:: Caramel - suzanne vega

today- well technically, yesterday- was a very unusual day. i woke up at 9.15... AM (!?!) and then went for 10am 2201 tute (*gasp*). and then i came back and spewed my milo brekky into the jamban then had er-hmm private french tuition (ah?!) with neer. then went for lunch (?? mais oui!). went for french intellectuals tute and then to 3305 for my second take on orals and i did ok (!sans blague!). then went to stcats to help daily settle accomodation for jane. then to hampden for tea sortof.

back at the hall, cherrilyn tells me dinner at 6. come 1815, the WHOLE (!!!) gin gang trots down to the dining hall. the WHOOOLE gin gang. even regina.


what an amazing and unbelievably productive day. very fulfilling. i guess it kindof wore off by evening, since i only just finished my 329-word essay (whhich is spposed to have 700 words) after more than 5 hrs mucking round in front of lapster, having a good late night talk with jack... and since it's already 6.13 and i'm not yet in bed.. not much hope of tt amazing day repeating itself. oh well. it felt great anyhow.

:: Blind - lifehouse

i'm addicted to this song. got it off fabian, who suggested i learn it so we can 'jam' it together. just for fun. how fun is tt!? just learning songs for fun.. i wish this was wat i came to uni for.

i wonder how come everyone's been saying i look like i'm on something. maybe not everyone.. so far it's just tom, jack and aaran d. hah anyways, i wish i was. for the fun of it and/or so i could properly justify my looking either stoned or high most of the time. i wonder what i'd be like on weed.

:: I'll Never Get Over You Getting Over Me - exposé

lidong's decided to go to uq instead. i really wanted to tell him he's being stupid to go just cos his friends will be there. and besides, i thought he chose anu cos of their pol sci units; are uqs units better to him now? but then i thought tt'd just make me sound like a total bitch. sometimes i wish we had more similar aspirations. i find myself holding our differences against him a lot. it's not his fault i guess but he has to realise there are more than two ways of looking at things.

i had a religious debate sortof with david the other day. he was doing tt christian thing. the thing where they insist tt only those who believe in jesus will go to heaven. in tt case, i told him, heaven can't be all it's made out to be, since half the pple i know won't be there. but then by christian theory, i probably wouldn't make it to heaven anyways so i shouldn't be so worried.

there's been lots of late night bonking upstairs. i feel our floor is missing out.

:: Mary - scissor sisters

i've contracted an ennui that i can't seem to shake off. where did this come from? it's reminiscent of tt jadedness nearly tt ate me up halfway through poly. i feel inclined to call this The Yr 2 Syndrome.


if you haven't already, do check this out: Sebab Saya Shotgun
cheesy, lame and quite the very power (tapi kalau kau tak faham melayu, then maybe not so funny). maybe i will invite them to sing this song at my void deck kawin. mm. thank you for sharing, ravi maan.

:: Sweet Jane - cowboy junkies

slept late last mornite and then overslept for netball practice then had to do the psalm today and then couldn't bring myself to do anything so told the girls let's go out for din. while sitting in cherriyln's rm waiting for alex, i started crying again. why do the tears keep coming? so i spent the night talking aloud to myself in an attempt to keep the tears at bay. but aaron was being a fucking prick: eh next time don't ask me for dinner if she's like tt. why, thank you, how extremely sensitive.

i don't feel like trying anymore. this whole thing has sort of put me off being in a 'romantic' relationship. i wonder how when it'll stop raining in my heart.

today rae, cherrilyn, neer and regina made me smile.



4.43am. i'm back. comforting depressed pple distracts me frm my listlessness. is feeling emotionally fucked up in vogue now? i didn't realise. i'm so glad she came to me. i don't want to boast but i don't think she could've found a better person on this floor cos it takes one to know one. helping pple like me makes me feel like i don't suffer in vain.

why am i so emotional, karin?
cos you're human.

despite the long and tearful conversation, the only quietus i feel now is that of my love for lidong. i don't know what he's thinking now. maybe that it's ridiculous that i have so much to say. maybe he's thinking i'm making a big issue out of nothing. and it scares me that i never know what he assumes about me; that i'm guilty? ludicrously emotional? selfish? it scares me, the thought of him thinking this of me, and the chances of it all surfacing during a future misunderstanding, like a circus of clowns popping out of a pot of hot stew. just now amid my wailing and bawling, for the first time in a while, i felt like physical death would be a plausible reprieve.

:: Goodbye to You - michelle branch

je souhaite que nous puisse s'entendre, baby. pense-tu que nous soyons capables?

lidong told me i didn't have to feel anything, when he pointedly ignored me for two days without telling me why.


fine then. if he's not over that FUCKING attitude of his after i'm done bawling my eyes out and crying my throat sore, it might just do me good to try out his advice. i imagine it wouldn't be easy. anyone need a gf? i'll promise to try not to hang up on you.
caution: comes with a broken heart, feelings included.

i had a dream last night that among other things, andrew had completely gotten over the fact that i regularly make sacrifices of live bugs to my pet spiders. tt seems to stand out cos it was the last segment of dream so i remember it well and also because it was the most surprising.

i feel like shit. i wonder if having anorexia or bulimia feesl like this. or is this the feelign pple get when they're dying of cancer or aids and their body is just dying from inside out?

dinner time. the thought alone makes me nauseous.

i need you so much closer
i need you so much closer
i need you so much closer
i need you so much closer
so come on, come on


:: Transatlanticism - death cab for cutie

my stomach is full but my heart feels empty.

lidong smsed just now to say sorry he hasn't felt like talking lately and he hopes i understand. i'm trying to but i don't. is it me? how come i feel so estranged? how come i'm such a load of needy crap? the other day we webcammed but it was just me staring at him doing his work. i don't remember ever feeling so frustrated. maybe i'm not what he needs anymore.

i shouldn't overreact i should allow for his moods and i should not be so needy.

Que tu m'aimais encore, serais ce possible alors?


i suddenly remember tt he'd often accuse me of doing things for myself only. you must hate me so much. maybe he thinks i make love to him only cos i'm greedy and horny. i feel offended just thinking bout tt. could two people breed any more misunderstanding? maybe not sleeping enough is making me sad. maybe some sleep will do good.

:: Fake Plastic Trees - radiohead

:: Dalma Dalma - michel legris

M le prof decided tt in order to force us to shout in french, we had to have our tute at the tav. as if i'm not sleepy enough in a normal lecture rm, they had to give me a glass of chardonnay, after which i turned hot and pink. at least for once tristan didn't say reveille-toi cos i'd already warned him i might fall asleep. i'm glad i stuck round after tute to chat with my classmates. now they actually know that our native language is not *singaporeanese (but i've been asked so many times if i speak *singaporeanese tt it isn't even tt funny anymore). but then again, most singaporeans mistakenly think our national language is english (it's Malay by the way) so i shouldn't start on how ignorant some aussies can get.

anyways, a few mins into our conversation, this girl melanie, whom i found out is frm yorkshire, asks me where i'm frm and looks confused when i say i'm from singapore. Oh.. i thought you sounded a bit scottish. HAHAHAHA. tt's one response i've never heard. i take out the lahs and lors and ahs, raise my tone a notch and change my alveolar stops to taps and suddenly i'm scottish? haha. amusing.

and then just now karin told me one of the MUAs (apparently standard fashion acronym for make-up artist) asked her if she was frm the west indies. haha wat is going on, man? time for more indepth linguistic analysis, je crois.


:: Ça Fait Rire Les Oiseaux - La compagnie créole

(allez, amelia! tu es capable! 100 mots encore!)