i just msged daddy to say i won't be able to stay over anytime this week cos i'm very busy. i hope he hasn't already killed himself. i always worry tt when i'm mean to him and all, he'll just lose it. i mean really lose it. he hasn't replied yet; maybe he's sleeping.

now i feel ok. today, however, totally sucked. i can't keep up with everything. i felt like crying today. was zombie-ing round the radio studio, leaning against doors and whispering to myself. it's not only cos i'm tired; i just can't keep up with everyone else. i don't feel like pple trust me with work, and frankly, i don't think i want to trust myself either. i just wish someone would give me a chance. i don't fancy crying in front of pple, so i lay across daw7 chairs and tried to sleep. a few minutes later, i awoke - disgusted and disappointed to find tt i was still alive. damn this life.

the other day, i broke the news to myself - i don't think i really like stuart all tt much; i was just bored and needed something to do (eg. liking someone random). c'est dommage - truly. but anyway, he's not even interested enough to even send me a single sms.

helping dom a bit with work now. laters you.

i was, till yesterday, a bit pissed with stuart for not messaging me the whole bloody week. i knew he wouldn't just drop me without good reason, cos he's a not a bad person (as mummy thinks). will he ask me to wait for him? he's sweet lah. and i'm just a load of mush. yesterday's american idol was a good excuse to initiate a replyable msg: hahahaha. are you watching american idol now? hahahaha. this to which he replied, You are the sunshine of my life :).
before i turned to mush, i asked myself why he didn't msg his sunshine for so long. then i thought ah well, watever. hah. mush. uncle rahim read my palm today again and reminded me to be more decisive in love. ok.

randomly, i have a heap of work to plough through if i'm gona make it through this sem. tmr lunchtime, me and jillian will go to heeren lemongrass to visit vincent (who promises to treat us - yay!).

oh yes, before i forget - it was a less energetic new year celebration (went jon's hse and even shawn's hse), but a good one nevertheless - Happy New Year.


the Good: i have pple promising to take me clubbing with them cos i can dance and love to dance. (techno clubbing with cousin ian thwaites; hiphop clubbing with jon and gang.)

the Bad: i still have cranky knees.

the Ugly: the prevailing wonkiness has led to my perpetuated obsession with calcium pills as well as glucosamine chondroitin tablets.

In other news:
farewell party for antonia, stuart and wayne will be au chez moi. {:o)


My hopes are so high that your kiss might kill me;
So won't you kill me, so i die happy.
(Hands Down, dashboard confessional)

hallo, i am pickle-me-melia. kootchi kootchi koo.

yesterday, i called stuart out for dinner after having ad meeting at kap. we met at tampines and chris came along cos he had no dinner at home. i told mummy i wasn't coming home for dinner already earlier in the day, and at 8pm, i msged to say i was at tampines eating with stuart and chris. and she just said not to be back late. then at 9.20, she calls, says she wants me home right then, and slams the phone dwn on me. it's amazing i can relate this incident so calmly. anyway, chris drove me back, and i got home to a screaming mummy, who accused me of LYING to her. for wat also i dunno. tt got to me the most, the lying thing. fucking clawing at my nerves. -rgh.

stuart said he was insulted when i told him mummy thought he was a drunkard. but dare he deny it? i hated tt he took it lightly when i told him today tt mummy was damn angry with me last night for going out with him and i kena big scolding all. i hope he doesn't fucking think tt he's got no part in this since i was the one who asked him out. well fuck, if he doesn't wanna try, then why should i? because i'm the sucker. damn it.
i leaned out my window last night to strain a look at the stars and wave at the shadows outside. slept well, but woke up to stuart is not a good person, why did you ask stuart and chris out, he is not good company, you cannot be out with him alone... i just drank my goats milk and pretended i didn't hear her. and now, i'm irritated a bit cos i know i'm such a sucker. i'm getting quite bored of myself.

i saw andrew at sim today. it's been a bloody long time. was damn funny to see him smiling goofy; haha, so cute. i miss talking to you andrew. {:o)
it has suddenly dawned on me tt if i don't talk to my good friends, one by one, we'll die off, or get married, or go to ns or something; and then we'll never be able to talk the way we would've if we talked now. oh shit... it's so sad.

woke at bout 10 or 11, ate instant mee for brunch, walked round the hse playing the electric (as usual, without the amp) while trying to drown out 92.4 (which -goodness knows why- i was blasting), finally fell asleep on sofa, still embracing the Cort. woke up at 3.45 to go to sch for french.

funny... sometime during my 20min wait for the bloody 291 bus, i received a call. hi, amelia...? this is chris frm nyp french club. we've been discussing, and was wondering if you could play bass for our band.

i was like, HUH?! haha... apparently, jeremy told him tt i could play the guitar (er... technically lah, i guess). so he figured i could do bass as well. they're doing alternative rock, which i kindof enjoy listening to sometimes but which isn't exactly the stuff i like to play. i also recently realised tt i am a commitment freak so i'm making a conscious effort to keep my commitments to a minimum so i don't kill myself frm overdrive. so i told him i'm not confident with picking up the bass and i can't commit anyway. said i'd ask round for them though. i was so amused by this... i mean seriously, it's flattering. hah. i should've asked him if he had openings for vocalist or songwriter; tt would be more my area.

i wanted to go for the cantor meeting yesterday just to tell them tt i'm dropping out (a weird way to put it, since i've never actually attended any of the meetings. heh...). but then stuart said it'd be nice to hear me cantor at least before he leaves. so i was a little torn. anyway, i guess since samuel has heard my voice, there's no turning back. ah well, so much for trying not to commit...

professeur jean has organised a 11-day trip to rouen, france, inclusive of a one-wk homestay. i hope and hope this won't clash with any of my 2 papers. 2600$. i will make daddy pay half. heh. yay!

i can't get it off my mind: where will we go when stuart goes to melb?
how then clucky hen?
however, for the sake of keeping my sanity and sense of time, i will concern myself with matters of present.
so... how now brown cow?

19:55 by my handphone found me home alone, gasping and gushing on the sofa. i realise this sounds a tad kinky but watever haha... he loves me! he loves me! was all i could think of.

[replay]
the hot chick (the sexy bitch kind) asked: ...Hey do you know someone called dominic chng from sji?
and so her marlboro man replied: Yup.. A bit of a blur fella. But soccer quite good. Why? Do i have competition my dear? :)

now, if tt isn't a FUCKING big hint, i don't know wat is.
but let's not jump to conclusions, me and my foolish heart. in this area, i realise i am extremely cautious in taking hints.

to record: Till There Was You (the beatles)... after i figure how to play it ya.

only the second day of school and i'm feeling overwhelmed with all the work. shit.

i was just starting my ITP report, a window with nad's blog open on my screen, playing Sway by bic runga; and i suddenly thought of andrew. and vien says pls lah, and i go wat? oh man, am such a sentimental sucker, tell me bout it...

yea, i'm one confused bitch. now, if only there was a way to gauge if this was love. we have less than a 2 months left to figure it out. great... just when i start to feel for someone, a bunch of islands and some big body of water gets shoved between us. wat's this huh? online, i wanted to send him a song. but thanks to my lovely, ever-abundant typos, i sent him a snog. freudian slip, they say. of course, of course.

on saturday, i bumped into jeremy frm nyp french. he asked for my number and said maybe we could go to kino and buy books together using our french award vouchers. i said oh ok, but i was only being nice; i really don't feel comfortable with him. i just don't click with some pple, tt's all. nvm, when he calls me out, then i'll go think of an excuse. right now, my head's too squished.

been getting comments tt jenny low looks like me and my mother. i know mummy's father, gonggong, had another wife. is ms low the offspring? oh well, we'll never know will we?
Note to self: take a photo with ms low before the semester is over. it'll make a good souvenir.

just an hour ago, i had this fantabulous, magnificent telephone conversation with jillian, one of my primary sch best friends. love you, partner. it's been 6 yrs since we've had the opportunity to talk tt much (or at all?). it definitely wasn't easy for us to squeeze the 6 yrs of exciting anecdotes into tt half hour on the phone, but wat was amazing was how we could still click so well. it was amazing, our conversation; like it all came so naturally. it has suddenly occured to me tt i sound like i'm describing some night of great sex or something. ok. i should stop here ya? ok.

new years eve was... i dunno, i don't seem to have any outstanding feelings regarding it, except tt tt morning offered more hints. but anyway, i was asking myself and some friends: so wat's to celebrate bout the new year? if the first day of the new yr was a diff day (than the one it actually was), would there be a difference? do you follow or is this all too strange for you? i guess it's one of my theories where pple either get it, or they just think i'm nutty.

anyway, spoiler statements aside... mt. faber was good i guess. it was a different way to usher in yet another year of random watnot. (i use watnot cos it's not too deceiving nor too ominous). so ya, i'm still living, laughing and now, loving again, so i guess it's a good start ya? yah.

Oh you get me ready in your 56 chevy
Why don't we go sit down in the shade
Take shelter on my front porch.
The dandelion sun scorching,
Like a glass of cold lemonade.
I will do laundry if you pay all the bills

CHORUS
Where is my John Wayne?
Where is my prairie son?
Where is my happy ending?
Where have all the cowboys gone?

Why don't you stay the evening
Kick back and watch the TV
And I'll fix a little something to eat
Oh I know your back hurts from working on the tractor
How do you take your coffee my sweet
I will raise the children if you pay all the bills

CHORUS

I am wearing my new dress tonight
But you don't, but you don't even notice me
Say our goodbyes
Say our goodbyes
Say our goodbyes

We finally sell the chevy
When we had another baby
And you took the job in tennessee
You made friends at the farm
And you joined them at the bar
Almost every single day of the week
I will wash the dishes while you go have a beer

CHORUS

Where is my Marlboro man?
Where is his shiny gun?
Where is my lonely ranger?
Where have all the cowboys gone?
Where have all the cowboys gone?
Where have all the cowboys gone?

(Where have all the cowboys gone, Paula Cole)


Est-ce que tu m'aime, dis-moi. on second thoughts, it's ok; i think i know the answer already. i love you too, my marlboro man (or is it pall mall? haha watever lah). i will wash your dishes, you can go have your beer. it's been a while since anyone's made me feel this fuzzy.

i was thinking bout how i'm probably one of the millions of faddies writing their new yr blog entry now. ok, so i am a conformist. sue me. hah. but hey, i'm the one with the good lawyer. {:o)