just recommend me to her son maybe?
just a thought.


i don't feel comfortable bout starting the day, today. i'd really appreciate pple being more straightforward sometimes.

:: What You Know - two door cinema club

"Maybe next year
I'll have no time"

:: Girls Just Wanna Have Fun - greg laswell

wow. just wow. cept for tt last dissonant chord.

:: In The Mood - glenn miller (in my head)

when you're riding on a motorcycle and it zips past a moving car, for about two seconds the wind burshing against your leg suddenly turns cold. but only for two seconds- until you once again overtake another moving car. why's this so? that was wat i kept asking myself in between my prayers as julius was pushing 140km/h on the PIE earlier. quite thrilling but fucking scary at the same time.

why is it i can feel the faintest bumps on the road? even the supposedly mini tremors that hit christchurch the other day... it really seemed like someone had kicked my bed damn hard; i def wouldn't have described tt as faint or slight tremors. why is it i can hear the constant squeal of electrical waves of people's tvs when i walk outside their house. it's not the dialogue or the sounds of the tv tt i hear, but wat seems like an overtone of an overtone. why is it the slightest taste of alcohol or a cup of fresh milk or a whiff of strong perfume or a mouthful of pungent durian can immediately make my feel sick? why do some smells, even in small doses, set my heartbeat racing and cause me to feel panic? why do i feel extremely cranky and sullen for days whenever mummy replaces or buys a piece of furniture? why is it just a riff of a song played over and over can bring me to tears? why do i always get tt feeling of deja vu? why is it my body seems to detect and amplify sounds and smells and sensations and produce exaggerated physical reactions??

ok i've just researched a link tt dom offered me last time. he said tt he thought andrew and i fell into this category. and on hindsight, i guess he could be right. how else do i explain the way i am. you could say ya but everyone also feel things wat or tt i'm a hypochondriac or just trying to be different. but i can assure you tt most pple don't feel the way i do and i don't even try to be different.. it's just tt everytime i try to think the way other pple think, it fees so foreign.

CHOPE!-- this is totally unrelated, but i've just become a fan of HI 5. tt show is fucking hilarious. especially tt stevie shark and tt tim something. they sound and act like poofter bogans, it's just damn funny. i watched the dvd with kboy last night and i couldn't stop laughing.-- UNCHOPE!

so anyway, i guess this may also explain my need to hide in 'safe' places occasionally. like in my wardrobe (i try not to do this anymore cos the last time i hid i tried to climb into a compartment of my wardrobe, i broke it; circa 8, 9 yrs ago.. now i just stick to sitting under my table).

i know i know.. i know i said i'd go to bed, but then i just realised (waaay overdue) tt rockson has started blogging again. go read ---> TALK ROCK

hahahhhaa. tt funny fucker... clever and crude. tsk i like lah. hur hur.

okok i go sleep now. like for real ok.

wah tt nor aini asmom really chose a bad time to lose her gahmen job. no 2month bonus for her. oh well, thank goodness the only terrorist i hide in my hse is mr mabuk, the little babbling boy. no time to blog... too busy.

i'm quite confident bout failing my advanced theory tmr. i know because i feel like i did the night before my first attempt at basic theory. oh well.. let's see how far my procrastination can take me.

sch in 7 hours. FUCK.

fucking brilliant, tt ikea. i loves it loves it. and i must mention too tt i fucking LURVE priness cake. go HERE to see more. and HERE too. wah, wat i would do for a lovely slice of prinsesstårta right now... oh yes....

:: Black Sheep - the clash at demonhead (ost. scott pilgrim vs world)

discovered this song via vien's fb (tankewk, ah) and it some bits remind me of placebo's version of where is my mind. did a bit of research and found the original version of black sheep but this one's still better... plus of course it's got tt tt envy adams character pulling some sexy moves.

karin, regina and i will have a flea mkt stall later this month if all goes well with the registration. so exciting- YAY!!!

in other news, a couple of weeks ago, as i was crossing the rd away frm st p&p, i had the urge to write a paper on symbolism in religion. duno why i've been feeling pretty academic-like the past month. must be the lingering after-effects of tt geekful night at edmen's place. we're gonna get some cool geeky shit from HERE

more blabberings another day. i really should be sleeping if don't wanna be cranky at vox prac next week. oh and we're jamming next week after goodness knows how long. BUT... we're gonna have sessionists so it'll be interesting to see how tt works out.

:: Where Is My Mind - maxence cyrin

:: Crazy Doctor - the loudness

i recently realised tt he's actually saying Take me away from here forever. hahaha. quite funny. but this song is nice lah... damn fierce.

Take me away from here forever!!...
Take me away from here forever!!...
Take me away from here forever!!...
Take me away from here forever!!...
Oooh yea... ooo yea---oh!!!!!!

HAHAHA. wah, shiok only.

:: Coming Around Again - carly simon

i've got so many musings, they're threatening to force their way out through my ears. i've so many books to read and so many movies to watch and so many children to guide and so many places to go and so many things to eat and so much love to make (mm, not sure bout this one...) and so many newspapers to read and so many clothes to wear and so many flea mkts to scour and so many things i want to learn and so many friends to keep in touch with and so much music to make and so much to write. but i guess for tonight we'll have to settle for one para.

:: Living in a Tree - priscilla ahn

it's hazy- just like my mind.

how much do you want it?

:: Caribbean Queen - billy ocean

i told myself i'd sleep earlier tonight. ya.

omg terence just sent me a youtube link for a chage and aska vid. HAHAHA CHAGE AND ASKA! wtf. i wonder wat ever happened to them man... i remember aunty g had their cd. or was it mummy? haha.

there is no fucking thing as 60sec-dry nail polish. liars!

anyhoo, while waiting for my little masterpieces to dry, i re-watched a bit of the first episode of freaks and geeks on youtube. haha love tt show.

shit i'm getting hungry. i wonder wat stereotype category i'd fall under if i had been schooled in the US... i mean, other than the 'token asian kid' label. need food right now. ah i know- bananas!

songe-tu parfois à l'inconnu qui est assis en face de toi dans le métro? si ouai... check this out (how do you say 'check this out' in french, anyway? anyone?): L'Inconnu du Métro

this girl does wat i've always felt compelled to do on the bus/train. damn interesting if you do understand french. thanks for sharing, marie dinkle!


so far, i've mostly only made conversation with taxi drivers. one of the few times i spoke to a stranger on public mass transport was bout 5 yrs back, when i found myself on the train, sitting next to this lady (who later introduced herself as 'Penelope'. or some other long, 'P' name..) who happened to be doing her french wkbk. of course, being the kaypoh tt i cannot help being, i was looking at all her answers and mentally going through them one by one, while also observing her scanning the questions and looking quite clueless. finaly, when i really couldn't tahan anymore, i said: "excuse me, sorry to be a busybody (blatant lie), but do you mind if i help you correct one of your answers?"

tsk. i know, i know... so yaya right. macam my french damn good. but anyway, it was still better than hers. lucky for me, she was really friendly. she said she was on the way to her af class which she hadn't gone for a while. she was kind of embarrassed tt i'd been watching her but she said she welcomed any help. i explained to her conjugation rules and some blablahs of wat i knew of french grammar. sometimes i wonder how her french lesson went tt evening. i hope she's progressed to where she wanted to be.

ok lah, no more stories already, amelia. stop procrastinating and just fucking go and sleep.

oh oh, and today i poked an old man who was sitting on the steps outside an mrt station, sleeping. i just wanted to make sure he was alive. i don't feel comfortable walking past someone, knowing they might be dead- do you? so... yes, he was alive. (otherwise this post would've been on something entirely different.)

okok, i'm really not gonna type anymore ok? i'll REALLY go to sleep in like... 10 mins. mornite, world.

after the very zestful exchange of language-teaching ideas/methods and rehashing of linguistic jargon and theories at edmen's hse the other day, i feel the renewed urge to throw myself into anything linguistic-related. so i did some googling and came up with this: Language Conferences Worldwide

and then i found this http://www.fas.nus.edu.sg/cls/clasic2010/Registration.htm. but fuck! 480$? i never knew attending conferences cost tt much. i feel quite naive but i had actually (till 5 mins ago) thought tt these kinds of things were free. nabei. tsk. watever. i guess i cant make it anyway cos of work. so much for sch "holidays"... meh.

i think i'm grumpy cos i'm hungry.

i told edmen tt i reckon we'd fit right in if there was some linguistics anonymous group or something. for the real hardcore types, you know? hell yea. i'd type in ipa right now if i could, just to put my point across. if linguistics were a man, i'd marry him. actually... maybe not. if music were a man, i'd marry him. ok no i change my mind. i want food, music, linguistics, .. mm wat else? i duno but seriously, fuck the man, man (haha pun not intended. ok maybe it was haha.) bring on all the things tt won't let me dwn. yes yes yes. why am i feeling so decadent right now?

ok i think i need to answer the gurgling stomach. à toute à l'heure mes camarades locuteurs!!

i've discovered tonight tt surfing alma mater and other sch websites might just be more addictive than surfing fb. kx and i had a fun omglookwhoitis and wahcantbelieveshesstillthere and hahahestilllooksthesameman time less than an hr ago. i guess it's comforting and amusing to know tt some things never change in spite of the yrs.

ok i think the novelty of the m**.e**.sg sites has worn out. i will now log onto fb just cos i can. haha.

happy children's day. today's compo lesson went quite superbly and i'm very pleased. i reckon it was the sticker-award session just before tt tt did the trick.

today mummy bought ant poison. and so i spent a good half hour tonight sprawled on the floor by the door, straining my neck to watch the ants inadvertently committing slow suicide, lining up to grab the little grains of whoknowswat to lug back to their little cranny. i wasn't as concerned with their future as i was with the way they worked together to get the work done. i ran in and out of the parents' rm every 10 mins to report my findings. of course they laughed at wat a weirdo i am. i'm not sure how else i'd expect anyone to react to myself, anyway.

i wondered again if there were others like me... (who are also not entomologists) who enjoy watching insects and figuring out how they worked. i remembered buying a plastic ant farm thing in primary school. i tried to catch ants to put in but my fingers weren't deft enough to catch any without killing them. so i left the plastic container below my dressing table, on the rattan chest and one day found tt tiny ants had made themselves quite at home. they ahd entered through the breathing holes. i guess the farm was meant for bigger ants. i dont remember wat happened after tt but i guess mummy must've thrown the whole thing away.

oh well. i guess this will be another thing to put on my list of things to do when i'm retired.

can you tell i'm just procrastinating? bleah.

oh why won't you just fucking make the first move again?

...
You make me satisfied
You only want to ride
But that's alright by me
We happen to be free
And if we fall from grace
At least we had a taste
Of something more than this
Unresolved black abyss

I'm always looking for the sun
I'm always looking for the sun
I'm always looking for the sun
I'm only looking for the sun to shine

:: Falling From Grace - gentle waves

kkbccb fucking ie. stop fucking hanging.

3 is a terrible number. i like looking for patterns remember? and i conclude tt 3 is the harbinger of unpleasantness in my life.

i misplaced my hp today (and as of now, it's still missing. i refuse to say "lost"). i also absentmindedly left the hsekeys hanging on the front gate when i left this morning. the parents came home to find it there (thankfully) and no doubt they were pissed. but i guess i should stop being so merepek. things always turn out not so bad for me. i could well be lying in a ditch somewhere on no man's land, with a gaping hole in my neck.

the past couple of days ive been getting flashbacks. mostly of dreams tt i've had before. and suddenly the places i see in the dreams seem more familiar than before. i often wonder if shit like tt happens to everyone else. ok, maybe not everyone, but most pple? some pple? anyone?

:: Someday You Will Be Loved - deathcab for cutie

wat a bastardly song. wat a beautiful, bastardly song. well.. can't be beautiful if it doesn't hurt enough, right? some days i wish i wasn't so perverse.

i never imagined in my life tt i'd have mormon friends. i guess it's not like i had a real choice tonight. i kind of panicked when i saw the recognizable nametags and shirts with the ties and all. i was really thinking to myself omg wat have i just walked into. and then not long after i sat dwn, this woman next to me starts comparing our indecisiveness with the dishes to moses and "wat a logistical nightmare he must've faced with all his israelites *chuckle chuckle* ". honestly, i was more freaked out than amused, but thank goodness it all turned out to be a nice cordial dinner thing. they're actually quite sweet boys and surprisingly tolerable when they're not trying to convert anyone. do i sound like i'm totally making unfair assumptions? no comment.

anyways, the ramen soup was fucking awesome. and the afro boys were really easy to talk to. cute. haha. auntyj was saying how everything was "God's plan". despite the fact tt i thought she and her friend could have afforded to talk a little less bout God, i do agree with the whole idea of God's plan. but i also believe God plays by ear. so God, wat plans have you with regards to my dormant love life? ok then, how bout sex life? no? maybe? ya... ok, but like when, man? okok relax, i'm just asking only lah.. i mean... never mind.

fb tells me it's heather's bday today. i "kinda really" miss my ottawa times. i wish billy and i really had thought of jamming and busking together sooner. i want another soy maple latte moyen stp. argh second cup days. it was fun being tt francophonie asian chick no one could figure out. -hallo bonjour qu'est-ce que vous prenez? -are you from australia? -are you from quebec?
i miss the shopping at loeb and loblaws and trudging up tt slope with my excessive groceries. i miss cooking in the kitchen with heinz and sharing my meals with donis. sitting dwnstairs in the freezing cold trying to play heather's guitar and make up songs bout grapes (in english AND spanish! haha). oh those were good times.

(in my head):: The Scientist - natasha bedingfield
this is a damn power version. power terama!


this is a personal observation... but it seems like once you've one non-platonic romantic relationship, platonic romantic relationships seem to become obsolete. and i'm not just talking bout myself ok.

i feel like i've got an abcsess at the back of my sinuses. it feel terrible and i prob should sleep early. you know tt feeling when you're at the cusp of a throat infection? it feels just like tt but only its at the back of my nose.

i;ve been wondering lately what i'd feel if i found out i was infertile. i remember thinking some time ago, tt if i indeed turned out to be so, i'd probably be devastated. but i duno... seems like now i don't feel like i've got much hope anyway. tt once-frightening possibility of being stuck in this school forever and inadvertently growing old with its ageing doors and pillars is starting to seem quite real. i don't know if i wanna bother so much bout my future anymore.

i have tt feeling again- tt i might be dying from some sickness i don't know i have. i wonder if i should get myself checked. i wonder if i really wanna know.

was feeling out of sorts yesterday evening. i got even more perturbed when i boarded the train at 4 plus and it was hell lot fuller than i'd expected on a weekday evening at 4 plus.

wait, just something tt popped into my mind: if i start feeling like this on a regular basis and for long periods of time, then it wouldn't be called "out of sorts" anymore would it... cos it'd be kind of normal.

anyways, so point is i've been better.

did i tell you i met up with andrew for dinner the other day? the topic of dylan came up (i swear it wasn't me who started it) and he was saying how poetic it was.. the whole meeting at a backpackers hostel and all tt. ("like it was never meant to be in the first place... like it was all transient.") how typical of andrew to say things like tt. i guess it's true... the fact tt it is quite poetic. guess i was too emotionally-involved to think of clever things like tt (unsurprising..). anyways, i replied tt when pple stay at a hostel, "they usually tell you when tehy're checking out. and they usually pay in advance.. not take your money with them. AND when you give concession rates for longstayers you don't expect them to bail". but still, i really love talking to andrew cos he always has all these "insights" haha. tt make me feel enlightened. and at the end of our conversations, i never feel like i've wasted my time. (yes, sadly, there are pple who do make me feel like tt.)

did i tell you bestie's back? well she is and she stayed over last night. wheee!!!!!!

:: It Must Be Love - madness

:: Disco Lazy Time - nidji


Wake me up tonight, drive me to the town.
Sleep with me tonight, she's my lonely wine.

:: Petite Sœur - ben l'oncle soul



Comment te dire
Ca m’fait d’la peine
Je n’vais pas te mentir
Malgré l’ampleur du phénomène
J’ai pas le souvenir
De t’avoir vue zen
Tu les fais s’enfouir
Sans deviner ce qui les gêne

Ca reste entre nous
Vivre avec toi est un cauchemar
Ils t’ont laissée, ouais, c’est tous des connards
J’aimerais t’aider, j’aimerais te croire

Mais j’te connais par cœur
En long, en large, en travers, petite sœur
J’te connais par cœur, j’te connais par cœur, petite sœur

Même Cupidon a lâché l’affaire
Tu as comme un don pour les pousser à l’adultère
Non non, ça n’tourne pas rond, tes amours ont un air
D’incarcération
Quand tu t’y mets pour être clair

Ca reste entre nous
Te supporter est une victoire
Ils t’ont laissée
Tiens, prends donc un mouchoir
J’aimerais t’aider, j’aimerais te croire

Mais j’te connais par cœur
En long, en large, en travers, petite sœur
J’te connais par cœur, j’te connais par cœur, petite sœur

The night is here, the day is gone
and the world spins madly on.


it must be on the back of my head, i think. and tt's why they like to take me from behind. tell me lies, tell me sweet little lies. i'm not feeling so good right now. like, quite ill-fated. you know? mm ya, you just pretend lah; pretend you daaamn pandai gitu.

:: Soul Man - ben l'oncle soul


back is aching. legs are tired. maybe i'm just tired. overworking at the comp. meh. there's never enough time, is there?

me and sussie had a nice chat on sat and the counsellor was in a good mood tt morning too, so it made the waking up early not as bad.

met up with karol and the galah. and also regina. been wanting to meet jasmine and phyllis and the bcs and some other pple and some other person. but no time, no money and sometimes, no replies. need to jam desperately too. AHHHH.

till the next time i have more energy and time to write...

Mister Potato Fish

hahahahahaahahahaa.. fucking love this ad, man.

Fandi ahmad's sons to play for singapore? ---> READ MORE

long time no see man, tt fandi. i remember tt before daddy moved out, we used to watch soccer on tv during the malaysia cup. primary 1 or 2 or something? i recall standing in front of the tv and imitating the crowd shouting "referee kayu! referee kayu!" hah. i thought nazri nasir was the most handsome of the lot (lim tong hai came quite close but this was the time in my life when i was particularly attracted to the likes of lorenzo lamas and rick price... so lim tong hai's short hair put him out of tt league). zehzeh liked abbas saad. and then there was sundram moorthy (sp?) whom was later kicked out for bribery or something.. was there an abdul malik or something like tt? also had long hair if i remember correctly. such exciting times. so anyway, i really hope fandi comes back to help boost the morale of local footballers. it'd be really nice if he could advocate giving more opportunities for local players (as opposed to bringing in B-grade foreign talent). then again, he's probably already tried and met with negative responses. i understand if his kids choose not to be sporeans (and/or represent spore) only because of ns... it makes perfect sense; i know so many pple who've sustained longterm injuries while serving ns and i'm pretty sure tt's the kind of thing an aspiring footballer would want to avoid at all costs, especially while they're still at their peak. it's a pity the gahmen feels tt the only way to serve your country is to do ns right after you're done with school. why can't they wait for sportsman or musicians to be done with establishing their careers before calling them to come back and serve even if they might not be able to do the same thing as their compatriots cos they start ns so late, they could contribute by providing physical training workshops or enrichment workshops for the nsmen wat... i mean, look at the pple in saf's MDC. they also sing and dance their 2 yrs away wat. why not let musicians go and train till damn zai and then come back and do their 2 yrs as a mentor or trainer with mdc. is tt not called service too? and professional sportspple could do the same.. come back and train our nsboys in swimming etc. why wouldn't you want an army trained by our country's best?

i hope they wake up their idea before we lose more talent.

guess i've changed. i wonder sometimes. i wonder why i'm this way. i wonder if i'll change again. and again. and again.

when will i know wat i'm spposed to be? how will i know?

my eyes hurt and my nose feels like wat i imagine stamford canal feels like on a crazy june arvo.

:: AkuStatik - OAG

wah this song shiok. duno why i just thought of it today.

i have a lot to say and type but i have no time and no energy. will save it for another day i guess.


aku menanti mu.

FIGHT AIDS - Support Watoto Concert of Hope @ Esplanade

aiyoh- so cute!!

:: I Crush Everything - jonathan coulton

haha. i had just discovered some cool malaysian indie chick called yuna and sent shawn the link. he fell in love with her voice instantly. and so "in return, have a song about a self-loathing giant squid," he said.

why not, i think. it's fun talking to shawn. he thought my ELO song nickname was a basement jaxx song. he sent me tt and it was very nice too.

many new songs! what a fruitful mornite it has been.

:: These Streets - yuna

i initially had grand plans for tonight. some of which i did manage to cover- watch the noose, read today's and yesterday's papers, check my fb notifications, youtube new songs, chat a bit online to whoever, have a shower- and some which i didn't- play a long, fulfilling round of dropsum on fb, delete redundant emails from all my accounts, other random things which i cant recall now.

:: Lights Go Down - basement jaxx

the gazillion birthday wishes on fb came as a surprise to me. makes me feel really grateful to have this many pple who actauly give a hoot. then again, it could be tt they just happened to notice the "birthdays this week" on tt side column and happened to be free tt night. i think this way cos tt's usually the reason i wish other pple, on the rare occasions i do. or maybe i should give them all the benefit of the doubt since it's prob true tt not everyone's a lazy crazy bitch the way i am.

oh, you know... guess who's online tonight... and guess who's quite happy bout it? and guess who's thinking tt i'm the world's biggest fool? (im thinking only karin could answer these really accurately. hhaaha)

you know, the past 2 or 3 wks have squeezed me so much tt i havent even noticed the time whizzing by. i should stop fussing so much, shouldn't i? mm.

the song shawn is sending me is transferring at a painfully-slow rate... i think i'll check my sch email again. just cos i can.

:: All The Lovers - kylie minogue

i dreamt last night that some of those whom i blog-stalk took me aside and stabbed me. they rained blows on me and scratched at my skin with sharp things. i lay bleeding and helpless. then when i opened my eyes again and i had stopped bleeding, the wounds were half gone and i had mysteriously recovered. my assailants were surprisingly unsurprised tt i wasn't dead. in fact, they seemed to be filled with a newfound respect. later, i found myself lying beneath gimi (this is still in my weirdass dream, by the way) and in the midst our lovemaking he pulled away, looked at one of the remaining wounds on my leg and asked me if it still hurt. i don't recall wat i said but i mustve replied 'no' cos all i remember was his expressionless face before we continued.

wat a fucking weird nightmare- or watever it is. needless to say, i didn't sleep well. tonight won't be like tt. i musn't be cos it's my day already.

zeh zeh is leaving a week from now. i ahven't had time to think bout it or get sad bout her leaving. i'm afraid it'll only kick in when it's too late. it's gonna take some getting used to, no doubt, and i'm feeling a bit scared.

i didn't really want to be alone for dinner today. but it turned out tt way nevertheless. i wonder if i'll ever get used to this.

i'm so incredibly tired. i want tmr to be be better. and the day after tt to be even better, if at least a little. please.

:: Need You Now - lady antebellum

i heard this song before and liked it. just now pecks sent me the link randomly, so now i know who it's by. he was still in the office a half hr ago.. poorthing. feels like a night in currie. me mucking and moping in front of the screen and pecky also fighting sleep with a little help from youtube. i'm in one of those moods...think if i was any more tired than i am now, i'd be superfucking emo.

you know, my kids love justin bieber. in fact, they can't even spell "heard" correctly but they can get his full name right. i really wish they would also generalise the "starts with a capital letter" rule to all other proper nouns and starts of sentences, and not just limit it to Justin Drew Bieber. tt would help them in their english hmwk. REALLY.

talking to edward now. he's nice to talk to. monkey crap.

oh, random life.

:: Separate Ways - journey

today in the staffrm some pple were talking bout tt poor woman who jumped two nights ago after 8 mths of mourning her husband and someone said oh why she dont just find another husband, why must go and kill herself. nowadays so many people also divorce and marry again wat.

i felt tt was a terrible comparison <---- UNDERSTATEMENT OF THE YEAR!!!!

i pointed out tt at least most couples who divorce have some- even if sometimes limited - choice. this poor woman did not CHOOSE to have her husband die. what more die in such a horrible manner.

thankfully someone else in the room agreed with me. but then this person went on to say aiyah anyway dunno why so many pple divorce. if you want to get divorced then don't marry lah!

TSK. i guess sometimes pple just don't think very much before they speak. i try my best to give them the benefit of the doubt but really, it's so tiring explaining to pple all the time. even after i do, pple still tell me ya but i still think pple shouldnt get married if theyre gonna fight.

errrrrr................


on the brighter side...
:: Ca Fait Rire Les Oiseaux - La Compagnie Créole

watch out or she be kicking you in a balls!!! HAHA.

jam jam jam jam jam jam - yeah!!!

we're a bit out of form but we managed anyway and it was fun and we tried some new stuff at a new studio so yay!

next week: new term --> new, exciting happenings? dunno. guess so. hope so.

:: Drive - the cars


the other day at a sch function, the very opinionated counsellor was telling everyone at the table how highly she thought of me and how i should go and get a bf cos later got no time and it's such a waste ah and why don't i introduce a nice boy to you blablablah. "er... it's ok lah. no need.. i'll just consider myself married to the sch. in fact maybe i should become a nun.. then can leave late and come in early cos i'll have nowhere to go anyway. mm ya. ha. ha. ha." said i to which she replied insistently tt it was a waste and this kind of thing cannot joke- no time no time.

but i guess though most pple i meet like me for who they know me as, i'm not the easiest person to love, at least not for the longterm. so i'll just love my kids cos i know at least tt my love is going to make a difference to someone. it's not wasteful if no one else needs my love anyway, right? unless you know of a place where i can buy the life i envisioned for myself off the shelf without having to sell my soul. sometimes it bothers me to think about my own future; teaching gives me the chance to think bout someone else's instead.

:: The Hype - the hampdens

Am I not pretty enough?
Is my heart too broken?
Do I cry too much?
Am I too outspoken?
Don't I make you laugh?
Should I try it harder?
Why do you see right through me?

I live
I breathe
I let it rain on me
I sleep
I wake
I try hard not to break
I crave
I love
I've waited long enough
I try as hard as I can

Am I not pretty enough?
Is my heart too broken?
Do I cry too much?
Am I too outspoken?
Don't I make you laugh?
Should I try it harder?
Why do you see right through me?

I laugh
I feel
I make believe it's real
I fall
I freeze
I pray down on my knees
I hope
I stand,
I take it like a man
I try as hard as I can

Why do you see, why do you see, why do you see right through me?

:: Am I Not Pretty Enough - kasey chambers


feeling insecure again. why does this have to happen every month?! fuck. menstrual moods never did do me no favours {:o(

wah, just saw some posb-sponsored ad bout family. can really relate to tt...

i wonder wat mama is doing in london now. aunty g told us she had convinced her to go and stay with london aunty for a while, since her lease for the condo was ending soon anyway. aunty g smsed everyone to tell them and said something like "i think it would be a nice to give her a call to wish her all the best before she leaves". i didn't do tt of course. and i don't hink anyone in my hse did. sometimes i feel sorry for her, you know. but then she always has to do something to make me regret feeling sorry. and i don't like regretting.

speaking of ancestors and annoying relatives, i've just got back frm my sort of motherland early this morning. i wouldn't say i enjoyred the trip very much, but at the same time i didn't dislike it. the best part was the reaching there and the leaving. i think i just like to be at a different place sometimes. mm... wat else.. the dinner on the last night was quite nice. got to meet daddy's beijing cousins and one wife and one daughter. they were the nicest cina-nese pple we met on the WHOLE trip. on the way back frm dinner, zehzeh kept saying wat cute old pple they were and i said: tt's cos we havent seen them spit out of their car window yet; we prob won't think they're as cute after tt. and we all had a nice chuckle about it.

PROMISE I'LL BE KIND



Not sure what it means
But this photo of us
It don't have a price
Ready for those flashing lights

it suddenly dawned on me on the train home tt i already am tt crazy bag lady i talk about all the time. i lug a motherload of emotional baggage in my heart and all i'm doing about it is getting used to the weight. if i want to be allowed onto the elevator tt will bring me greater emotional heights, i'm gonna need to throw out some of the things that i'm done using. i'll prob still be crazy, but without all the unnecessary anxiety. corny as it sounds, i think this epiphany is going to liberate me. i pray it's not too late.

feeling pretty terrible right now. i thought i needed to be honest and tell him how insecure i was when he was away, and tt i was afraid he was gonna go off and never come back. it was really bothering me to the point where i couldn't think bout anything else anymore. so i told the truth because i felt he needed to know tt i am truly a stupid basketcase sometimes. i guess i'm not being very fair. i thought more than a year was enough to help me move on. and i did move on but somehow i've backtracked into a stupid rut of insecurity. how did we get here, amelia?

now ive had a cry about it, i'm thinking ok great maybe i can now concentrate a bit more and think straight. but i fucked up already. terribly. and sorrys are not gonna be able to undo jackshit. i'm sorry, gimi. i love you like more than a good friend and it's not fair of me to expect more from you than you're ready to give. and i need to let go of these things tt are dragging me down. {:o(

i have problems trusting pple nowadays even when i want to. maybe i think too much. eternal sunshine of the spotless mind.

:: No More I Love Yous - annie lennox

one week to concert and my throat is beginning to act up even more. over the past week, i've mysteriously sustained numerous physical hurts: multiple scratches on my forearms, a bruise on my upper arms, scratches on my shin. and then yesterday, i bumped my knee against a seat on the bus, and now i have a bruise right on top of the three burn lines i got from my last ipl couple weeks back. in class yesterday, i noticed two small indentations on my knuckle. was trying to figure out where they came from then i realised they were toothmarks. i had been subconsciously biting myself just 2 mins before i noticed the marks. almost seems as if my body is bent on discreetly trying to kill myself. i went to see the doctor again today. nabei fuck of all days to do it, a public holiday. but i had to; i finished the anti-inflammatory i got from last wk's dr and my throat seems to be getting worse and my chest felt tight this morning. so anyways, this new dr i saw today was really annoying. first thing she did was shove her icecream stick right to the back of my throat. of course i tensed up... you don't need to actually prod my tonsils to see them, right?? then she did it several times until i gagged on her. can i help it i'm not linda lovelace? a left with- among other things- a box of 5 antibiotic tablets which cost a whopping 45$. insane. it'd better cure me for life, man. on the way out i bumped my knee again. it then occured to me how much of a liability i am to myself and others. i was perusing the indications leaflet in the antibiotic box just now and dsicovered tt such broad-spectrum antibiotics have been "shown to cause lesions in the cartilage of the weight bearing joints of immature animals". could it be tt my joint probs a result of having taken a silly amount of antibios my whole life? how fucking unfortunate. sometimes i'm not so sure it's better to be alive. last night, while sitting on my bed ruminating, i thought bout how strongly my emotions manifest themselves as physical afflictions on my already ailing body. why am i such an emotional basket case? i'm always in some kind of emotional pickle... you'd think i'd have learnt to steer clear of relationships by now but oh well. i've even recently scaled to an even higher peak of emotional neediness. well done, amelia. well done.

:: Wait It Out - imogen heap

Pain on pain on play repeating
with the backup, makeshift life in waiting

Everybody says time heals everything
but what of the wretched hollow?
the endless in between?
Are we just going to wait it out?

oh ya, i lost my watson's card. {:o(

:: the sounds of journey (i think) coming from either the block opposite or from my block and bouncing off the oppsite block.


tt's the thing bout living in hdb- my living room window faces tt other block but i can still hear the music when i'm in the kitchen. in fact, i had actually thought the music was coming frmm ze parents' room. not tt i'm complaining. i love it, in fact.

i've just come back from a mini excursion:
went to the clinic nearby at 1230 and the unfriendly staff registered me and then told me i had to come back after 2. so i took the bus out to the 24-hr clinic to see if i had better luck there. i had never stopped at tt bus stop before so it was quite an adventure, strolling past the heartland shops. so many sights and sounds to take in. so anyway, i was third in line and my consultation took less than 5 mins. ventured to the nearby coffeeshop which i had never eaten from even though i've stayed in the area for the past 10 years. i'm always nervous when it comes to eating at an unfamiliar coffeeshop because i know i have a low threshold for lousy local food. lousy angmoh food, maybe i can tahan. but low standard char kway teow or nasi goreng? intolerable. anyway, i decided to try the "famous pontian wanton mee" and thank goodness it was quite yum. the sauce tasted like 1part black sauce, 1 part melted lard, and the wanton had a kiam he taste. the tastiness totally made up for the lean charsiew. i'm going back there again one day.
then past some pet shops, bought some very heartland looking cakes from one of the dozen bakeries.. (i'm thinking it must be really competitive here). was looking for my bus stop when i spotted YES!supermarket so i went in to see wat rubbish i could buy. i was quite amused by the haphazardness of this mega mini-mart. in the chilled section, there were 500ml bottled drinks (coke, Htwo0, green tea etc). right below tt, cans of beer and more soft drinks. and right below tt, bags of chestnuts, onions and bunches of garlic flower stems. tried to look for anti-perspirant spray but couldn't find tt. but what i did find were big bottles of johnson&johnson's nomoretears shampoo. wah used to use tt when i was young. so i stood there opening every bottle to have a whiff of my childhood. as i lined up to pay for my pear and mixed berry juice, i spotted the anti-perspirant section- right under the checkout counter. haha. i love my heartlands. on the way to the big bus stop, i made two more stops - at sundry shop to buy myself a 6$ auntyaunty batik nightgown and at the CC to check out wat courses they had.

i can't begin to explain how excited i get just walking round heartland areas. makes me so happy. haha. i love the diversity and how things are tacky but unpretentious. i looked at the posters on the cc bulletin boards and felt the overwhelming urge to be part of everything. i wish there was more time in the world.

i'm gonna be late for 420 mass if i dont leave now. think i'll just go for 530 one and meet daddy later. dont think i'll hang out with hot date cos he has an aversion to sick pple. guess it's all for the better. i have to learn not to invest all my emotions in one person.

sometimes i think i'm becoming more and more mentally unstable. the day wasn't going too good, and then gimi msged and said asked to meet on wed instead of today. tt made me even more upset. upset in a familiar, depressive kind of way. i'm hoping tt it's just pms and not pregnancy. cos i missed my period and i've been feeeling kind of pregnant. yes, there is a feeling to it. i googled "pregnancy signs and symptoms" and some of the it matched wat i had.. heartburn, weighgain, fatigue, constipation, just "feeling pregnant"... and then right under each of the symptoms were the other possible causes of these things. and of course, every one of them had "premenstrual syndrome". tt REALLY helps, doesn't it? back to sq one; i'm either pregnant or having pms.

so anyway, back to my story.. jasmine and phylliss left ahead of me and daddy hadnt responded to my sms bout dinner so i walked round jurong pt listlessly. spent almost an hour mins in a korean sticker/stationery shop smaller than my bedroom, before settling on a 10$ pack of 6 small sheets of random indie-looking motifs. I had the incredible urge to indulge; my rationale is tt my moodiness warrants this aimless offering of expensive and unnecessary gifts to myself. tt was when i suddenly felt like one of those pple on oprah, plagued with bouts of irrationality. the dreadful day at school- my acting up and the painful classrm boredom - left me sinking into a pool of emo. i suddenly felt insecure again bout my non-relationship; i havent felt tt way the past couple of days so i thought i was clear already. apparently not. i keep having this awful nagging thought of him not meeting me today cos he's trying to avoid me so tt when he does decide this is over, it wont be so painful for me. because he is indeed very kind, this boy. and then i feel bad for thinking so negatively and not having enough faith in things. but pple always say they won't hurt and then they do so it's not easy to believe things last. i was annoyed at myself for being so insecure cos i get very annoyed with pple who let their insecurities get in the way of their functioning noramlly so; it's a form of egocentrism tt's such a turn off, really. anyhoo, as i walked aimlessly around the mall- spending another 46$ on a facemask, 100 capsules of primrose oil, a japanese vegetarian weiner, a box of cold jap sandwiches and 4 sachets of various bean/oat based powder drinks- i ruminated. i realised tt my emotons were just like a big fucking dick. yes- A BIG FUCKING DICK. when i become emo, my senses rush to the emo centre (heart? i duno, really..) and i can no longer think of anything else except my emotions. see? just like a man and his dickens.

i sat at a bench in the new interchange and devoured my sandwich. as i exited the mall, moved along by the throngs of shoppers and non-shoppers, i took out my earphones and realised how noisy it really was inside my head. i realised tt i had been thinking from the moment i got gimi's msg. not tt it was the only cause of my mood today but i guess i would consider it a catalyst.

daddy downstairs waiting for me to have dinner. laters.

Heart - Crazy On You (live 1976)

wow, just found out tt quick quick danger is local. coolness. how refreshing. keep it up, kiddos. {:o)

it's so nice when things start going surprisingly well, when pleasant things happen in my life. but it's also so fucking scary; cos compared to the start of last yr, i've got so much more to lose, and i just really don't like losing things. but then there's no way out of this paradox right? i'm just driving myself crazy. nothing new. when i wake up tmr, these tears will be gone cos now tt im feeling so bad, things will only get better, yes?

sometimes i think maybe i'm not made to be loved in tt way. i admit i can be so insufferable at times. maybe i should resign myself to my lonely fate.

TSK. are you listening to yourself, amelia? boo hoo.

why do i have to be so ambivalent? why? why???

sometimes i feel insecure. this is one of those times. it's not a nice feeling and i wish it would go away. i keep thinking you're gonna leave me. is this even rational? i mean, since we're not even really together... but it bugs me. i'll prob tell you soon, cos i think it'll just eat me inside out if i don't. i'm guessing you're waiting for me to go crazy bitch on you, to see if you still wanna be with me as much after tt. which is a very pragmatic way to approach things and i'd be doing tt if i were in your position. but i'm me, and life gets quite dark when you know tt your destiny with someone is perched precariously on the pinhead tt is your volatile temperament. (i don't know though... i'm just speculating. but even then..)


---

have i ever mentioned tt daddy sounds like andy gibb when he sings? well, ok, i'll say it now then: daddy sounds like andy gibb when he sings.

Sean Kingston - Fire Burning (Cover by Quick Quick Danger)

:: Soul Sister - train

i want this affinity to never end. is tt asking too much? sometimes i think bout the things i've consciously wanted for my life and how much of tt i've actually got and i feel like telling myself: it's ok, there's still time. i guess tt's true, but at the same time, it isn't. i wanted to get married by 25, so i could have time to revel in married life and work here and there, then have kids not too late.. before 30. then stop work and be a hsewife and do the things i like, otot. but now i have to deal with the fact tt it's not gonna happen quite like tt. i am not obssessive; the very fact tt i'm resigned to "dealing with it" says tt i'm not gonna force myself to rush into anything just so i can fulfil my ambitions. yet occasionally, when it dawns upon me tt i have have only one life to live (every time it dawns upon me, i feel dismayed, as if i'm knowing it for the first time. this is because i am forgetful and usually forget things i already know.). so it is true tt life passes you by real quick. when i was 15 or 16, i thought pple were just trying to be patronising when they told me tp appreciate my youth. at tt age, you feel like you've got so much time- oh i didn't get do this or tt... nehmind lah, can do next time. next time next time. if i say i felt like tt now, i'd be fooling myself. so... wat's the point of this? nothing, i guess. well done, amelia... you rant about having not enough time yet you sit here moping bout it, knowing full well tt facing a screen almost always makes real time move forward 6000times quicker.

blablablah.

---
alors... où va-t-on? je voudrais savoir ce dont tu pensais. parce que moi, j'ose pas d'y penser. ce sont trop pénibles, les possibilités. mais non, non, pas de pression.. je ne que me demandais.

---
daddy always complains tt he has chest pains, difficulty breathing blablah. ask him to see dr, he goes ya ya i should. but we both know he'll never make time to go. i have meetings to attend. i'm expecting a call from someone in the office in india/the us/hk. even though i know i pull this same nonsense all the time (i.e. making excuses to avoid things i know i should do asap, while complaining tt probs don't get solved), it frustrates me when daddy does it. cos sometimes i think he's gonna just die in front of me. or worst still, die when i'm not anywhere near him. basically i'm afraid he'll die and i don't think i could take yet another person i love leaving me. i know, i'm so selfish.

---
terence and i finally satisfied our marmalade cravings. crab caesar - fucking yum. raspberry-honeydew-rockmelon juice - bloody good.

And for you I keep my legs apart
And forget about my tainted heart
And I will never ever be the first to say it
But still I, yes you know, I..I..I..
I would do it
Push the button
Pull the trigger
Climb a mountain
Jump off a cliff
Cause you know baby I love you love you
A little bit

If you would do it
If you would say it
If you would mean it
That we could do it
If it was you and I, not only I
Ha, hmm

I think I'm a little bit,
A little bit
A little bit in love with you
But only if you're a little bit
Little bit
Little bit
In lalalala love with me


:: Little Bit - lykke li

happy-la-la. hahaha.... i love you karin. you're so rubbish, just like me.


i wish i'd stop procrastinating cos i know i'm so gonna regret this.

i'm very caught up in this whole gg out thing. i wonder if this will turn into an unhealthy obsession. for some reason, i find it especially hard every time to find a good balance. adaptive dissonance.


i brought daddy and zehzeh and sean to have nepalese food today and then to enjoy the cool night views afforded us by tekka mkt hdb bubble lifts. fucking fantastic. it's really funny how i feel so much more comfortable and less apprehensive in little india than i do in chinatown. esp since my face like damn cina one-kind. sean said i look like some crazy china woman, traipsing down race course rd, weaving in and out of clusters of loiterers, my carelessly-kiap'd hair and my excessive number of bags bouncing up and down in tandem with my garang gait. and my false look of purposefulness. i can't help it, really. well it's not tt i want to. hah.

then we tried out the new circle line. (how is it pple say this place is boring when i can find so many things to be excited bout every day? see, terence? i told you i was resourceful... extremely ludicrously so.) zehzeh and sean alighted at paya lebar and daddy and i took the train to the end. we got out at marymount to recce a bit and to orientate ourselves. then on the way back in, we bitched bout the silly shiny floors and how these were so impractical (i really hate shiny floors in public places cos when wet, it's just a disaster waiting to happen. and with my kind of luck, i'm always the one to be slipping and sliding all ovr the place). in the train home, we stood at the front of the first car so we could admire the brilliantly-dark tunnels. in between, we tried to make sense of the pictoral instructions for emergency evacuation, which were pasted nxt to the viewing window. not clear at all... very ineffective, we concluded. i hope to goodness tt i'll never have to use this emergency exit, otherwise sure habis sia.

ok enough for now. gots to go and shower and get some sleep. i'm getting to be pretty sloppy. not good not good.

:: Turn On Billie - the pierces

i have this theory bout relationships tt i haven't really told many pple..

if your other half hurts you, or dumps you or something awful like tt, you'll end up inadvertently doing tt same thing to the next person you get into a relationship with. it's kind of like paying it forward but it's only the negative things tt get passed on.

i suspect this theory is only applicable to me. i don't want to hurt anyone the way i got hurt though. and anyway, i don't think i could find it in me to be half as cowardly as to dump anyone on fb either.

i'm not sure wat my point is. i guess it's tt i'm afraid of getting into anything. but there are things tt i do want but then i don't want to rush but then i feel like time is running out but then maybe the life tt i want isn't meant for me----- COGNITIVE DISSONANCE!!!!!

there are soo many things i wanna do.. which wouldn't be a problem if i had infinite amount of time as a young, lucid, fertile person. i'm so glad i didn't succumb to my adolescent suicidal tendencies cos tt would've just cut my time short by a nympholot, wouldn't it.

watching vids on tv5monde now. need to improve my french quite badly... vocab is kind of wonky now. ok, i'm gonna try to listen to one french vid a day.

i really need to start reading the papers.. and all the things i said i was gonna read this morning. laters. oh wait, before i go.. i know i haven't been writing lately. i'm so engrossed and busy with other stuff. but i think i've got to find time to so my little intrapersonal blablah cos when everyone goes, all i've got is myself. what am i blabbering bout? okok laters.

it's good friday today, so i've decided to abstain from gimi. we havent seen each other since last sat so this is a bit trying but i have to make up for not being a good girl the whole of lent so there. i'm trying not to indulge in food tt i like too. zehzeh says tt i should sacrifice going online but i reckon this will be asking too much of me. yes, maybe next yr. haha.

so i woke up at 11 plus and read the papers and watched tv. two things i havent done in quite a while for more than 15 consecutive mins. mostly cos for the past 3 weeks, i've been caught up with my course and hanging out with gimi and being restless in general. today is my self-imposed reading day. i'm attempting to get through a couple of days worth of ST papers, and a whole bunch of backdated magazines- 3 issues of I-S, french cosmopolitan, and aussie cleo- all of which i've amassed over the past month.

i'm starving right now.. only allowed myself two slices of two plain squished bread (tt i packed for brekky yesterday but didnt eat cos i ended up having yakun frm boonlay) spread with a moderate amount of butter and cinnamon sugar. tt was brunch. then for tea, i had four cherry tomatoes. ok i think i'm just gonna go find more food to eat right now. it's getting unbearable. (i think tt is actually the whole idea behind abstenance but i think not seeing gimi is enough punishment so i will mosey to the fridge right now and you will not stop me!)

:: The Only Exception - paramore

you know, this is the closest i've come to something hopeful. but just remembering the intoxicating high i revelled in before i plummeted all the way down is enough to deter me. cos when you're so high up, the only way is down, innit? i think if i was just a bit crazier than i am, i'd prob be one of those pple who'd, when they've found their true love, would kill them and then commit suicide. just to keep it pure, if you know what i mean.

:: You've Got The Love - florence and the machine

i think we need to jam pretty soon.

starting my course in less than 2 weeks and i duno how i feel bout it. meeting new pple is good... i guess? sometimes i feel like i should stop meeting new pple. since i'm already having trouble finding the time to keep up with the gazillion friends i already have (not a sarcastic statement). but then it's not like i can help meeting pple. i'm like an accidental social whore. i wonder if it's cos pple are drawn to me or if it's that i'm unconsciously compelled to impinge on everyone's life in tt annoying way i do. could be both, could be neither. back to the point bout meeting pple - and i think i've mentioned this before- i think i've met such a ridiculous number of pple in my various mini-lifestages tt any new person i meet inevitably reminds me of someone ive met before. what do i make of this? yet to figure tt out.


so... anyhoo, i've decided since some time last yr tt i'd only feel really safe being with someone (if i had to be with them longterm) who loved me for my grouchiest face. you know tt corny line "Always remember to be happy because you never know who's falling in love with your smile."? it sounds nice and purty but really, wat's the point? the thing is, i have a lovely smile (or so i've been told) and i know pple like my smile- not cos i'm egotistic but cos i've been told waaay too often.. by taxi drivers, colleagues, my kids, random old pple blablah. see? everyone likes my smile. if someone only falls in love with your smile, where they gonna be when you're bawling your eyes out? so there- i'll only ever be convinced of true love if he (hypothetical he) can look at my sullen slut of a face and without even trying, love me (emotional baggage, crazy outbursts and wat have you). now that's wat i call true love. ready to find the love of your life? put on your blackest face, bitches!

:: Hide and Seek - imogen heap

"Indulge in a bit of education today. It may flow two ways - as you learn from others, you are almost certain to teach them a thing or two about living life happily."


haha. 'indulge in a bit of education today'. i couldnt help but laugh to myself when i read tt in ST horoscope section today. i'm fucking inundated by education, man. but watever. i hope i did teach my kids a thing or two bout living life happily. tt would be fantastic. of course, it'd be a bonus too if wat they learnt from me included the skills they need to figure out the prob sums they'll be tested on next week... but i guess there's only so much i can do.

so anyway, i found some two hrs just now to sit dwn and read the backlog of STs. only managed today and yesterday's but i guess tt's good enough for now.

sometimes i wish we had more time. my curious mind could do with lots more hrs. but then again, my procrastinating bum of a brain would probably find brilliant ways to squander the extra time and then leave an hr for me to whine tt i dont have enough time. so i guess my wish for more time is in fact quite redundant.

cheam's got a gig tmr but i cant go cos i'll be busy playing games chez my museum partner.

i need to brush up on my french. mummy's friend mentioned taking conversationals or enrichment or something at the AF. i've actually thought bout it before but we'll see. i have a feeling this is one of those things i'll end up pushing to one side. for now i'll just settle for reading french books and occasionally keeping up with my french.about.com subscriptions. while we're on the topic of thigns tt i ought to be giving more attention to.. i really should start inquiring bout my driving thing. but, you know, i have this terrible feeling tt as soon as i learn how to drive, i'm gonna fuck up. i'm too scared to even say wat i imagine "fucking up" might mean.

okok choy choy choy. don't talk this kind of thing already. i just found out this evening tt this yr is spposed to be a good yr for oxen. tt made me pretty excited inside. no prizes for guessing wat im hoping for this yr. sorry lah, gatal can not? tsk.

i'll regret this procrastination when the mornite is over. but i need a little reprieve right now. i wonder if i'll pay dearly for hoping this hard on this my mental case.

i'm surfing and imbibing live lounge covers. awesome, some of them.

i'm so tired. i got abused again today and i was really desperate for someone to have dinner with. in the end it was just a charbroiled chicken club and me. reminds me of my solitary burger king times. maybe only the burger is bigger now. oh i do miss my burger king times.

:: I Walk the Line (johnny cash cover) - erik hassle

i don't look a thing like she does. but i talk like a gentle soul, more than you'll ever know. oh hazelnut.

34th post since the 666th post.

i am upset today. this overwelming feeling of hopelessness was triggered by a student maliciously hitting me on the lower back earlier this evening.

i don't know why it made me so upset. i feel inexplicably hurt and i've been holding back the tears but the pain is welling up inside.

i'm frustrated with amount of non-teaching-related work tt has been dumped on me since sch started. i'll admit it's relatively not that much but seriously, why cant you write your own bloody article? i don't welcome this at all.

i have this nagging feeling tt i might have a brain tumour and will die soon. i also think tt i'm a hypochondriac. what luck.

today seems like a good day to burn a bridge or two... i try to be not like tt, but some pple really suck.