Saturday, November 24, 2007

:: Answer - sarah mclachlan

it's a crazy -12 outside right now. this mornite we watched Das Leben der Anderen and Babel. i thought the latter was a little draggy. now my eyes are tired and contacts are stuck to my eyeballs. have a rezlife choir xmas show at rideau ctr tmr. i don't feel like going for it.

i feel like my life could be better than it feels right now. i feel like i need a guy right now. i guess it's cos i'm ovulating. but wouldn't it be nice? to have someone to warm my bed, to talk about excitedly, to listen to my ranting, to run their fingers up and down my just-waxed legs, to tell me what to do sometimes when i feel like being dominated or don't feel like making decisions.

my favourite people at work are lucien and florence. avec eux, je suis a l'aise. florence est ma mignonne poulette et lucien, il sais me faire rigoler. j'espere que ce soir se passera bien avec eux. on devrait sortir a danser et relaxer.

i hope i can find someone to go to ny with me. and then i hope i have enough money left to visit jenn in montreal.

:: If You Don't Mean It - dean geyer

wed-thurs mornite, after sitting in the common room gawking at the falling snow, listening to Feist and getting emo while heather and davin studied, we all went downstairs to play in the snow. had a snowball fight and made snow angels. entrancing.

i should sleep if i wanna sing for the xmas show tmr. i should sleep if i wanna do anything actually.

:: Kind and Generous - natalie merchant

Thursday, November 22, 2007

Wednesday, November 21, 2007

just talking to shana bout the snow i saw last night and how lovely it looked coming down frm the sky and suddenly i remembered wat it looked like. like one of those old MS screensavers with the black sky and the stars coming at you. it was like that when i looked into the sky last night, only in slow motion.

i wish tonight would be as pretty.

i came back from work at 1am to find another condom wrapped tightly round my doorknob. extremely unfunny since i'm never in a good mood just after work. and then i go to the kitchen and i'm really hungry and i realise matt only left me the burger patties and no bread. didn't i tell him last night that i don't have any bread to eat the burgers with? why would someone put a condom on my doorknob? if you really wanna fuck me, come and ask me. then i'll tell you yes, no or maybe or go fuck yourself first and if it was good then maybe i'll consider... and if you wanted to fuck my doorknob, i think i should be the first to know especially since the doorknob is attached to my door which is part of my room which i paid for with my father's money. therefore, it's contracted to me and if anyone wants to get any pleasure out of it, i expect some sort of renumeration. RGH! FUCK!! i've questioned the most likely suspects and i haven't found the culprit. so while this is starting to frustrate me a little, it's also getting a little bit creepy cos if it's not someone i know, then i really don't know who it is.

Tuesday, November 20, 2007

it's not snowing anymore. it was nice while it lasted though. went dwn an hour ago to smoke a canelle and had to pass his door again and i heard a girl's voice. but watever, i don't wanna care and i'm trying not to take it personally because i don't have time to. anyways, the snow stayed on the ground for a bit and it was lovely. the ground was all white and shiny and i stuck my tongue out to catch some flurry and some of it got into my eye. and i wrote my name on the road. i should've brought my camera down and i should've called andy down to join us too. he'd have loved it.

this evening, i came back to find a fucking condom tight round my doorknob. still haven't found the culprit yet but i suspect it was tim. i just hope it wasn't used cos i don't intend to wash my gloves any time soon.

i made beer-battered fish and chips today with snapper and sweet potatoes. it was gooood. and matt missed it cos he had a group meeting at the last minute. i'm half-convinced that he backed out cos he was worried i'd poison his food after finding out bout him and the little miss yesterday. well, it's his loss anyways, cos my f&cs won't taste half as good fridged and reheated.

j'ai eu ma derniere presentation ojourdui et ca s'est passee comme ci comme ca. je veux plus y penser. les examens akan datang.

oh did i tell you my perfomance with claire went well? i fucked up a couple of chords but eric said no one would've notice (though he did) so i guess it's all good.

i've bout a month left in ottawa and i know i'm gonna miss here when i leave. i hope i have enough money to visit NY and go to montreal to see jenn.

:: Temple of the King - rainbow

gonna do my meal plan now and go to sleep.

Monday, November 19, 2007

i wish i hadn't seen them. now it makes things very awkward in my head and i hope i don't subconsciously poison his dinner tmr. or later today, i mean. i shouldn't even have gotten interested in the first place. damn yoo donis for putting your ideas ideas into my head. am i jealous? yes i'm jealous cos i like that fucker. he is a cute fucker. but now he's a cute taken fucker. FUCK.

it feels a bit shitty inside. wore my new boots to go down and smoke cinnamon with the rest who went ahead of me and they had just come out of his room and i took the lift dwn with them and it was awkward; he didn't introduce us or anything. i duno why i expected him to. and then i ran ahead of them because i didn't want to be a lightbulb and i didn't want the rest to finish without me. i had my back facing the exit, the cinnamon between my lips and then heather and kat tried to be nice and provide me with live commentry: oh hey here he comes.. maybe they're just friends.. hey, he's looking at you, amelia!... oh shit they just kissed, now that's the end of your life. that was how the shitty feeling came about. and then i asked donis if he knew if youknowwho had a gf and he didn't have a clue. and i related the story to him and he was like are you jealous. fuck of course im fucking jealous. because i'm psycho. i feel so juvenile right now.

Tuesday, November 13, 2007

been feeling quite blah lately. maybe it's the cold? i like dressing up for the cold though; i get to match my layers and wear the cute beanie mummy bought me, my gloves and a scarf. and my cheeks get blush when the wind kisses them. i don't know why i feel so unmotivated though. maybe it's cos i'm having shisha-withdrawal and cinnamon-overload.

i finally got down to cutting up the remaining two unrotted pumpkins, because i was trying to avoid touching my syntax textbook. washed the seeds and set them aside to dry, cut up the flesh and made a capalang pumpkin fudge. we'll try it when i get back from work tues midnight, when davin and kat are off their detox diet. i put more nutmeg than required so we'll see if we get high on that. haha.

claire and i have decided to sing madonna's Cherish for the benefit concert and i'm really excited cos this'll be the first time i play sing and play guitar on stage. and i'm really excited for it to go well cos i wanted to try something diff, like a song that doesn't already have an acoustic version.

i think i know why i'm feeling down. maybe it's the lack of fresh air. ever since it's gotten cold, i've been keeping my window closed and staying in more cos the central heating sucks and i don't have proper winter stuff.

last week, one of my customers and the guy at the video store both commented that i had a british accent. i guess here, without the singlish, i've actually started to speak the way i read aloud. oh well haha. the one thing i don't like though, is canadians telling me: english is your first language? no... but.. you don't sound like you speak english as your first language. i find that pretty offensive. are you trying to tell me what i speak? and yes i understand your question, you don't have to repeat it. now that just reeks of ignorance. the ones who say that are those who think that if you don't speak english with a canadian(non-francophonie)/north american/british person speaks it, then you you're speaking english with an accent and therefore must've learnt it as a second language (not in terms of pedagogical methods, but in terms of order of language acquisition). the one girl who said this to me (that i speak english with an 'secondlanguage' accent), i told her yes, but to me, YOU speak english with an accent. it's called a CANADIAN accent. i felt like asking her so what's your native language since you speak english with an accent? it must be Canadianese or something right? but i think she got my point so i didn't bother. sometimes i duno why i bother being so culturally sensitive when nobody seems to give a shit. ah hah amelia yo're such a bitch.

it's too cold to go to class. fuck.. i need a good one.