this is prob the last post of the yr. i'm kind of wishing i had a nice collection of pics i could post up to summarise the yr. but considering the time limit time limit (31 mins till the yr is out) and the fact tt i have more than a thousand pics to choose frm (understatement of the yr), we'll leave it then. anyways, kind of cheesy and cliché isn't it, doing all tt.

but wat to do, i guess it's very human to want to organise things the way we do.. so here're some of my thoughts (in random order):

one of the worst years for my throat.

i liked celta, i think it was a great learning experience for me.

jamming kept me happy for this yr, but will it for the next? i do hope so.

i tried to be nicer to daddy.

i'm quite bothered tt i'm stuck at home this new years eve because i really wanted to be at the gig tonight and to stay over at the suite they booked and perhaps have a little informal inter-band bonding maybe? haha only karin knows what i'm thinking.

anyway, i hope next yr will be less falling sick. prob will be less since i'm in the pe dptmt and will be obliged to help out in the TAF club hahah bloody hell. i'll also be helping kids with big exams and shit so i don't wanna stress them by being frequently absent.

i want to grow musically next yr- have the will power to read and understand at least half of my piano handbook. i'm glad to finally be back singing choral music because i miss the sound of it so much. and i'm happy to be in a band and i hope we don't lose the drive and i hope the precarious dynamics improve next yr. i've sung how many- 5 gigs this yr? or 5 since i got back? i duno. maybe 4, or maybe more. my fav was the arts hse one cos i think tt went sooo well. more collaborating and gigging next yr, please!

i applaud myself for my resilience, and i am thankful for this year of healing.
maybe a new love next yr? a new love to stay and grow old with me. i met all my previous bfs in jan. this jan, we'll see.

i'm thankful for the work i've done and for all those who have encouraged me and continue to do so. a year ago, i never thought i'd be in this position (see: being a gahmen slave and not really minding it because i really enjoy my work)

catching up with old friends after being away for so long. making lots of new friends (celta, les signorets, music-related, vox, sch/work, among others.)

settling back into life here- social, family, work, watever- after being away for so long. this wasn't easy at all. but i guess it all fell into place. isn't perfect at the moment but nothing is anyway.

i hope to go to london in june to visit karin. tt's my top priority holiday. note to self: SAVE SAVE SAVE!!!!

i like tt im working now and making my own money. it's not much but i'm trying. hope i get a nice performance bonus before i had off for training. tt'd be really sweet.

i'm really happy tt im happy where i am. this is such an improvement from the beginning of the yr, when everything was just falling apart (failed plans for new caledonia teaching assistantship, ambivalence bout returning to perth for convo, having to come to terms with being the only single person in the hse blablah)

i finally did some things i've been procrastinating bout (is "about" really the right preposition? wat should it be, really? "over"??) sending karin something among them. haha.

this yr ive taught so much and ive learnt even more. i've learnt tt i love teaching. i'm so grateful for anne and her family for being the first ones to provide me with the opportunity to develop my teaching skills and for being so encouraging and inspiring. i want to visit them next yr in paris if there's time when i'm in london.

oh shit it's new yr now. 00:00. 010, why did you come so soon?

ok, so THIS yr, i'll be meeting lots of new pple too. new students, new classmates (at my course, which i have yet to bitch bout). may they all be - i won't say "nice" cos tts just being unrealistic- endearing.

my zehzeh is moving to nz in march. it'll be anotehr yr of changes for me. i guess it's good cos it keeps me from getting jaded, and having interest in life is really important for me. i'm dreading her leaving and i'm half excited too. excited for her, and excited for me (cos i'll be having my own room). i'll miss my zehzeh. {:o(

this yr, i HAVE TO learn to drive. cos zehzeh will be leaving and i guess i should stop procrastinating already. i feel reallybad not being able to help with the errands.

this yr sch will be exciting cos i'll have new (and hopefully more well-defined) duties and i'll apparently be doing wat i'm actually trained to do (helping foreign kids with eng). tt'll be a fun test for me. hopefully, on top of sch and training and choir and band, i'll still be able to fit in some tuition time. i'm anticipating having to make some tough calls here.

i wonder how the countdown at blujaz is going. and i wonder if lidong is there and i wonder if dylan is there. was actually looking forward to saying hi to lidong. and giving dylan the stab in the head he deserves.

spiritually, i think i'd like to remain where i am, without layman commitments and with an open mind.

lots of movement where love is concerned: some marriages, some get-togethers, some breakups, babies, blablah. none to do with my own lovelife. but i guess it's good cos being occupied with other pples' lovelife keeps me frm brooding too much bout my own.

i also had lots of me time, thanks to my flexible tuition job. walking round, exploring spore. i wish more pple could have the time and the interest to do tt.

other unique experiences: ipl, sch camp, etc.

ive been typing for almost an hr now and i'm not done. okok.. ending pretty soon ok. feeling feverish so need to sleep like in 10 mins.

i saw and heard and felt and did so much last yr. and i think i actually do as much every yr. wat a fulfilling life i have. i'm so grateful to God for this my fulfilling life and more importantly, for my simple mind tt allows me embrace sundries tt come my way. it'd be really nice if i had someone to share this all with. {:o)

the flu is getting to me. mornite. and happy, healthy new yr <3

was feeling pretty emo the whole evening. cant remember wat was going through my head, just remember feeling pretty out of it.

oh ok i recall a bit of it now.. family was discussing wat to get me for xmas and i said i needed nothing but then i thought bout it and i concluded to myself tt wat i really yearned for was a love life so i wouldn't feel so fucking bored. ok, it's not so i wont feel bored, really.. i guess i just appreciate tt kind of company. i wonder if i'll ever meet someone who'll fall in love with me when i'm at my worst. often pple a drawn to my manic aspect and then they kind of fail to realise tt the only way i can get so high is by falling really low.

this on the side: it frustrates me when men don't assert themselves when they're with me. then i feel subconsciously compelled to treat them like the pushovers they allow themselves to be. i find it almost impossible to translate such subservience (the giving in to me and apologising for lame insignificant things and all tt) as a sign of love/affection/watever. maybe it's their way of expressing it, but seriously, it's a real turn off. AND, i dont understand pple who try to make me less upset/tired/annoyed by saying: "don't be upset/tired/annoyed." how's tt even a solution or a consolation or a distraction?? in fact, it just reminds me of how upset/tired/annoyed i am and how insensitive you are to my plight and how crap you are at grasping the notion of emotions. what makes you think tt you can alleviate my plight by simply dictating how your wish of seeing me less upset/tired/annoyed? it works quite the opposite way, in fact. GAH! PET PEEEEEVE.

in unrelated news: i have a taxi habit.

weather has been alternating between crazy-hot and emo-chilly. well... i guess some variety is good, no?

thursday, finally met with the whole band after daaaaaaaamn long. had fun hanging round in cheam's room. today, finally had our xmas jam at boon's and it went pretty well. the best jam sessions are the really productive ones.

you know i thought i'd be free during the holidays but it seems tt i'll be fucking busy. stepping up on the tuition, volunteering with sch camp and the mv event. and then more jamming. and more jamming. and then some xmas meetups here and there. gah!! there's never enough time, is there?


reading this right now: The Ever So Strange Animal Almanac

i like stuff like tt. tt, and stuff like the MBTI personality test.

having my lunch of vegetarian rendang with leftover rice now. totally loving this shit, man. everyone's gone downtown and im just parked in front of my comp in my pyjamas watching random stuff on tv and listening to the emo chinese music frm the funeral downstairs. sounds like something out of those chinese period tv series. at my funeral, i want them to play zhi3 yao4 wei4 ni3 huo2 yi4 tian1. just for kicks. and then i want vox to do Prayer of the Children.

late late night last night. drunk cousins and supper at tiong bahru and drunk cousins. did i mention drunk cousins?

my self-esteem has been floating somewhere in the negative range the past few days. wake up in the morning and feel like i want to crawl into a hole in the ground and stay there. fucking pms. i hate how pple think pms is just a figment of women's imagination. i can tell you it fucking is NOT. cos i don't do any counting; as soon as i start feeling as down as i did yesterday, i know it's coming. dammit. so angsty. so anyway, the red sea came today and the washed all the blahness away. tt's prob the only great thing bout getting my period- no more pms.


on the brighter side, tim has gotten me a lobang with some fella he says is über-talented- better than paul ponnudurai, he tells me. so i'm dying to have a jam with this guy. he apparently wants a vox to do gigs with but i can't commit now for obvious reasons. tsk... fate had better have a bloody good excuse for this terrible timing. maybe he will offer me a chance to be his friend-with-benefits. then future days like this one, where i am all alone at home with nothign to do, at least i'll have someone to do. do i sound desperate? i'm not. .... tsk. oi. stop it. i'm not, ok.

ok, moving on to the frosted cupcake now. mass later. something tells me i'll be late- oh dear. haven't been jamming since forever and i'm starting to lose momentum. no no no.......

does watching me eat turn you on? or are these pigout sessions instrumental in your devious plan to have me for xmas? thinking bout this makes me uncomfortable because i want nothing more and nothing less from you than wat i have now. how to break it down?

:: Bad Romance - lady gaga

i'm addicted to this video. there seems to be this whole eastern promises cum cher cum marilyn manson thing going on. anyways, today sch was slack. good thing actually, since i only had something like 5 hours of sleep. i know- it's so ridiculous how i'm so adamant on keeping such unhealthy hours, knowing full well i have to wake up early. welwelwelcome to my world, won't you come on in. (miracles, i guess, still happen now and then)

Lady Gaga - Bad Romance

there's something so bizarre and addictive bout this video and this song. i like how it's quite eurodance-like.

i think my writing here has gradually become fairly esoteric over the yrs. not tt it matters tt much. but i guess with a job like my current one, this is how i should keep it.


oh, i forgot to mention, i love having the baby around. i think we all do. this is probably not a universal rule, but in my hse, having babies around always makes life a bit more bearable for everyone. it's like, babies have no pressure to be existential or anything like tt. they're just there cos pple like them there. maybe tt's why they know they can be all diva-like. wow i'm wishing right now tt i were somebody's baby too.

:: Bless This School - (the voices of my little rascals in my head)

ok so here's the lowdown, amelia: i've been fucking lazy at work recently. i dunno why. i hope it's not cos i'm losing momentum cos i think it's waaay too early in my this career to be going down. it's tt one article i've got to do. everytime i think of having to complete it, i'm reminded of why i chose teaching over anything masscommy.

so anyway, almost exactly one year ago, i logged onto fb to find myself dumped by the man i thought was the love of my life and the one whom i had envisioned myself spending the rest of my (sex)life with. it seems likea really long time ago. still, i'm grateful for the kind wishes frm all directions. my flatmates, my old friends, my not so old friends, a distant relation.. it made me realise how many pple i actually knew in my life and how many good impressions i mustve left (at least good enough for pple to want to say kind words to me in my time of despair, despite our dearth of communication up till then). tt was nice. i hope i could find it in me to do the same to someone when the need arises.

last week, regina brought up something tt made my guts curl up in shame. i know i have a bit of an ego but sometimes i let it get the better of me and then i just wanna slap myself for being so self-absorbed. how are you going to say anything comforting when you don't even notice it needs to be said, amelia? shame on you!


in other news, i've been blowing all my weekend tuition money (135-180) on taxirides and food. as usual. tsk, i'm just doing my bit in feeding the economy ok! and this is good, no?

(i am just thinking of other random shit to blabber on bout so tt i can avoid tt damn article.)

right, so... all this contact with dysfunctional/non-functional families at sch and all has been prompting me to try and recall wat i was like in sch when mummy and daddy were "not on good terms". mummy always told us we could tell pple tt if anyone asked. which was good i guess. actually it's damn good. the worst thing you can do to a child is tell them tt they're not allowed to tell anyone tt their parents are breaking up. like as if it's something the child ought to be ashamed of. TOTALLY cruel. just cos your marriage is dysfunctional, doesn't mean your kids have to be.. unless of course, you insist on bringing them up tt way. then i think you need to be smacked real hard.
how did we even get to talking bout this?

so.. moving on.. the extremely short (yet seemingly long) hiatus in attention i've been receiving made me feel a bit empty. and slightly (just slightly) insecure. and i had tried to take preemptive measures (such as telling myself i was just being delusional) just in case this were to happen. but it did happen and i wasn't ready for it. but i never am, am i, Am? so... what do you call it when it seems like you both seem to need to see each other every week?


haven't jammed in a while and it's beginning to feel normal- not good!!! what happened to the withdrawal symptoms i used to get? i should be cold turkey by now. oh man. cmon.. don't lose momentum now..

A falling star fell from your heart and landed in my eyes
I screamed aloud as it tore through them,
and now it's left me blind

The stars, the moon, they have all been blown out
You left me in the dark
No dawn, no day, I'm always in this twilight
In the shadow of your heart

And in the dark, I can hear your heartbeat
I tried to find the sound
But then it stopped, and I was in the darkness,
So darkness I became

The stars, the moon, they have all been blown out
You left me in the dark
No dawn, no day, I'm always in this twilight
In the shadow of your heart
Oooh...

I took the stars from our eyes, and then I made a map
And knew that somehow I could find my way back
Then I heard your heart beating, you were in the darkness too
So I stayed in the darkness with you

The stars, the moon, they have all been blown out
You left me in the dark
No dawn, no day, I'm always in this twilight
In the shadow of your heart

The stars, the moon, they have all been blown out
You left me in the dark
No dawn, no day, I'm always in this twilight
In the shadow of your heart
Oooh...

:: Cosmic Love - florence and the machine


this song makes me feel like i'm in love.
you know, i was walking through citylink just now, away frm my favourite haunt, and i thought bout how music brings out the strongest and most extreme emotions in me frm one end of the spectrum to another. like no one and nothing else can. it makes me feel like im experiencing things all over again. like this song makes me feel like i'm in love and how passenger makes me feel like i'm really having sex (doesnt make me wet or anything like tt but you know what i mean). music seems to evoke every possible emotion in me and somehow it feels like i dont need to live with the outside world anymore. once i've experienced every emotion possible in my life, all i have to do is lock myself in a room and then put the music on, and any emotion i want to relive, i can relive just by popping in the right track.

i cant even begin to explain it properly- the ecstacy tt overtakes me when i hear certain musical arrangements. i cant think of anyone else i know who feels as emotional bout music as i do. considering the ridiculous number of pple ive known up tto this point in my life, i'm sure there's at least someone, i just prob don't realise. i guess i'm able to be this affected by music largely cos i let myself. i think tt's something a lot of pple don't do. they don't let go enough. i've held it in too much in the past so i'm over and done with tt. haha i'm so emo. not like storyoftheyear kind of emo, but like emotional emo.

i'm really amazed at pple who arrange music so ingeniously like in this song. i don't even have to think bout the words to feel like im in cosmic love. and wat an apt title. some songs try too hard to make you feel this or that or have act-cool titles. cosmic love is just exactly wat it is. how unpretentious. and with an unbeatable build-up. am i sounding too cool for sch? haha does tt mean i can pontang tmr? i hope my current job will never become a bane big enough to turn me totally off.

i think you're obsessed. and it's so godaamn bleedingly obvious.
but i'm totally revelling in it. dammit.

it wouldn't be so terrible if i knew for sure tt you were also just in this for a good time. but i won't know cos i won't ask. and i'm getting carried away on this wave of anticipation tt it's really scaring me. i guess feeling confused is better than not feeling at all, yes?

kariiiiiiiiiiiiin!!!!!!!! howwwwwww nowwwwwwwwww laaaaaaaaaaaah??????? HAHHA. shit.

:: Love That Will Last - renee olstead

good jam today. didn't get to meet daddy though. cos i was lounging round the hse with terence. let him sleep on the sofa after his supper at changi village. cos i waited up to let him in, and cos if youtube, i slept ridiculously late in the mornite and then had trouble remaining asleep. finally gave up sleeping and got out of bed at 11. so we sat round watching tv, marking hmwk, and then later jamming. by the time we made it out of the hse to get lunch, it was 3. i'm so good at fucking up my body clock and creating plenty of opportunity to fall sick. oh well.

jammed at boons other studio which was surprisingly nice so we're going back there next jam. loo and cheam made fun made fun cos i told loo bout terence sleeping over. oh well. i was expecting it i guess. on the topic of things of this nature, i don't think i will ever see the day where i can say to myself confidently tt i'm truly sure of my feelings for anyone to the point where i can articulate them point by point, loudly and proudly. at least not in the near future. i felt so sure bout dylan but tt's gone now. i wonder if anyone will come by and make me feel tt way again. i see a couple of possiblities but we'll just wait and see what happens. i don't want to rush things and have them turn out like me and lidong. i wonder how he is now, tt boy. i'm quite sure he's doing good without a friend like me. and i'm not trying to be sarcastic.

today's jam was enjoyable. everyone was in good spirits and it just felt really fun. i'm relieved the tectonic plates in taiwan did not swallow our bassist. yay and yippee. i like how we all get along so well. i don't think it's something we should take for granted. oh, wonder if there'll be some (non-religious) xmas gigs for us. a sleepy but fulfilling, tune-filled day.

we had a very satisfying gig at earshot the other day. i'm very pleased. aside from a few cock-ups, i think we did more than fine. kevin and kim and tim came. and mark chan too. and some of my bacins were there. plus some vox friends. jing and nurul came down too. so it was all pretty nice. got more pple than tt lah, but these are the ones who im assuming came for me. {:o) oh ya, terence was also tt cos he better bloody be. haha. the bcs claimed tt the waitress stopped dead in her tracks when i started singing.. i'm sure they meant this in a good way. i'm really happy cos got lots of positive feedback. kevin said awesome set and to tell him when the next one is. and kim apparently told mummy the next day tt i sounded like jewel. ok lah, tt one comment, i don't quite agree with lah but was nice anyway hahah. terence said it was a really good set. so tt's at leats two pple who have a good ear who liked the set. i'm pretty happy bout tt. no, actually.. i'm fucking pleased. {:oDDDDD
personally, i think brown eyes blue was one of the best. wanna do soem informal polling to see which songs hit home.

yesterday, an and din's hari teristimewa (hahah.. my new fav word). tiring but nice to watch. i'm quite determined to have a void deck wedding. now the problem is finding a non-muslim who's up for it. not cos i got anything against muslims, but only because i fucking love my babi and babat too much. so, my handsome mats... sorry, man; i can't do mock pork (not longterm, at least) but i can make do with mock-malay (see: melayu-looking eurasian, chindian, dark chinese, french???...)

so anyways, there's my busy week over and done with. good to know i survived tt. this week psle. meh meh meh. i'm working really hard right now... on avoiding the stack of compositions i'm spposed to be marking right now.

i'm a bit lost, having too many choices. i want to love. but you know, maybe i don't even have the time. so it's good, perhaps, tt i dont have ONE special someone now. no commitment. just a whole lot of touching bases with no homeruns. like playing on an eternally circling pitch without a home plate. when will this end? do i really want it to?

:: Plane - jason mraz

Sophia - nerina pallot

thanks juli.

:: Stronger Than Jesus - a camp

my newest favourite song. love love love it.

went to nms to watch little shop of horrors with uncleparty the other day. i dont remember the show being so musical. it was almost like rocky horror picture show. same time, i guess. then in his car i heard a camp and i realised tt i hadn't seen my a camp songs since forever. who knows where they went. so anywya, back home and youtubed it, as i always do.

acoustic gig at arts house this weekend. excited but pretty nervous, since we only just settled our setlist last night. marcus has a pretty nice original.

Don't you know love is stronger than Jesus?
Don't you know love can kill anyone?
So bring it on; wars and diseases
You know that love can do you like a shotgun.

cck cemetery yesterday cos granny's bday was.. erm last week or this week or something. i've never really bothered to remember everyone's birth days. well anyway, i got there first and went to the flower shop and picked up lots of flowers- 7$ to be exact. and then tried to remember the way to grave. gave granny the red rose and a sprig of purple orchids and two brightly-coloured sunfloweresque flowers. duno wat they're called. then spent the next 15 mins trying to ration the other flowers to the lonely graves. sometimes it feels i'm an indie movie all by myself; trudging through unkempt graves in my kebaya and jeans, jumping over drains, taking random pictures of the sky and the egrets, my open bag and my stuff strewn all over someones marble grave. i always remember to smile at the pictures, so they don't get angry with me.

cousin's wedding tmr night and i'm going full-on with the bibik getup. i'm actually worried i'm gonna be more gaudy than the bride, which i predict will be pretty embarrassing.

it feels i know what i think of you
it feels we know what we think of each other
does lust play a part in this?
does lust play a part in this?
does lust play a part in this?
does lust play a part in this?
can you be a part of this?

so.. i had this really dirty dream last night involving someone i know. but then i woke up so delighted; i'm not sure if i should be feeling bad at all.

:: Sweet Disposition - the temper trap (on constant replay)

why are you fighting sleep, amelia?

why do i like men with dark pasts? hate experience-less morons. guess i like knowing i'm not the only one of the two with things to hide. makes me feel regular almost. and it's interesting. yeah. ok mornite.

mike patton scares the fucking shit out of me. ugh. i refuse to have anything to do with him. i don't care tt pple think he's a musical genius.. i'm not covering any of his originals. dammit i'm gonna get nightmares. GAH.

it's too late to be up. i wonder how the nidji concert went. really wanted to go for tt cos i think i wouldve enjoyed it. but work is work.

today: new kebayas. ♥ ♥ ♥. there was steamboat too. and book vouchers. and a little liondancing boy. and oh ya, i miss poutine too. i also miss the smell of the reservoir, among a great deal of other things- like the smell of someone else's skin.

tmr: i wanna see dead sea scrolls, meet with band, maybe stay at daddy's place. in the further future, i want to marry kelly jones. marry me, kelly jones- i fucking love you. bloody hell i forgot i have more than 30 compositions to mark by monday.

:: Sweet Disposition - the temper trap

i've found a new beat, there's no time to sleep.

and selamat hari raya aidilfitri.

:: jimmy - moriarty

sometimes i wonder what i do up so late. but then i'm sure i'm not the only one (wondering, i mean - not staying up late).

been reading the coupland book i got for cheap. i must admit, all the smartass quips can be overkill when i'm not in a receptive mood. otherwise it's pretty good fodder. lots of quotable quotes. lots of things tt speak to me. i like spotting quotable excerpts from bks i like and mulling them over. at least i have the mental capacity to spot quotable things from a book. as opposed to tt fucked up loser who told me he liked "quotes". ---- attention: imminent egotrip/diss-piss --- He'd just go round taking pics of or copying down quotes he saw- like stuff someone else had already quoted. i dunno.. now i think bout it, tt seems pretty pointless. and lame. cos everything's a quotable quote if you really think bout it. it's simply a question of perception. maybe he thought chalking up a collection of clever-sounding quotes would make him produce some clever ones himself. well no chance of tt. here, let's take a look at the nominees, dahling:

"I'm the kind of person that knows when he finds something special, and he never lets go."

"I'll always love you, amelia."

"I'll never let anyone hurt you."

"I'm sorry. I have no choice... I love her. I have no choice."



my, tt last one's a real winner isn't it. what a fucker. seriously. --oh stop being so bitter.


:: mr nice nose - nadia

as i was waiting for my turn for the dr to poke around at my boobs (which turned out to be a more ticklish than traumatic experience), i sat across this really pretty girl whose face i couldnt stop staring at. she had cropped slightly brown-highlighted hair on top of her dainty face. big brown eyes which you couldn't imagine closed, a nice dainty nose, nice-sized ears and a really dainty - but not annoyingly so - chin. sort of like a pixie with big eyes, sans the elvish ears. she was really slim. with slender limbs. i guess it wasn't just the face, but the whole look and the aura she exuded. i just wanted to sit and stare at her the whole fucking day. im guessing she was an airstewardess cos she acted and looked like one (an sq one, i.e.). and well, if she wasn't one, she ought to be have been. i'd sit any plane she was on. and i kept rummaging through my brain files to see if she reminded me of anyone but no one came to mind. still, there was something so familiar bout her. a breast-check later, i found myself in a rental bookstore a couple of floors dwn. being the ocd freak i am, i had to walk every aisle and look even at every section so i wouldnt miss anything. at the "local" shelf, i picked up some book by bonny hicks. ive read her signature bk before and wasnt impressed but i just needed to pick something up so i did and when i turned to see the see the blurb, bonny's picture caught my eye and i realised tt my pixie girl looked like bonny hicks. i'm not satisfied though. i am sure it's not bonny hicks she reminded me of and tt the resemblance to her is just a complete distraction of a coincidence.

sortof eventful past two weeks.

met up with rima, jing and karin for vegetarian food in chinatown. very amusing how much (combined) effort it took for us just to order in mandarin.

jing places order.
prc waitress: chingchongchingchong
jing: (looks at karin for help) ??
karin: er.. black sauce. (to me) tt means black sauce right?
me: er ya i think so. (to self) chingchongchingchong... erm ya sounds like black sauce to me)
jing: (to waitress) erm ya ok. i'll have tt.
rima: xie xie.

hahahaa. it's not tt our chinese is bad. if she had said "dao you", we'd know exactly what she meant. but she said it in mandarin. totally threw us off there. it kind of disturbs me when i try to order local food and the prc server doesn't understand what i'm saying. i say chee cheong fun, she says zhu chang fen; i say char kway teow, she says chao guo tiao; i say cheng tng, she says qing tang. if its a hokkien dish, why can't the prc server just learn the hokkien name for it because tt's what it goes by?? similarly, you wouldn't have someone working at the nasi lemak stall asking you if you want "extra scaly hairfin anchovies with your coconut rice". you'd be like WTF. plus, calling different food by their original names makes them more unique, you know? maybe i'm just being anal, but i believe eating is all bout the experience. if i eat "luo mai gai", i feel like wah i'm experiencing cantonese cuisine.. as opposed to eating (insert mandarin name for luo mai gai), just another "chinese food". homogeny can present itself as a real bitch when you're a sucker for variety. where's the love in diversity, ya'll? and how did we go from recounting my exciting life to a dissing socio-linguistic peeves? tsk.

baybeats. only managed to make saturday. went there with shaun and alicia but they left when markie and the boys came. then terence came, then daddy came, then julius. i'm glad i went to watch meza virs even though i'm not a metal fan. fantastic presence and got the crowd really excited. quite funny though.. the whole throaty thing. oh they did a gothic metal ish cover of love song. their stuff is not the kind i'd listen to on radio or cd but i'd love to watch them live again. opposition party was good too.. with their mr samurai/ninja fella, though they didn't have the whole crazy cedric vox and jonny and tripped out female keyboardist haha. but at the powerhse especially, the sound system didn't do the bands justice. markie turned to us in the middle of the meza virs set and said: this is the first metal/rock gig i've been to where i can actually talk to you guys. and even though i'm not crazy bout the whole glottal roaring thing, i was a bit bothered tt the vox couldn't be heard loudly enough.

the whole night was almost like a mcm reunion of sorts. saw elias doing the spraypainting thing.. and indra- haven't seen him in ages!.. the last i heard (more than 3 years ago) was tt his visa in spore was expiring. but i guess he got it worked out. wanted to talk to him but i was on the ph and he walked off with his friend. and then saw josh, when we went to check out the pinoy band. he said his two bands' cds were on sale at the merch booth and i shamelessly asked if i could dwnld them off him. HAHAA. and then saw shaiful, and then michelle. she told me she was still teaching eng. cool beans. i didn't realise i had any friends my age who had also foraged into efl teaching. so anyway, it could be cos i'm growing old, but baybeats feels diff. the last time i went was 2006 i think. where i bumped into uncleparty hahaa. aside frm juli, i onloy saw ONE guy i recognised frm fsv. jules says it's diff cos it's become a gahmen thing. he's prob right but i think it's alos cos we're getting old. we're fucking old, julius. or rather, old is fucking us. anyways, the the silly little boys left early and daddy left soon after and it was just me, julius and terence. haha. just like tt no-smoking gig we went to. BEAT! started at 11 o'clock. kind of like the outdoor poptart thing they had in 06, which is juts my thing. bopping and gyrating and headbanging and handdancing and clapping and shouting along. i got so high from the adrenalin rush, my hands couldn't stop shaking 20 mins after we had stopped dancing. mummy made a fuss on sms and julius sent me home on his bike.. mummy made a big fuss when i got back. she was sitting in front of the tv with her imgonnatakeyouonaguilttrip face. and of course tt's exactly what she did. but as i lay in bed that mornite, i was still tripping frm the dancing and the scary bike ride tt i couldn't get to sleep. oh what a night.

next day, mama's bday. had semi-demi-fun. couldve been more gratifying if not for the familiar familial faux pas, and naik atas-ness and unyielding, unnecessary pride of various family members. made me wonder if i wouldve been happier just going for baybeats day3.

teachers day was fun. went back to sch to amuse myself and collect a whole paperbagful of presents. kids can be so sweet and so strange. then tutoring my two new students. tt was slightly painful. i hate it when my students start looking at their watched every 5 mins cos then i feel like i'm torturing them and tt's really the last thing i wanna do. i've always hated boring tuition teachers so why the fuck would i wanna do tt to anyone. but it's gotten better this week; the little one (and i do mean LITTLE) enjoyed my lesson so much, when we had finished he was like "c fini??? oh." *surprised french look* and tt made me feel real good. their dad's an artist, just like anne. how cool. i love french artists who enjoy living in singapore and who let me tutor their kids. HAHA.

after tt, jamming for feast day. we're getting lots better and i'm pretty content with the progress. also jammed just now at sonofa (twice a week!) and though we're not super, we've improved so much frm our last nativity gig. whee! i'm always so happy when i jam. don't fall sick, don't fall sick.

me and karin met with karol and jon for dindin. yes- to make a din, really. undersized meal portions, moonlight okos, japanese desserts with no service charge, and talk of marriage, cheap bridegrooms, the dearth of certain persons' sexual activity, my overbearing mother all included.

ok mother coming out to scold me now: 1.42am. fuck. gtg

just finished watching lars and the real girl. wat a special film. special.. just like silje nergaard's the waltz, or a jon brion song ost of eternal sunshine of the spotless mind. i wanted to say it was "nice" but i don't feel tt word does it any justice. fantastic acting too. it was all very... unassuming. makes me feel good bout life. you know?


it's come to my attention tt since i'm not sure when, i've been incapable of remaining seated and attentive for more than 20 minutes when watching a film. i wonder if there's anything wrong with me. or could it be tt i'm just being human? (since humans- i presume- aren't genetically engineered to remain seated, staring at a screen of moving colours for extended periods of time). but watever. it shouldn't bother me. it's possible tt i've always done this with every movie i've ever seen and i just don't remember because i seldom see shows nowadays. yes, tt could be it.

it's slightly annoying being stuck at home AND not being able to do things like dance and sing loudly because i have a sore throat, or cook up a feast or try baking something because i have stomach issues, or (other fun things i can't think of right now).

:: Goodnight Moon - shivaree

What should I do I'm just a little baby
What if the lights go out
And maybe and then the wind just starts to moan
Outside the door he followed me home


out of action for a while. guess it's good tt i have to stay in and rest. next week is baybeats weekend so i want to be well rested for tt though prob wont be able to make it for the whole weekend cos of annoying last min commitments.

three weeks from now, i have three gigawigs so it's kind of annoying not being able to practise. esp since i'm currently jobless. but i concede tt being sick always puts me back on track.. the track of imgonnaadopthealthyhabitsfromnowonifidontwannadieof(insert random disease name).

as a result of being a recent homebody, i've watched more movies in the past 3 days than i have the whole previous month. *applause* thank you.

i'm gonna miss my kids. i wonder if 20 years from now, any of them will remember the lessons we had together. just like how i can still vividly recall some of the times spent with my p1 teachers. oh well, guess no point pondering; we'll just have to wait 20 yrs to see, won't we?

in the meantime, i'll busy myself with cutting up more classifieds while waiting for my aed news. got an offer from the HI sch and from my french boy's best friend's parents to teach their two boys. we'll see what the ministry comes back to me with. ideally, i'll be getting paid for training, while working my oddjobs here and there. sounds pretty fucktastic but i really don't want to put my hopes too high. remember what happened the last time things looked like they were going well, amelia? - oh yes, all too cleary.

:: Farewell to the Fairground - white lies

keep on running
keep keep on running
there's no place like home
there's no place like home!

wah shiok.



so anyway, life is ok. i wish i had more time on weekends though. i wish i had more energy on weekdays. of course this second bit could be remedied simply by sleeping earlier. sounds like a bit too much effort, think i'll sidestep and just keep on whining.

stupid and childish parents (not mine) are currently my biggest pet peeves, along with their ever-annoying children. seriously, kids... you CANNOT be stupid and lazy at the same time ok. just choose ONE; don't be greedy. lagi you want to be dishonest but you lack any sort of finesse when it comes to telling lies. stupid, lazy and dishonest- no brains, no respect and no friends. tt's just asking for a life of loneliness and boredom.. which the stupid little brats will attempt to ameliorate by blaming others and by an obscene amount of self-pity (see: the worthless lifeskill imparted to them by their thickheaded parents). for goodness' sake, if you want to raise your child to be socially defective, you ought to at least warn the rest of us. you and your child's incessant whining and delusion are producing a negative aura tt is invading my space and causing me to have a rash. damn yoo! damn you, i say!!

:: Use Somebody - kings of leon


call me swaku but i just only discovered this song last night. ok, i've just swtiched the channel to mtv and maybe this will alleviate it a little bit.

but anyway, fantastic song. i always marvel at how pple can make music tt can convey and evoke such emotion. or maybe it's just me being emo. i mean, songs like deftones' passenger.. the way the music builds up and then plateaus and then hits the peak and then comes down again.. the whole thing.. you dont have to listen to the words (which arent always audible anyway) to think SEX IN THE CAR- shiok sendiri sia. so anyway, be at the esplanade at 7.30 for a setful of fucktastic energy.

gotta figure out how to rush the damn syllabus to cover everything before the term tests. i love my kids.

:: In For The Kill - la roux (in my head)

i forgot to tell you the fantastic things i bought at flea n easy; a white layered sleeveless blouse 5$, a karencarpenter/marieosmond-esque dress for 8$, la roux cd 3$, the gum thief (coupland) and pure drivel (steve martin) 10$ total.

the guy who sold me the books had pretty cool stuff. he said he had shopgirl at home but he wasnt selling tt. he also had jpod but i decided tt was too thick a read for my attention span. we'll see how i do with this coupland first. pure drivel is fucking funny. it's really... pure drivel haha. zehzeh's gonna borrow it after im done.

why are some weekends so fucking packed? it's difficult trying to multitask where meeting up with friends is concerned. i wish it were all like msn- talk, close, talk to someone esle, close, open, talk to another, reply to yet another, take toilet break, strum guitar while catching up with another 3 pple... blablah. wish it were all as do-able vis-a-vis. you'd think advanced technology wouldve found the solution to my terrible time management. ok, so maybe you didn't think so. well i did. so.. ya. back to figuring out how tmr's gonna run.

:: Bulletproof - la roux

in love with this song right now. shiok. we should cover this.

gig today was good. don't mean to be smug but i think the sad little crowd liked us better than the emo-screamo bands tt played before us. tt's the thing bout those indie emo-screamo songs.. they all sound pretty much the same. oh wait, i've just been informed by marcus tt it's call "emocore". haha watever... i don't fancy it, watever it's called.

tmr, zouk flea mkt with karin! and got to call 3 of my kids' parents to make sure the kids are not having swine flu or some nonsense like tt. also on the agenda- mass and meeting up with daddy. jamming.. erm, it's only me loo and terence so we'll see how tt goes. maybe i'll skip tt for flea n easy.

school's getting harder and easier at the same time. the kids piss me off every day but i have one who keeps giving me little gifts. haha my very own fan. got my aed interview on monday. hope all goes well... so anyway, i've made a good friend of one of my colleagues and we have quite a bit in common. which is pretty cool. work is so much more exciting when you have someone there to commiserate with. she used to be in a band too. haha.

"This time baby, i'll be bulletproof."

oh yes, and... KARIN IS BAAAAAAAAACK!

:: Lovin', Touchin', Squeezin' - journey

we did this song today. today's jam was good. despite my learning everything last minute on the bus on the way there. good stuff. i feel so much more satisfied doing just a couple of songs in one session and running out the kinks till they sound good enough. better than aimlessly jamming a multitude of songs till they sound 'just ok'.

we need gigs now. edward was asking me why not consider music as a career. aside frm the fact tt it won't be a terrible reliable source of income, i'm also afraid it might kill the joy of having music as my weekly rec activity to look forward to.

rec aside, work is getting better. the kids are not getting any less naughty but i'm getting better my class planning. it's a step forward i guess. tmr i'll be marking the test papers and we'll see how my class does. haha quite nervous bout tt. i want them to do well.. cos it'll at least tell me i'm on the right track in terms of the way i deliver my lessons. and of course also cos i want them to be able to be proud of themselves. good results will also be a huge esteem boost for the more academically-challenged ones. *cross my fingers*

my throat is burning a bit. pls dont take my voice away again...

:: Blood Red Summer - coheed and cambria

this song next week. can't stand the fella's voice, man.

:: Two Hearts - phil collins

i really should be sleeping. damn you, dropsum, damn you!

terence and i have been bombarding each other with 80s-early 90s songs. see who has the most... though i think i'm losing... haha. wah lau, he's got rick astley all lah. tsk, how to beat like tt.


i take pride in the fact tt, unlike many of the pple who go for mambo nites, i actually know the names of the singers/groups and am able to appreciate my 80s music without having to do a mass dance (but i still did it tt one time i went.. how to resist.. haha). i am the REAL retro kid okkkkkk. i don't need to go for any mambo night watever to know the words to these songs. so there, betches! i think terence should be very proud to be the original cheese man. note to self: tell terence tt he should be proud to be the original cheese man. chaka khan, man.. wah lau. i can't believe i know someone my age who's obssessed with chaka khan.


:: All Right Now - free

it's always nice to find someone who loves the same kind of music as you do.

there are times when i wish i was someone else. living another life, doing different things, having different problems. but then it's pretty shameful when i really think bout how good i've been having it. it's true things could be worse than they are right now. still, i wasn't feeling so good bout my life as i was on the home-bound train just now. i was inundated by everything i have to do at work. i mean it's ok if i was only responsible for myself and if i was more familiar with the kind of things i'm expected to carry out; knowing that 30 little people's futures are in my hands and knowing that i have no fucking idea what to do half the time.. is just not good for my nerves at all. then of course, i was quickly reminded by my alter egos tt i've had gone through far more disheartening times in my life (see: the story of dylan) and soon- with a little added help from rick astley on my zen- i was slowly but surely comforted. right now, i'm still exhausted but not feeling as despondent as just now. tuition tmr... the work never ends does it?

of course, there some things that make my day less horrible. like one of my kids wrote an email to her friend telling her that she was pretty. the other wrote back: "You are pretty too". And then another of my girls told me just before boarding the sch bus: Ms yeo, today in my notebook i write "i love ms yeo". haha. so sweet. such candid expressions of affection. kids.. after everything, how can you not love them?

i still remember the things i did in pri 1, the pple i knew, what they did, how they made me feel... i remember taking it all so seriously. there are things that i have such vivid memories of. and i remember being really bothered when pple treated me like i didn't know any better. i hope i don't do tt to my kids. i guess tt's why i feel so pressured too; what if i do something to offend one of my kids and they remember me forever as tt teacher- "the one who (insert alleged crime against child here)". i should stop brooding over this. bitching is the limit. one week down, 9 to go.

this weekend, i'm going to attempt to have some semblance of a life.

:: Thirty-Three - smashing pumpkins


my last post was #666. haha. just thought it was worth noting. oh well.

today was my third trip to the chiro in the past 30 days. he must be thinking i have a crush on him. especially since i can't stop ahm-chio-ing everytime he contorts me into another position. and then i stand up after each crack and grin and mumble under my breath, wah shiok. and then i tell him i'm better but turn up the following week with a sheepish "erm hi, it's me again.."
so ya, anyway, i found out today tt the reason i can't even put on my underwear or sneeze without cringing is tt i have an inflammed.. something. what this "something" is escapes me.. cos he just said, "it's inflammed". [note to self: ask wat it is the next time i go back there.] had to get soem ultrsound done and electrotherapy too. ultrasound was funny. like being pregnant on my back. hahahaha now i'm just being ridiculous. but tt's why i keep grinning when the dr comes in. cos i'm having all these silly thoughts in my head. i'd share these with him cept tt i don't want to waste his time. it was only today tt he attempted to make some conversation: -"Are you making a trip somewhere?" -"Ah?" -"Your bag says BON VOYAGE" -"huh? oh erm no. hah,"


one thing i find so salient bout myself is my inadvertent lack of cohesiveness.. i'm a 23-yr-old with the mental maturity of a 7-yr-old, the emotional age of a 33-yr-old, the physical wear and tear of a 60-yr-old and the eclectic music taste of all four. and- i forgot- a memory like a goldfish. all adds to the excitement of being alive, doesn't it? hahaha.

in other news, daddy is back. how this will affect me, we'll have to wait and see. though it's gonna be hard to work out any cause-and-effect explanations since every week for me is really different from the last, given my current situation (emotional, financial, job-wise).

jamming on sunday was good. tiring but fulfilling and we recorded ourselves again. time for another painful reality check. haha. can't wait.

i'm feeling quite excited about life today. went a-gallivanting by myself again after tuition. as usual. had cheap chicken rice lunch (yay! save money!) and then checked out the popular at toa payoh. marshall cavendish has some really good picture glossaries and dictionaries. fantastic. if they were like 5$, i'd have bought them but they were bout 11$ each so i'll think bout it. really really nice books though. i think mon petit gars will like them. maybe i should get him one before he leaves. so anyway, i moved on to the stationery section and i got really excited over grey coloured erasers and cute stamps (chop!, say chop!) which i'm thinking might be a good investment for my relief teaching stint.

on the way to the bus stop, i stalled at the pasar hari (as opposed to pasar malam) where i had lots of trouble leaving the toy shop without buying anything. i almost got tt penguin thing where the penguins go up the stairs and then slide back down one by one on the swirly slide. fantastic, those old sch toys. and tt, and some other similar ones only cost around 18 each. and they're way better than all the lame shit they make these days. so anyway, i only had 9$ so i settled for something smaller but no less amusing. next, the knicknack shop- the one every pasar hari needs; combs, cup covers, ashtrays, nailclippers, toy guns, rubber doorstoppers, wooden clothes pegs, plastic crockery and everything else you can and can't think of. i think i spent almost 20mins just walking round tt shop alone. you know what, i should just marry a shop keeper lah. so anyway, having already spent a whopping 1.50 at the toy store, i decided tt i would resist temptation and only get ONE packet of assorted buttons. don't ask why; i shouldn't even need an excuse, really. tried a new bus route today to go home and played with my new toys on the bus. say hallo, please:





haha he was having so much fun dancing on the window sill tt he fell onto the floor under my chair and got me all frantically scratching the grimy bus floor in search of him. but the nice pakcik behind picked it up for me. he smiled at me as he handed it over my shoulder. i wonder what he mustve been thinking but i'm guessing it was along the lines of OMG TT'S THE FUCKING COOLEST TOY I'VE SEEN IN THE PAST 30 YRS. MAYBE IF I SMILE AT THE CRAZY BAG LADY, SHE MIGHT LET ME KEEP IT. well, sorry uncle, not a chance. anyway, when he got off the bus later (the uncle, i mean. not my little dancing man), he smiled at me again. i like the way my weirdness seems to make pple happy. it makes me happy as well. in fact, was soo happy, i was still smiling as i sang along to Lover i Don't Have to Love on my zen. then i thought to myself oh my i think i've really lost it... but hell i'm so happy i really don't give a shit.

so yes, anyway, today stands in stark contrast to the very disconcerting lastsaturday and perhaps we should treat everyday an isolated incident, and our lives as a collective of incoherent isolated snippets from different movies. ok i had it all clear in my head just now but it's not coming out right.

oh, ALSO, as the bus went past where i used to live, some of the blks tt used to be there were gone, replaced by some up and coming condo which i will probably hate the look of but will inevitably get used to anyway. on any other day, i would've bitched in my head bout the deciduous nature of everything on this island but today i felt like this was a metaphor for the way the remnants of my traumatic past would be bulldozed and knocked into oblivion by my renewed heart and reconsituted spirit. beautiful huh? hhaha. fucking romanticism.

19 02: dinner, betches.

Robyn - Be Mine

just like how i saw tt slut wearing tt hundred dollar hat i bought him. in those retarded pics she posted up less than a week after news of my singlehood was unceremoniously broken to me (and everyone else) via facebook. i'm really afraid of wat i might do if i saw him on the street.

anyhow, what a beautiful and ridiculously-painful song.

feeling pretty lousy bout myself tonight. and emo too.

went to church today cos i had to sing. and then dinner with the sat church bunch. but then they were talking bout lavi's wedding and they were choosing bridesmaids dresses and all that. and i felt really left out cos i was the only one there who wasn't a bridesmaid. of course, i only found out i wasn't gonna be one when she failed to ask me to pick my dress frm the bunch of sketches she had. i was actually waiting for her to ask. it would've looked kind of retarded if i went oh i like this one and then make her feel bad bout not asking me because, really, it's not anyone's fault she didn't ask me to be a bridesmaid. i'm kind of like tt half-fuck friend with this group, you know? it's not tt i dislike them or anything. it's just tt cos i'm caught up with vox and other things so i don't see them every week and i don't talk to them in between the few times i go back to church to sing. i guess i don't make the effort outside of my sporadic and random appearances at sat mass to keep up with wat's going on in their lives. nothing personal though.. it's just the way i am with all my friends. so i can't blame her if she thinks i'm kind of tidak apa in my commitment. i just kind of wish the situation wasn't like this because it kind of hurts. and all tt talk bout the wedding made me feel even more sore bout how i could've been getting married in the next two yrs but now i don't have anyone to marry cos my fucking bf decided to.. i can't even continue cos it's just all getting old and talking now doesn't seem to be making me feel better.

it all got me thinking tt maybe i need to be more sure when it comes to committing my time and emotions to a group of friends (and these i have more than i can handle, really). it's the same situation with my rcy friends i think. met up with them for old times sake and now i'm kind of thinking maybe i shouldn't have because i'm not really clicking with them and we don't enjoy the same things so i don't feel inclined to spend much time with them, and i don't think this is a one-sided thing. but at the same time, how the hell do you say nicely "i'd like to pull out pls because this seems to be going nowhere. we each got along quite nicely before this so i think you won't miss me anyway and i'm sorry but i won't miss you much either"?

ohmygod. maybe this is what dylan did to me. and you see? now i feel even worse bout wanting to pull out; what if they really do enjoy my company? i highly doubt it though. not tt i think i suck, but in terms of adding value to the group, i feel pretty redundant. why can't all my friendships be low-maintenance yet still highly-fulfilling? those are the best, really.

i think perhaps i spend a bit too much time trying to do things to keep other people happy.

"how long... has this been going on?"

was just reading up a bit on paul carrack and it has just occured to me why i can never get the names of the bands right. because... this fella has had his vocals on so many different bands' hit songs, and i grew up thinking they were all the same band OR different bands which each had a lead vocalist with an unoriginal voice- a voice like every other singer around tt time. little did i know tt it was the same fucker. haha, oh well. thank you paul carrack for nearly monopolising my childhood musical input. you, and mr hall and mr oates. ya'll.. shameless market spoilers.

:: If You Were A Sailboat - katie melua

too many things to say, too many words to read, too many games to play, too many hearts that bleed. but so little time for all and none.

the other day i was thinking again (this extended 'thinking' period seems to be part of my ritualistic post-breakup healing..) and it's amazing and ridiculous how the same man who told me i was the most important thing in his life could, in such a short time, make me feel like i was the most dispensable thing in the world. it's really painful, that.

not enough time to say all i want to say, notes on random things and all. oh well.

jobsearch.

AHHAAHAHAH fucking hilarious!!!!! check out mr brown's version of Nobody if you haven't already seen it. lovvit

too many things. but csi takes precedence right now.

martina emailed us an interesting link. This could be the future for me: Kazakhstan, the new frontier for English teachers

... or THIS.

wasting time on fb again and then suddenly i spot the mindjolt game dropsum and it takes me back to bunbury. me and dylan made love, fell asleep then woke up at 6 in the morning and spent all our coins at the computers playing dropsum for over an hour. how do you forget these things?

i did the laundry today. i went dwn to buy bread. i haven't done any hmwk yet. i'm losing drive. i finished the last antibiotic today. my throat doesn't hurt anymore and i can pretty breathe easy but i don't have half my voice back. it's my everything right now- my work, my play, my outlet. i quite literally can't afford not to have it for any longer than this. this is really frustrating.

we're almost halfway through this year; is it just me or did someone press the fast forward button? christmas came without warning and everything else followed suit and i feel like i'm having time thrust upon me. i want to attend some arts fest events. i want to go catch free weekend gigs at the outdoor theatre. i want to save up and go to london to visit karin. it all seems so easy to do but i'm not getting anything done.

becoming more independent in my 2nd and 3rd yrs also made me more used to just being by myself and to a certain extent holing up in my room amusing myself, cept when me and the guys were all in the kitchen at the same time or in between assignments. and now i'm back the family's always in the parents' room talking and watching tv togetehr and i'm just sitting out here on my own watching a different channel, living on a different plane, tuned into my own frequency. i never thought tt re-integrating would require any effort at all but 6 months into it, and i find myself still sitting in the living room by myself, not at all compelled to join in the family ruckus. it's a bit sad when i think bout it but it doesn't bother me immensely. if i don't think about it.

i'm rambling again. but random voluntary reflection is much more compelling than lesson planning.

LARYNGITIS. fucking cheebai.

there's so much i feel i need to say today. and in the light of my current condition, i'm glad all tt i feel like saying is directed to my selves and therefore limited to non-oral communication.

i was chased to bed at 9.30 last night due to a bad throat, an uncooperative nose and a dry but increasingly phlegmy cough. martina's husband is apparently being tested for aedes and chikungunya and im hoping to God watever it is i have isnt half as serious cos if it is, then i've probably infected half of spore with it, considering the amount and expanse of my daily intra-country travel via public transport.

i was sitting on my bed deciding how i should go about getting to sleep (it's always difficult getting started on things you're not used to doing right?) when i heard muffled high pitched shouts from outside. it was tt old, familiar sound of mummy's agitated tone. and it gave me tt old, familiar feeling of helplessness, intense pain and distress i used to feel everytime mummy and daddy fought. only this time, it wasn't daddy. and it felt worse because since 9 years ago, i'd been pretty smug bout finally having a peaceful, marital-argument-free homelife. so i went and pressed my ear against the door, hoping tt it was just the tv or tt i'd mistaken hearty laughter for harsh agitated words. sometimes i duno why i have such high hopes when i know it's not all gonna go my way. i needed the aircon on last night so i couldn't open the windows and fill my ears with the comforting sound of cars whooshing up and down the expressway. no more reservoir to look across, no more little car headlights moving along the horizon. just me cowering under my blanket, hands over my ears, trying not to cry myself into an asthma attack. last night was a terrible time to discover that my only ventolin inhaler had expired two months ago.

i woke up this morning with an epiphany thanks to last night's quandary: the thing tt i really dislike about sean other than his placeless humour is tt when he laughs or speaks loudly, his voice has the same frequency as mummy's when she is agitated. maybe it sounds ridiculous, but i don't think it is at all. i'm hyper-sensitive to certain smells and sounds, some of which trigger very specific memories- good and bad. i've mentioned this before i think. sometimes i hear a single random sound and can immediately recognise it as the first note of a particular song. not a skill to shout about i guess, but it's a curious something i'm always secretly proud of. il y a que les saluads qui sont normaux, non?

i usually get chastised by self-righteous pple (ok fine, i guess some are well-meaning...) who think tt my career and life decisions should be more conventionally-pragmatic, so when i do get pple who support me, it's really nice. recently, i took cab back frm class twice and on both occasions(once was yesterday), the taxi drivers expressed their support for my career path. tsk eh don't laugh ok, not many pple know how frustrating it is to sit in a cab and hear someone trash your views on life and career throughout a $25-ride (about 25 mins). sometimes, i don't think it's tt i have a "talk to me cos i'm/you're so bored" kind of look tt gets me into lots of random conversations with strangers.. it could just be tt i always inevitably land myself in such conversation-worthy situations...

my typical convos with a cabby always begin the same way...
- hallo, (insert home address) please.
- ok. you stay (insert neighbourhood) ah? come here so far do what?"
- oh i'm taking a course at this cc.
- (insert home neighbourhood) got no cc to take course ah? how come must come here and take?
- this one is a teachhing course. tampines don't have.
- this course, teach what one?
- (BLABLABLAH)
- why don't do moe one?
- oh.. tt one got bond and (BLABLABLAHBLAH.. too many reasons to state here haha)


after giving up a seat to an old woman, the person next to her gets up and she quickly chopes the seat and quickly motions for me to take it - thanks (smile)
- must quickly sit, otherwise these men will take the seat. nowadays the men like tt.
- haha.. orh.
- sometimes they pretend to sleep you know. so terrible. shameful..
- mm ya.
- (BLABLABLABLABLAH.....)

hahaahaha. but i love talking to all sorts of pple lah. makes me feel like i'm enriching my life experience. occasionally it tests my patience (like this one old man i shared the table with at a hawker centre who told me tt i was very stupid to have gone to an overseas uni cos they all suck and have useless qualifications and besides, why be so selfish to make your parents miss you? plus, only nus and ntu are good unis and his daughter went to ntu and blahblablah... stupid old man.)


i kind of feel like i need to see a docteur but mummy's afraid tt'll result in all of us getting quarantined at the cdc so i'm currently on a parent-imposed home quarantine. good time to get my assignmt#3 done. and ironically, the text i found to work on is bout swine flu. checkitout HERE. so anyway, martina thinks i should get tested for mycoplasma. just a thought: even if i get to choose what it is tt i have, i don't think i would know. i just hope i don't have aids. stupid fucking dylan. i better fucking not have fucking aids, you fucking bastard.

goodness knows when i'll recover from the fear of giving myself to a another guy. dammit. oh, look- i just realised tt almost every paragraph in this post starts with i. *gasp* i think it's a sign, amelia!- every new paragraph of my life starts with me. wah fucking corny sia. ok i think i've just about exhausted my talk time for today. back to working on my swine flu listening task thing.


(i miss going to the esplanade for free gigs.... stupid flu foiled my grand weekend plans. TSK.)

wah how come today's news is having a field day with the nation's hottest mp? haha. yes yes we know he's handsome. i wonder if it's just tt they've run out of newsworthy footage. it's just occured to me also tt over the years, the news on tv has become less and less focussed on reports on car accidents, murders and crimes in general and more concerned with economics, health concerns and overseas political dramas. i guess it's cos we're slowly trying to be more "global" or watever. but i still think they shouldn't neglect the importance of being vigilant against crime. i mean, we don't have to be all "oooooh-terrorist! ooooh-our youth are a mis-guided, stoned, gun-totting lot! ooooooh-don't eat fastfood!" like they are in the US, but i don't think we should limit all our crime reports and warnings to Crime Watch. i never know when they show tt anyways..

oh eh, spore day was yesterday (or today?). wonder if karin went cos i totally forgot to tell her bout it.

:: Never Tear Us Apart - inxs

i have a fantastic idea for a cover of this song. but i can't play my this new rhythm and sing at the same time. gonna have to get the guys to do the playing tmr so i cna figure out a nice way to sing it. porblem is getting them to understand wat style i want since i'm not exactly the best at guitar demos.
marcus wants to do here it goes again. we'll see how that goes. hah.

in other news Grammar Express is like the best fucking book around. super brilliant genius, these esl text writers.

à demain.

i love my zehzeh. she's so clever and she's so funny. and she's like no other and is prob half the reason why i'm as weird as i am. i came back with parents frm church and she was all slouched on the sofa. i sat on the chair beside her and then i realised she was still in her work clothes.

-eh zehzeh. why you never bathe yet? (yah, i'm an esl teacher cos my angmoh is dman power)

she turns to look at me and says with a straight face
-One of life's mysteries.
-ah?
-one of those questions tt will never be answered.


WTF. haha i love my zehzeh. last week we went to swensons cos mummy had some vouchers and when we were leaving after dinner, we walked past the looong queue of pple waiting for a table and zehzeh raised her arm, and moved her open hand at them and then towards the restaurant. she did this several times in the span of 10 secs, while audibly articulating: "deet.. deeet.. deet!"

-ah? wat you doing?
-'Diner Dash'. haha. (some retarded iphone game she's been addicted to)
-HAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAAHAHAA.............

and the funniest part was she did it right in the pple's faces. and she looked so pleased with herself. fucking hilarious.

haha i'm feeling damn fucking laku of late. and it's getting really hard not to feel so smug bout it. i returned a missed call from an unknown number during lunchtime today and when the ringing stopped, i heard an Allo, and i was like uh oh on doit parler francais encore.. i think i should start brushing up my horrible french. cos it was ok for the first 1o mins but then when she started talking real quick bout the details of my lessons, i kind of freaked.

so anyway, seems like my ad has been attracting a good amount of attention at the lfs and this is a real boon for me in the long run but a bit of a bitch to deal with now since as of last week, i had 3 students (totalling 7 hrs of lessons a week) and then over the weekend, tt number more than doubled so after easter, i'll be starting 5 new students (which comes up to roughly an additional 3-6 hours a week). how crazy. i'm so fucking ridiculously blessed. thanks God. now i have to just figure out how i'm going to manage my time and all the lesson planning. and i'm thinking of upgrading my library membership to an executive one (or watever they call it) so tt i can borrow more than the stupid 4-book quota allows.

oh, my teaching practice session went pretty fantastic today cept for one or two bits. (ya, ya... get over it..) haha. sorry ah, just tt... shiok sendiri lah.

but you know, i always get worried when i'm this high up. ive always been afraid of tall places..

i was just thinking bout godma last night cos i suddenly remembered tt i hadn't gone to the old folks home with her to sing to the residents for a really long time. and i felt a bit bad. but now i have tuition on wed mornings so i really can't do it. meh. but anyway, i just received one of those inspirational email things from her and one of the statements in it was (of course, accompanied by some cherubic baby's face, inserted to make you feel inspired or watever): The best vitamin for making friends..... B1

HAHAHA. i think tt's a pretty clever one, no? took me a while to get it. oh well. cute. haha. B1.... hahaa.

oh the benefits of still looking like an adolescent... haha. i'm alone at home and the doorbell rings. the young man smiles: hi are your parents home? ..blablahblah home insurance blablah recent burglary in the area.. pass this brochure to your parents and ask them if they're interested. blablahblah.. we'll come back again... how do i address your parents?

haha. tt didn't take much effort. i got rid of pesky insurance agents simply by having a face tt says "i can't make legally binding decision without my parents' consent". of course, i can imagine the countless situations in which this will work against me but for right now, it's quite funny. on second thought, it might also be the fact tt it's 5 in the evening and i'm at home. but then i could've been a hsewife (which WOULD be legally possible...). and it's also funny cos tt insurance guy could've easily been younger than me. haha. it's funny how much pple assume. maybe i should've told them sorry i can't talk right now, i gotta go pick my son from sch. haha.



i feel exceedingly cool when i like what i'm wearing. it's not tt i didn't already know this, but my good mood on wed seemed to affirm this really strongly and so i had to write it dwn. i guess i was happy also cos my little french boy's mother very proudly told me after tuition tt he had gotten back his report card and he got the highest mark in his eng class. come to think of it, i duno whether she meant he topped the class or tt the highest grade on the card came frm eng. but watever it was, she was really happy and so was he. and then i thought tt it was prob the reason why he'd been so much more talkative during the lesson. i'm so proud of him, my little french kid {:oD i think it really helps tt his parents have a fantastic attitude towards learning eng and going out often to explore spore. and it helps tt they don't have a car so they're forced to take public transport and he gets exposed to more pple than the average expat kid would be. so anyway, in other semi-fantastic news, une madame a vu ma petite annonce au LFS et elle voudrait que je donne des cours à ses 2 gars. chuis pas certaine si je pourrai me débrouiller; g bcp de responsabilité... celta, les autres étudiants, vox, l'église, mon groupe musical qui n'a pas encore un nom.. mais enfin, je l'ai dit d'accord. 70/h pour les deux... je souhaite qu'on habite pas trop loin des autres.

:: Hope You're Happy Now - the sounds

argh!!! these damn fucktastic nordic bands. sometimes i wonder what i'd be like if i were born in scandinavia. anyway i'm loving the sounds now.

oh it's tt earth hour day now, is it? hah. oops. i know it's not tt hour yet but i feel a bit bad still. oh well.

today's jam was fun. i was so excited to jam after not having seen the guys for two weeks that i burst into the studio and, before even putting anything down, shouted: "HALLO! long time no see!!!" haha. i was so happy, beaming like a fool. and we did surprisingly well despite not having practised much and with loo playing without notes. kudos to us {:oD

:: Queen of Apology - the sounds

i'm back on the chain gang.

:: rock and roll - the sounds

as if the next 10 weeks aren't going to already kill me, i've agreed to jam with julius and his friends on a for-fun basis. this is one of their choices. love it. LOTS. {:o) me and the boys should do this too.

"Something sweet and something strong
Seems like love no longer can turn me on
Like the girls in suits and those pretty boys
I gave my heart to rock'n'roll."

mm how titillating.

no more sleeping at 3am. no more waking up after lunchtime. life is going to be quite different for the next 2 months at least. busybusybusy. i hope i don't get anymore new students till after i'm done with this cos i don't think i can handle anymore. i like keeping busy but being suddenly inundated with work and deadlines is not really fun at all. i like learning new things though.

and jamming is still my favourite distraction.

oh ya, perth was good. it was quick but good. like.... i'm trying to think of an analogy..... i can't. oh well. when i come up with one then. didn't manage to meet up with some of my perthlings; hopefully they will come to spore in the future and i can do tt tour guide thing i love doing. i don't like how pple say things like i'm the kind of person they'd imagine would want to migrate to perth. look, just cos i'm unsingaporean in a lot of ways, doesn't mean i don't feel like i belong here more than anywhere else in the world. i love my country for fuck's sake. it's funny.. i find it's the same for loo. he prob seems to pple like the kind of person who'd have more fun in perth but he's not gonna move anyway cos he knows well tt he's gonna miss it here.


i went to the chiro this morning to fix my foot which i had fucked up in perth just by walking a whole day in havaianas. it's not really something healthy pple can imagine possible - fucking up a foot just by wearing flipflops? absolute poppycock! unfortunately i am of (what zac calls) poor constitution and having to choose between health and convenience/style/comfort is one very big pickle i am condemned to be stuck in for the rest of my life. why am i talking so funny? stupid period. want to laugh also difficult. tsk.

would it mean anything if you knew what i'm left imagining in my mind in my mind would you go would you go kiss the rain.

jamming this sunday- yay! gig on easter morning- yay! but cheam will be away- booo. so timmy might be playing for us- yay! in the weeks following the gig, we'll try and build up our acoustic repertoire and maybe start writing originals- yay! i've probably already said it before, but this whole band thing is making me so happy. who needs a bf when you've got a band. hah.

every activity i had today (sat) has exceeded my expectations in terms of enjoyment and satisfaction.

i went for tuition without properly planning my lesson this morning but it went pretty well anyways and i feel like my little french boy is more outspoken in eng now so tt's really good. then i went to little india for voxcam prac and -other than slipping off the pavement onto racecourse rd and bruising and scraping my pasty white freshly-waxed legs and clumsy hands in the process- the pre and post of practice and the practice itself went pretty good. i actually managed to remember lots of my parts. i owe to a miracle + the hour of practice i managed to squeeze in before the actual sectionals. so all in all, it was pretty fulfilling and encouraging too, knowing tt i've still got some potential left where choral music is concerned. nothing beats a good music-making session (and yes, i do mean this in every sense it can be taken. heh). then met up with old rcy friends after 8 yrs of not being in contact. it was ok at first and then awkward and then ok and then it got better as i started to get comfortable in my spot of the couch in the ktv room. honestly, i don't like karaoke much. but there were several redeeming moments in those 4 hours (well it was four hrs... if there wasn't anything good bout it, tt would've been a fucking shitload of time wasted, wouldn't it).

so ya. today wasn't so bad and i guess tt's good. it could've been lots worse. i got an aching hand and a bruised knee and a scraped leg but i think i'll still be able to pull off a dress for my convo, so it's all good.

i probably could stave off emotional disappointment if only i'd stop expecting so much from pple. i wish i knew how. exhilaration seems to be costing a bit more than i'm able to tahan.

oh well. here's to indulgence.

:: Unbeautiful - lesley roy

listening to this on youtube now cos marcus said last mornite tt he wants to cover it. clever marcus.. always picking songs tt ive never heard of but really like (like tt really nice 311 song beautiful disaster). who is this lesley roy girl and how the fuck does she know i felt this way? so many clever pple in this world and i wish dylan was one of them. but tt's over now. it still makes my heart bleed a bit when i see his fb pics. but i have regret squat.

my life is pretty fulfilling right now. i'm essentially doing everything (well, almost) tt i want/have been wanting to do- teaching english (and making my OWN money), practising my french a little bit, taking the celta thing, went to zouk for mambo nite (YES! the curse is broken haha), taking the time to visit museums and places like tt, ironing and vacuuming twice a week, watching free stuff at the esplanade, doing lots of walking by myself, eating less expensive food, being in a band and jamming regularly, getting into choral singing again, doing lots of volunteer/community work. it'd be great if i could keep this up. just need more students so tt i can maintain this OTOT lifestyle.


note to self: send pics to FFTH, make ad to put up in AF.

another note to self: faster go bathe now and try to SLEEP EARLY!!!!!!

:: And So It Goes - billy joel

In every heart there is a room
A sanctuary safe and strong
To heal the wounds from lovers past
Until a new one comes along

I spoke to you in cautious tones
You answered me with no pretense
And still I feel I said too much
My silence is my self defense

And every time I've held a rose
It seems I only felt the thorns
And so it goes, and so it goes
And so will you soon I suppose

But if my silence made you leave
Then that would be my worst mistake
So I will share this room with you
And you can have this heart to break

And this is why my eyes are closed
It's just as well for all I've seen
And so it goes, and so it goes
And you're the only one who knows

So I would choose to be with you
That's if the choice were mine to make
But you can make decisions too
And you can have this heart to break

And so it goes, and so it goes
And you're the only one who knows.


wah cannot tahan, some songs are just so fucking beautiful. and painfully real too. wah shiok sendiri man. one day i will write a song tt makes someone feel the way im feeling right now.
then i'll die happy.

i'm reading my chinese horoscope online and here's a snippet of the advice it gave for my love life:

Therefore, if you are waiting for a better love, you can try their convergence with the United States and the external and the other side not only because of their youth to see your beauty or talent clever and contacts with you, but to really feel each other's right for you only with your contacts. So will vanish before the peach, but true love will come. (from here)


HAHAHHAHAHHAHA wtf right. guess this means i have to move to the US and vanish before the peach (!!!!). tsk tsk, sounds pretty daunting.. wonder how i'll do THAT. doing a houdini before a fruit shouldn't be a problem, but i duno how i'll survive ellis island. hah oh well. looks like i'll have to do without love. ain't it.

seriously though, most of it is pretty accurate. and just need your birth date and time, a little help from Google Translate), and the patience to sync the original with the translation in order to make sense of it all.

thanks karin! l♥ve l♥ve

i was just informed an hr ago tt our vday gig has been cancelled. after i spent half the fucking day in front of my comp with the guitar, trying to figure out which songs to do and wat key to do them in. and after having mummy tell me i should do the more impt things "instead of sitting in front of the computer the whole day with the guitar". mind you, it was half a day ok- HALF. tsk.

i hate disappointments. there should be a limit to these things.

a peculiar, squeaky, scrubbing noise is bouncing off the blocks outside; sounds a bit as though someone is furiously trying to wear a pair of rubber gloves thin in the quickest time possible. after chiding myself for my lack of curiosity, i went to look out the living room window to try and find the source of the incessant squeaking tt's been the soundtrack to the past three hours of my night. nothing conclusive. how disappointing.. except tt i'm too busy wondering why the common corridor lights in the block diagonally opposite mine are a strange glowing-amber tonight. and the air smells hazy and dense, like an imminent asthma attack. what a curious combination of freakish elements. i'm feeling a bit weirded out but not particularly frightened. i suddenly recall tt the brilliant full moon hung low and bright and oversized in the sky when nurul and i were sitting along the river at clarke quay earlier tonight. dubious night.

2.13am. the noise just stopped. now i'm a bit scared.

:: Cancer - my chemical romance


hmm i'm not really into this song. but i'm listening to it anyway cos cheam suggested we cover it and i agreed.

i've had a eventful and productive week so far and i'm pretty pleased with myself {:oD monday morning, went to get my stitches checked and the dentist said they all healed really nicely and it doesn't even look like i had any surgery at all. not tt i had anything to do with tt but i'll take a bit of credit for it since i seldom get to take credit for anything in the physiological arena. wat am i saying? gibberish gibberish. ok, then interview at iseas which i tried my best to be excited about but seeing as to how i hate pr... plus, they said tt if i got the job, they wouldnt give me time off to do my celta. and then i met the currie guys for dinner at kuishin bo (tt i had organised), which was fucking fantastic. haha. jolynn's a lot funnier than i thought. im glad malcolm recommended kuishin bo.

then tuesday.. oh tuesday! i went for my celta interview and they said my application was so strong, they offered me a place on the spot! i was super psyched, since the guy told me tt they don't usually do this (they usually take bout 1-10 working days from the interview to make a decision). and they were really impressed with my lang-awareness task since i was the youngest candidate in tt batch. i'm trying not to be so smug though cos i know it's gonna be a pretty tough course. soo excited though (Wheeee...!!). then dinner at chomp chomp with durga and ravi. good times. got home late and sat in front of the comp for 2 hrs trying to find resources for tuition the next day. thinking up fun stuff to do for a one-hr eng lesson is actually pretty challenging.

went to st.john's to sing for some of the old folks with godma and her friends yesterday, then had my third lesson with eugène in the arvo. you know, i get so much kick out of it when i see him enjoying the activities i come up with. devised some game i called "monster heads" where we each designed and coloured a monster's head and then we took turns describing our monster for the other person to draw out. and then we compared the finished drawings. so he got to practice speaking and names of parts of the face/head; tt was pretty cool. and then after going through the rest of the body parts, we sang if you're happy and you know it. then went to malcolm's place for century egg porridge which was fucking sumptious. babysat his sisters for a while. had loads of good fun, really.

so tt's THREE CONSECUTIVE DAYS OF PRODUCTIVE FUN (!!!!!), which is, to me, gooder than great. i got my teeth checked, brought myself closer to getting a job, discovered two great eating places (kuishin bo and malcolm's hse! haha) and had satisfying meals, got into the celta course i wanted so much, made a bunch of old folks happy, helped a little french boy improve his eng, made money, spent quality time with two sweet little girls. basically: making myself and other people happy, making money. tts wat i call a fantabulous and unbeatable demi-semaine.


just helped mummy chop carrots for her first shot at kueh pie tee. it was not bad for a first attempt. also emailed the cny pics of the kids to jane. paid my fees for celta. just need to email tt iseas to tell them i'm no longer available for the job cos frm march 23, i will be eating sleeping breathing celta. other things on today's agenda: study for driving (blurgh) and practising songs for the next jam.

:: Everybody Knows That You're Insane - queens of the stoneage

speaking of driving, couple of weeks back, when mummy was sick and uncle jeffrey had to take her to chiro and hospital in a cab, i was telling zac how shit i was feeling bout being useless. and he offered to chauffeur mummy to her appointments, which i thought was a really nice gesture on his part. didn't make me feel any less useless but made me realise how grateful i was to have such good friends. and i'm happy tt in my life ive met so many good men. parents' divorce and a couple of bad relationships are not gonna turn me off men.

ya, i think i might be in heat.

haha.. i just realised i spent the whole previous entyr being so excited bout how good today was tt i forgot bout the other exciting news.

i completed and sent in my Language Awareness Task thingy on monday and the british council emailed me this morning to ask me dwn for an interview in feb. i'm a bit nervous bout the writing task they said i'd have to do there cos i don't write well at all under pressure. we'll see. the rest of it looks hopeful. if thye like me enough to ask me for the interview then i guess i shouldn't be tt bad ya?

aunty grace called yesterday arvo to ask bout mummy and she asked what i'd been up to and what kind of job i was looking for and then in the evening, she called saying she had a job for me (!!!!). a french family just moved into her blk and the woman is looking for someone to tutor her 9-yr-old son in basic eng. he's studying at the lycée here and she says he really enjoys english lessons but they're only an hr a day so she needs someone since she hardly speaks eng herself. i spent 15 mins trying to type an sms in french to the lady (because i duno how to change my nokia dictionary to french mode so i had to type letter by letter) explaining tt aunty grace gave me her number and i could call her if she wanted to discuss the job in french but tt she'd have to speak slowly. après d'avoir reçu son 'ok', i called her and managed, in my rusty french, to arrange twice-a-week 2-hr lessons, starting next week. et.. euh les tariffs sont combiens? i was like um.. franchement, g aucune idée. euh........... 15$ par heure? she admitted she didn't know the standard rates either so we'll just stick to 15 first. i know. im a fucktard. why didn't i ask for 30-40?? -->(mummy's quote) or 50 <-- zehzeh's quote. i duno. i'm never comfortable asking or money. esp for something i'm not entirely sure i can handle. we'll see how it goes. the point is I HAVE A FUCKING JOB!!!!!!!!!!!!! Alors, c parti!!!!!!!!!!!!! in your face, betch!!!! HELL YEAH!

:: What is Happening - alphabeat

watching the vid for this song on mtv now and i really like it. i'd lik to cover it. but we'll see how. i just agreed with loo last night tt we should avoid picking songs tt require any vocal harmony to sound good, since we're not ready for tt yet.

i have lots of exciting things to tell. life is picking up but i don't wanna jinx it by declaring tt it's all getting better. i'm happy anyhow {:o)

took mummy to cgh today for her first physio appointment there. i liked today because- so far- it has been filled with nice and kind pple and i like it when pple are nice and kind. the cab driver who took us there was really patient when mummy took a while to get into the cab and when we alighted, he said Happy new year! and tt really made the start of my day pretty cool. then we got directed to the wrong room by main counter staff but the lady ic at tt rm was polite enough to apologise for the mistake and for keeping us waiting and referred us to the right place. mummy told me to go to the foodcourt first so i could decide what i wnated for lunch while waiting for her. but i decided to stay in the end to accompany her. the therapist had a heavy indian accent and mummy kept having to ask him to repeat so i was relieved i stayed cos at least i have more experience with heavy indian accents than mummy does thanks to uni and all so if she needed i could 'translate'. so anwyay, the guy did some stretching for her and i sat and watched as she grimaced trying to manoeuvre herself and i kept grimacing too. how do you sit by and watch someone you love in pain knowing you can't alleviate any of it. the thought of it is so painful. but mummy felt better after all the stretching and so mr india showed me how i could help her with the stretching at home and i then i didn't feel as bad.

we stopped outside tt qiji place cos mummy wanted the mee rebus frm there and i left here in the wheelchair outside while i went to draw money and when i got back she told me one of the aunties working inside came out and offered to order food for her. what a sweet lady. i went in to pay and she made sure i got the mee rebus no chilli and directed me to the counter to pay cos i was looking a bit lost, tt being my first visit to cgh in the last century. while walking out, i got blocked by this big guy in front of me and i stood there waiting for him to pass and then a jolly old man walking in the opposite direction looked at me and remarked "you should sound your horn!.. because the man is blocking you." haha. he smiled and i smiled and said it's ok i can wait and went out and related tt encounter to mummy. is it just me or is today being really good to me? on the way to the taxi stand, we stopped at the weekly cgh fruit stall and bought lots of stuff and the helpful stallkeepers taught me exactly how long to store the avocados for and helped me pick out some nice mangoes and chikus. i like fruits. and i like helpful fruitsellers even better. {:oD

having faith in the goodness of the world doesn't always make me happy but i know tt at least sometimes it does. don't we all like it when things turn out like we anticipated? and i like it even better (sometimes) when things are not wat i expect. i didn't think today would suck when i woke up this morning (yes- BEFORE noon. miracles do happen..), but i wasn't expecting to be showered by a jolly does of niceties. it feels good. being drawn to things i don't expect is probably why i like to hang out with pple like edward and loo; they always say things tt tickle and keep me wanting to hear more. if having something to look forward to this much makes me a sucker, then tt's wat i'll be. i guess i feel an affinity to pple who seem to treat happiness and contentement more as an aim and not just as a by-product of life.

so anyways, i came home and made an attempt at a frittata tt donis taught me how to make in ottawa. i miss tt fella. anwyays, it turned out not too bad and i had it with ketchup and swedosh meatballs with leftover steak sauce tt aunty june brought over yesterday when she made us lunch (she bought us goodies for tea as well, after taking mummy to and from the chiro). after washing up, i hung out the towels to dry and then prepped pesto prawns and honey-soy chicken for dinner. what a fun-filled day. it's days like this (and yesterday, when i couldn't stop smiling while in the wet market and supermarket) tt serve as affirmations tt being a hsewife is indeed my calling. and i'm not even trying to be funny, if you think i am. hah. i'm just really comfortable in this skin. {:o)