Thursday, December 31, 2009

this is prob the last post of the yr. i'm kind of wishing i had a nice collection of pics i could post up to summarise the yr. but considering the time limit time limit (31 mins till the yr is out) and the fact tt i have more than a thousand pics to choose frm (understatement of the yr), we'll leave it then. anyways, kind of cheesy and cliché isn't it, doing all tt.

but wat to do, i guess it's very human to want to organise things the way we do.. so here're some of my thoughts (in random order):

one of the worst years for my throat.

i liked celta, i think it was a great learning experience for me.

jamming kept me happy for this yr, but will it for the next? i do hope so.

i tried to be nicer to daddy.

i'm quite bothered tt i'm stuck at home this new years eve because i really wanted to be at the gig tonight and to stay over at the suite they booked and perhaps have a little informal inter-band bonding maybe? haha only karin knows what i'm thinking.

anyway, i hope next yr will be less falling sick. prob will be less since i'm in the pe dptmt and will be obliged to help out in the TAF club hahah bloody hell. i'll also be helping kids with big exams and shit so i don't wanna stress them by being frequently absent.

i want to grow musically next yr- have the will power to read and understand at least half of my piano handbook. i'm glad to finally be back singing choral music because i miss the sound of it so much. and i'm happy to be in a band and i hope we don't lose the drive and i hope the precarious dynamics improve next yr. i've sung how many- 5 gigs this yr? or 5 since i got back? i duno. maybe 4, or maybe more. my fav was the arts hse one cos i think tt went sooo well. more collaborating and gigging next yr, please!

i applaud myself for my resilience, and i am thankful for this year of healing.
maybe a new love next yr? a new love to stay and grow old with me. i met all my previous bfs in jan. this jan, we'll see.

i'm thankful for the work i've done and for all those who have encouraged me and continue to do so. a year ago, i never thought i'd be in this position (see: being a gahmen slave and not really minding it because i really enjoy my work)

catching up with old friends after being away for so long. making lots of new friends (celta, les signorets, music-related, vox, sch/work, among others.)

settling back into life here- social, family, work, watever- after being away for so long. this wasn't easy at all. but i guess it all fell into place. isn't perfect at the moment but nothing is anyway.

i hope to go to london in june to visit karin. tt's my top priority holiday. note to self: SAVE SAVE SAVE!!!!

i like tt im working now and making my own money. it's not much but i'm trying. hope i get a nice performance bonus before i had off for training. tt'd be really sweet.

i'm really happy tt im happy where i am. this is such an improvement from the beginning of the yr, when everything was just falling apart (failed plans for new caledonia teaching assistantship, ambivalence bout returning to perth for convo, having to come to terms with being the only single person in the hse blablah)

i finally did some things i've been procrastinating bout (is "about" really the right preposition? wat should it be, really? "over"??) sending karin something among them. haha.

this yr ive taught so much and ive learnt even more. i've learnt tt i love teaching. i'm so grateful for anne and her family for being the first ones to provide me with the opportunity to develop my teaching skills and for being so encouraging and inspiring. i want to visit them next yr in paris if there's time when i'm in london.

oh shit it's new yr now. 00:00. 010, why did you come so soon?

ok, so THIS yr, i'll be meeting lots of new pple too. new students, new classmates (at my course, which i have yet to bitch bout). may they all be - i won't say "nice" cos tts just being unrealistic- endearing.

my zehzeh is moving to nz in march. it'll be anotehr yr of changes for me. i guess it's good cos it keeps me from getting jaded, and having interest in life is really important for me. i'm dreading her leaving and i'm half excited too. excited for her, and excited for me (cos i'll be having my own room). i'll miss my zehzeh. {:o(

this yr, i HAVE TO learn to drive. cos zehzeh will be leaving and i guess i should stop procrastinating already. i feel reallybad not being able to help with the errands.

this yr sch will be exciting cos i'll have new (and hopefully more well-defined) duties and i'll apparently be doing wat i'm actually trained to do (helping foreign kids with eng). tt'll be a fun test for me. hopefully, on top of sch and training and choir and band, i'll still be able to fit in some tuition time. i'm anticipating having to make some tough calls here.

i wonder how the countdown at blujaz is going. and i wonder if lidong is there and i wonder if dylan is there. was actually looking forward to saying hi to lidong. and giving dylan the stab in the head he deserves.

spiritually, i think i'd like to remain where i am, without layman commitments and with an open mind.

lots of movement where love is concerned: some marriages, some get-togethers, some breakups, babies, blablah. none to do with my own lovelife. but i guess it's good cos being occupied with other pples' lovelife keeps me frm brooding too much bout my own.

i also had lots of me time, thanks to my flexible tuition job. walking round, exploring spore. i wish more pple could have the time and the interest to do tt.

other unique experiences: ipl, sch camp, etc.

ive been typing for almost an hr now and i'm not done. okok.. ending pretty soon ok. feeling feverish so need to sleep like in 10 mins.

i saw and heard and felt and did so much last yr. and i think i actually do as much every yr. wat a fulfilling life i have. i'm so grateful to God for this my fulfilling life and more importantly, for my simple mind tt allows me embrace sundries tt come my way. it'd be really nice if i had someone to share this all with. {:o)

the flu is getting to me. mornite. and happy, healthy new yr <3

Tuesday, December 22, 2009

was feeling pretty emo the whole evening. cant remember wat was going through my head, just remember feeling pretty out of it.

oh ok i recall a bit of it now.. family was discussing wat to get me for xmas and i said i needed nothing but then i thought bout it and i concluded to myself tt wat i really yearned for was a love life so i wouldn't feel so fucking bored. ok, it's not so i wont feel bored, really.. i guess i just appreciate tt kind of company. i wonder if i'll ever meet someone who'll fall in love with me when i'm at my worst. often pple a drawn to my manic aspect and then they kind of fail to realise tt the only way i can get so high is by falling really low.

this on the side: it frustrates me when men don't assert themselves when they're with me. then i feel subconsciously compelled to treat them like the pushovers they allow themselves to be. i find it almost impossible to translate such subservience (the giving in to me and apologising for lame insignificant things and all tt) as a sign of love/affection/watever. maybe it's their way of expressing it, but seriously, it's a real turn off. AND, i dont understand pple who try to make me less upset/tired/annoyed by saying: "don't be upset/tired/annoyed." how's tt even a solution or a consolation or a distraction?? in fact, it just reminds me of how upset/tired/annoyed i am and how insensitive you are to my plight and how crap you are at grasping the notion of emotions. what makes you think tt you can alleviate my plight by simply dictating how your wish of seeing me less upset/tired/annoyed? it works quite the opposite way, in fact. GAH! PET PEEEEEVE.

Thursday, December 03, 2009



in unrelated news: i have a taxi habit.