it feels like i didn't even leave here; like took a long nap and then woke to go to serangoon for michelle's 21st. and guess what she told me - you know, it feels like i never left singapore!

hell, it's like we did a rip van winkle and woke up to find tt the only difference was we were about (AUD8000 + misc.expenses) poorer.


next stop, faux pas at simpang. i couldn't help it, there was an unidentified bug tt resembled a cockroach clinging on to my collar. how could i not scream FUCK? how, mother? tell me- how?!

mummy's cooking
casuarina prata
simpang prata bom & teh cino
ichiban
... donc, five down and bout 40 to go.

i've planned my timetable for next semester already. bought one of my french lit books already... +(1 x french cosmo)+(1 x us cosmo)+(1 x french children's book on philo) = things i don't really need but bought cos it was the last day of the kino 20% off sale. oh well. anyway, i think it makes sense tt i learn to read a children's book and fashion and sex tips in french before endeavouring to swallow untranslated albert camus and annie ernaux.

been watching the world cup and kind of rooting for the socceroos. i suspect i've become something of an aussiephile haha(erm, or whatever you call it). first it was aussie music (no, NOT waltzing mathilda, advance aussie fair or anything by olivia newton john). guess i can't help it. perth is pretty nice, save for the smelly drunks and expensive food and what not.
oh oh i forgot to tell you tt i had mole (MOH-LAY) ice cream. not bad, just a bit too spicy for me.

got to hold a big baby taylor today at godma's hse and i liked it so much i want one for my birthday. hah. but mumsy says i only get to bring her crappy bulky regular-sized geeeeetah. blurgh.

karin, it feels like i never went anyway, right?

tmr i get to try lidong's new bed. later today, i mean. as soon as i'm done amusing myself with spore idol vids on youtube and get to sleep in time to wake up in time to go to lidong's hse just in time to chope the bed.

ok, cheers matey.

1.6 degrees!

crazy ass weather. ppft. nak mampos, my backside is turning into an icicle already. but anyway, i'm much happier now than i've been in the past 2 weeks; two down and one more to go! woooh. prata bom, here i come! still haven't decided what to do for the 21st.

what if i get so used to being alone tt when i go back, i don't want to be with anyone. would pple leave me alone then? is it the distance?

it seems tt i'm becoming incredibly selfish. i let myself up to these moods but don't bother to put up signs to warn pple.

bf says i should live on a mountain instead, so tt no one would ever call me and i'd never have to get irritated.

do they have mountains in hell?

i need to stop being so self-indulgent.

:: Not Pretty Enough - kasey chambers

daddy was driving someone else's car - from cck cemetery cos we had just gone to visit granny - and i was sitting in the front seat. we cruised along some ulu highway with no buildings or any other cars nearby, so tt all tt was before me was dashboard, road, sky sky sky and more sky. i stared at the clouds and watched as the sun painted the sky pink, orange, purple, red. then this song came on. i wonder if everyone so readily associates pensiveness with melancholy with sadness the way i do. i sat entranced by the boundless beauty of billowy softness and wondered if heaven was just like tt. when i was a lot younger, someone told me tt 'heaven is a wonderful place, filled with glory and grace' and tt in heaven, we could all be young again and could do our favourite things for ever and ever and ever.

would tt mean tt if i made it, i'd be allowed to stare at clouds for ever? but would the view from up there be different? and if everyone became young again, how would i recognise granny? and nanny? and how young would i be? young like i was when i missed out on happiness? one time, i thought heaven was a field of flowers. what flowers then? sunflowers? i tried planting those once. but then we went out of the country for a while. then they died.

i've been having nightmares again. i hate it tt i remember the little details and the feeling sticks when i wake up. they seem so real. but it could be worse- they could be real.

why do we like some pple more than we like others?

why do i feel inclined to shout at some pple on the phone and not others. i hate it when pple call me when i'm in the midst of doing something. i guess they wouldn't know when to call otherwise since they don't keep tabs on me 24-7. but i don't think this is the problem. the problem, rather, is tt i feel hopelessly inclined to scream at only certain pple who call me during those pissable times. this implicit preference worries me.

God's funny.




either He's saying i can't have it or He's trying to make me more determined. i guess for now the former seems a less problematic conclusion. i wish it was funny in a haha way. God may be funny but he's funnier still. All you need is something to take to make the numb feel like pain again. my only weakness would be entertaining these feelings; but isn't it true tt life without pain is totally pedestrian?

oh god.. i'm such a sucker. turn it off, turn the music off. oh foolish heart who's all a'flutter. should i have you know by now? Sshh...

:: So Young It Hurts - the hampdens

:: Beautiful to Me - little birdy

the axl version of sophie zelmani. oh yes, you are beautiful to me.

why do i feel the way i do the way i do the way i do?
is what's holding you back what's holding me back?

i would like some time to read a book, please.

revelation of the semester: rafie is the lecturer's son.