weather has been alternating between crazy-hot and emo-chilly. well... i guess some variety is good, no?

thursday, finally met with the whole band after daaaaaaaamn long. had fun hanging round in cheam's room. today, finally had our xmas jam at boon's and it went pretty well. the best jam sessions are the really productive ones.

you know i thought i'd be free during the holidays but it seems tt i'll be fucking busy. stepping up on the tuition, volunteering with sch camp and the mv event. and then more jamming. and more jamming. and then some xmas meetups here and there. gah!! there's never enough time, is there?


reading this right now: The Ever So Strange Animal Almanac

i like stuff like tt. tt, and stuff like the MBTI personality test.

having my lunch of vegetarian rendang with leftover rice now. totally loving this shit, man. everyone's gone downtown and im just parked in front of my comp in my pyjamas watching random stuff on tv and listening to the emo chinese music frm the funeral downstairs. sounds like something out of those chinese period tv series. at my funeral, i want them to play zhi3 yao4 wei4 ni3 huo2 yi4 tian1. just for kicks. and then i want vox to do Prayer of the Children.

late late night last night. drunk cousins and supper at tiong bahru and drunk cousins. did i mention drunk cousins?

my self-esteem has been floating somewhere in the negative range the past few days. wake up in the morning and feel like i want to crawl into a hole in the ground and stay there. fucking pms. i hate how pple think pms is just a figment of women's imagination. i can tell you it fucking is NOT. cos i don't do any counting; as soon as i start feeling as down as i did yesterday, i know it's coming. dammit. so angsty. so anyway, the red sea came today and the washed all the blahness away. tt's prob the only great thing bout getting my period- no more pms.


on the brighter side, tim has gotten me a lobang with some fella he says is über-talented- better than paul ponnudurai, he tells me. so i'm dying to have a jam with this guy. he apparently wants a vox to do gigs with but i can't commit now for obvious reasons. tsk... fate had better have a bloody good excuse for this terrible timing. maybe he will offer me a chance to be his friend-with-benefits. then future days like this one, where i am all alone at home with nothign to do, at least i'll have someone to do. do i sound desperate? i'm not. .... tsk. oi. stop it. i'm not, ok.

ok, moving on to the frosted cupcake now. mass later. something tells me i'll be late- oh dear. haven't been jamming since forever and i'm starting to lose momentum. no no no.......

does watching me eat turn you on? or are these pigout sessions instrumental in your devious plan to have me for xmas? thinking bout this makes me uncomfortable because i want nothing more and nothing less from you than wat i have now. how to break it down?

:: Bad Romance - lady gaga

i'm addicted to this video. there seems to be this whole eastern promises cum cher cum marilyn manson thing going on. anyways, today sch was slack. good thing actually, since i only had something like 5 hours of sleep. i know- it's so ridiculous how i'm so adamant on keeping such unhealthy hours, knowing full well i have to wake up early. welwelwelcome to my world, won't you come on in. (miracles, i guess, still happen now and then)

Lady Gaga - Bad Romance

there's something so bizarre and addictive bout this video and this song. i like how it's quite eurodance-like.

i think my writing here has gradually become fairly esoteric over the yrs. not tt it matters tt much. but i guess with a job like my current one, this is how i should keep it.


oh, i forgot to mention, i love having the baby around. i think we all do. this is probably not a universal rule, but in my hse, having babies around always makes life a bit more bearable for everyone. it's like, babies have no pressure to be existential or anything like tt. they're just there cos pple like them there. maybe tt's why they know they can be all diva-like. wow i'm wishing right now tt i were somebody's baby too.

:: Bless This School - (the voices of my little rascals in my head)

ok so here's the lowdown, amelia: i've been fucking lazy at work recently. i dunno why. i hope it's not cos i'm losing momentum cos i think it's waaay too early in my this career to be going down. it's tt one article i've got to do. everytime i think of having to complete it, i'm reminded of why i chose teaching over anything masscommy.

so anyway, almost exactly one year ago, i logged onto fb to find myself dumped by the man i thought was the love of my life and the one whom i had envisioned myself spending the rest of my (sex)life with. it seems likea really long time ago. still, i'm grateful for the kind wishes frm all directions. my flatmates, my old friends, my not so old friends, a distant relation.. it made me realise how many pple i actually knew in my life and how many good impressions i mustve left (at least good enough for pple to want to say kind words to me in my time of despair, despite our dearth of communication up till then). tt was nice. i hope i could find it in me to do the same to someone when the need arises.

last week, regina brought up something tt made my guts curl up in shame. i know i have a bit of an ego but sometimes i let it get the better of me and then i just wanna slap myself for being so self-absorbed. how are you going to say anything comforting when you don't even notice it needs to be said, amelia? shame on you!


in other news, i've been blowing all my weekend tuition money (135-180) on taxirides and food. as usual. tsk, i'm just doing my bit in feeding the economy ok! and this is good, no?

(i am just thinking of other random shit to blabber on bout so tt i can avoid tt damn article.)

right, so... all this contact with dysfunctional/non-functional families at sch and all has been prompting me to try and recall wat i was like in sch when mummy and daddy were "not on good terms". mummy always told us we could tell pple tt if anyone asked. which was good i guess. actually it's damn good. the worst thing you can do to a child is tell them tt they're not allowed to tell anyone tt their parents are breaking up. like as if it's something the child ought to be ashamed of. TOTALLY cruel. just cos your marriage is dysfunctional, doesn't mean your kids have to be.. unless of course, you insist on bringing them up tt way. then i think you need to be smacked real hard.
how did we even get to talking bout this?

so.. moving on.. the extremely short (yet seemingly long) hiatus in attention i've been receiving made me feel a bit empty. and slightly (just slightly) insecure. and i had tried to take preemptive measures (such as telling myself i was just being delusional) just in case this were to happen. but it did happen and i wasn't ready for it. but i never am, am i, Am? so... what do you call it when it seems like you both seem to need to see each other every week?


haven't jammed in a while and it's beginning to feel normal- not good!!! what happened to the withdrawal symptoms i used to get? i should be cold turkey by now. oh man. cmon.. don't lose momentum now..