fucked up my french class test. i walked home, feeling cold and lousy. lay in bed and had involuntary fantasies of stabbing at my wrist with a butter knife. i cried cos it was painful just thinking bout my cartilage snapping at the pressure of the blunt metal edge. and then a dj saved my life.
lidong's planning where to go next yr. i'm excited for him. and for karin. after all this, everyone will be getting new jobs and what not. maybe a marriage cert, maybe some kids. then meno/andropause. then retirement. then goodbye. one. by. one. there's so much i want to do. i want to make love, kids, art, music, cakes, a living, a trip around the world, it, and everything else in between.
what's holding you back? what's holding me back?
if you're lucky enough (or unlucky enough, depending on you), there'll be a time or times in your life where you reach an invisible quota on good friends. there're still those himynameis,what'syours times with new pple you meet but it never goes further than tt. you keep old good friends but don't bother to take up opportunities for new deeper friendships. problem is, we don't all experience the same point of our lives at the same point in time. so i could have retired when you just start lookin for a good friend in someone. and so if we keep this up, we could be going in circles. just a thought.
went to see evermore at the octagon with michelle. the way peter hume moves those legs, it makes me want to take my clothes off for him. you can't get any sexier than tt, no. got me evermore briefs (signed!). supporting act the exploders was good too. then michelle slept over. twas all good.
Friday, May 26, 2006
winter is here. and i'm nearly freezing tonight. possibly due the to drastic weather (or perhaps hormonal) changes, last night i suddenly felt inclined to get creative and do something terribly artsy.
Child Psychology
'I could wait.'
i guess this means goodbye to one of my white-stationery-elephants.
:: In The Cold Cold Night - the white stripes
Child Psychology
'I could wait.'
i guess this means goodbye to one of my white-stationery-elephants.
:: In The Cold Cold Night - the white stripes
4.03 AM, 24 May Wednesday
lidong promises to visit me. i hope tt'd be soon. like this yr maybe?
R u on the phone? Love. Dad
Going to bed. Call u tmoro. Love. Dad
it's always been awkward between us.
i suddenly feel like eating popeye's chicken.
i'm finding it increasingly difficult to get out of bed in the mornings (and in the afternoons too). pms?
i had a good cry just now.
i have a feeling i should be doing a little studying than i've been doing.
where is all this time going?
it scares me to know tt i only get one chance in any particular moment in time to do any one thing. i don't really know where i'm headed sometimes. how bout when i die, will i know by then at least?
it's been a while since i slept after the sprinklers come on. oh horror.
sometimes i get angry. very very angry. then i cry and cry and cry. well at least i don't miss crying, then.
Winter is cold and bitter, chill us to the bitter...
too long to far from home...
:: Full of Grace - sarah mclachlan
8.34 PM, 24 May Wednesday
14-16 july. 21st bday celebration or baybeats? party or gig? party or gig party or gig party or gig? arrhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!! why oh why?
lidong promises to visit me. i hope tt'd be soon. like this yr maybe?
R u on the phone? Love. Dad
Going to bed. Call u tmoro. Love. Dad
it's always been awkward between us.
i suddenly feel like eating popeye's chicken.
i'm finding it increasingly difficult to get out of bed in the mornings (and in the afternoons too). pms?
i had a good cry just now.
i have a feeling i should be doing a little studying than i've been doing.
where is all this time going?
it scares me to know tt i only get one chance in any particular moment in time to do any one thing. i don't really know where i'm headed sometimes. how bout when i die, will i know by then at least?
it's been a while since i slept after the sprinklers come on. oh horror.
sometimes i get angry. very very angry. then i cry and cry and cry. well at least i don't miss crying, then.
Winter is cold and bitter, chill us to the bitter...
too long to far from home...
:: Full of Grace - sarah mclachlan
8.34 PM, 24 May Wednesday
14-16 july. 21st bday celebration or baybeats? party or gig? party or gig party or gig party or gig? arrhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!! why oh why?
Thursday, May 18, 2006
NOTES:
1.23 AM, 8 May Monday.
Dry cereal.
my right eye has been twitching for the past 24 hours. maybe it doesn't like being awake? just like how most pple harbour secret contempt for eating cereal dry. i got yewjin to help me find child psychology and real love which i lost when hard drive did a houdini on me. then i fell asleep with my bed covers which i haven't washed since i got here. every now and then, something will come along and goad me into that familiar feeling of sinking into myself. it's like tt when i listen to those songs. like oh world, fuck me so i can be one with you. i am inadvertently hippie i think.
10.12 PM, 13 May Saturday.
i'm on my way out of a bout of sulking. i realised tt of late i've been appreciating my alone time. i can't remember- was it like that in singapore? if it was then maybe this is just me feeling more and more at home with where i am. asian studies on confucius due this coming friday.
ok wait, sidetrack! if today is thursday, how come pple call the coming mon 'this mon'. doesn't tt refer to the monday tt just passed? doesnt this mon belong to this week and next mon to next week?
anyway my point was (and i am coming to it, yes) tt i seem to know more bout the general elections than on confucius. i am quite so fucked.
i'm trying to consciously avoid the things tt have made me feel ways tt i don't want to feel, and to do the things tt i know will make me feel like how i feel like feeling. i wonder what im trying to feel by being indifferent.
i always wonder at what point of life a random someone is at. is this a dull time for him? are she at tt point in your life when you wish things would just stay the same? is it tt point of time when you're discovering what you really want for yourself? what were you doing when i was going through tt crappy time in my childhood? not tt i'd expect you to know when tt was, but were you wondering bout me? i think this happens when i recognise a younger me in someone else. then i start to wonder. and, and what if pple looked up from their own lives and, as they enter another part of their life, waved at the other pple moving in the opposite direction. it would be like escalators. yes, just like tt. escalators.
i notice everytime i call lidong i keep hoping he won't sigh like he so worried when i tell him a problem i have. it doesn't help me, or anyone else for tt matter. in fact, it fucking pisses me off. don't get me wrong, i love my bf. i love the way he loves me. i like it tt we're opposites in lots of things. i like tt he sends me home. i like it tt he's not another me. maybe sometimes i like it tt i have more to lose in life. BUT i just hate it when he sighs.
just now i was on the brink of crying but i'm not really what about.
i'm going to attempt to read The Analects tonight. is lidong's xbox party tonight?
i feel like eating the indomie perisa ayam panggang tt i bought the other day.
11.04 PM, 13 May Saturday
:: Svefn-G-Englar - sigur ros
i feel like watching a good film right now but assignmts call out to me like banshees. piss off, i say. whaaa whaaaa , they reply. oh the dynamics of uni life.
2.26 AM, 17 May Wednesday
i think my nose is menstruating. for the past few mornings i've been digging up bloodied nose shit (from my nose, duh). now at first i thought it was only like a one time thing, like maybe too heaty or something. but then i JUST dug out bit of coagulated blood and it suddenly occured to me tt something might be not quite right. at first i thought a mosquito might have died inside my nose. then i remembered tt my period is late. so here's what i conclude: i've not been drinking enough water so my womb must have dried up, leaving it no choice but to expel blood vicariously through another orifice.
1.08 AM, 18 May Thursday
les devoirs? c'est quoi?
... le subjonctif le subjonctif le subjonctif - pfft! j'en ai marre! je veux seulement tergiverser. je veux que le temp passe plus rapidement.
create your own visited country map
or check our Venice travel guide
kway chup, ice limau halia, teh masala, tempura don, lucky plaza / kampong chicken rice, chai tao kway, bandung, PS bakchor mee ta, crystal jade jingpaijiya porridge.
7.29 PM, 18 May Thursday
Clarence from my french class called me this morning. how you going for the presentation, he asks. erm i'm fine. he has a problem, he says; someone followed his father home last night and stabbed him in the back of the head. Oh SHIT, i say.
yes, shit shit shit shit shit..
it's things like this tt make you wonder if your own problems can seem any more inconsequential.
1.23 AM, 8 May Monday.
Dry cereal.
my right eye has been twitching for the past 24 hours. maybe it doesn't like being awake? just like how most pple harbour secret contempt for eating cereal dry. i got yewjin to help me find child psychology and real love which i lost when hard drive did a houdini on me. then i fell asleep with my bed covers which i haven't washed since i got here. every now and then, something will come along and goad me into that familiar feeling of sinking into myself. it's like tt when i listen to those songs. like oh world, fuck me so i can be one with you. i am inadvertently hippie i think.
10.12 PM, 13 May Saturday.
i'm on my way out of a bout of sulking. i realised tt of late i've been appreciating my alone time. i can't remember- was it like that in singapore? if it was then maybe this is just me feeling more and more at home with where i am. asian studies on confucius due this coming friday.
ok wait, sidetrack! if today is thursday, how come pple call the coming mon 'this mon'. doesn't tt refer to the monday tt just passed? doesnt this mon belong to this week and next mon to next week?
anyway my point was (and i am coming to it, yes) tt i seem to know more bout the general elections than on confucius. i am quite so fucked.
i'm trying to consciously avoid the things tt have made me feel ways tt i don't want to feel, and to do the things tt i know will make me feel like how i feel like feeling. i wonder what im trying to feel by being indifferent.
i always wonder at what point of life a random someone is at. is this a dull time for him? are she at tt point in your life when you wish things would just stay the same? is it tt point of time when you're discovering what you really want for yourself? what were you doing when i was going through tt crappy time in my childhood? not tt i'd expect you to know when tt was, but were you wondering bout me? i think this happens when i recognise a younger me in someone else. then i start to wonder. and, and what if pple looked up from their own lives and, as they enter another part of their life, waved at the other pple moving in the opposite direction. it would be like escalators. yes, just like tt. escalators.
i notice everytime i call lidong i keep hoping he won't sigh like he so worried when i tell him a problem i have. it doesn't help me, or anyone else for tt matter. in fact, it fucking pisses me off. don't get me wrong, i love my bf. i love the way he loves me. i like it tt we're opposites in lots of things. i like tt he sends me home. i like it tt he's not another me. maybe sometimes i like it tt i have more to lose in life. BUT i just hate it when he sighs.
just now i was on the brink of crying but i'm not really what about.
i'm going to attempt to read The Analects tonight. is lidong's xbox party tonight?
i feel like eating the indomie perisa ayam panggang tt i bought the other day.
11.04 PM, 13 May Saturday
:: Svefn-G-Englar - sigur ros
i feel like watching a good film right now but assignmts call out to me like banshees. piss off, i say. whaaa whaaaa , they reply. oh the dynamics of uni life.
2.26 AM, 17 May Wednesday
i think my nose is menstruating. for the past few mornings i've been digging up bloodied nose shit (from my nose, duh). now at first i thought it was only like a one time thing, like maybe too heaty or something. but then i JUST dug out bit of coagulated blood and it suddenly occured to me tt something might be not quite right. at first i thought a mosquito might have died inside my nose. then i remembered tt my period is late. so here's what i conclude: i've not been drinking enough water so my womb must have dried up, leaving it no choice but to expel blood vicariously through another orifice.
1.08 AM, 18 May Thursday
les devoirs? c'est quoi?
... le subjonctif le subjonctif le subjonctif - pfft! j'en ai marre! je veux seulement tergiverser. je veux que le temp passe plus rapidement.
create your own visited country map
or check our Venice travel guide
kway chup, ice limau halia, teh masala, tempura don, lucky plaza / kampong chicken rice, chai tao kway, bandung, PS bakchor mee ta, crystal jade jingpaijiya porridge.
7.29 PM, 18 May Thursday
Clarence from my french class called me this morning. how you going for the presentation, he asks. erm i'm fine. he has a problem, he says; someone followed his father home last night and stabbed him in the back of the head. Oh SHIT, i say.
yes, shit shit shit shit shit..
it's things like this tt make you wonder if your own problems can seem any more inconsequential.
Wednesday, May 10, 2006
you know those annoying ubiquitous Slurping Ape t-shirts? i'd like to make a brand new one- Swashing[bloody]Ape - exclusively for naik-atas pple who don't understand the concept of turn-taking. rest assured, the shirt will be one-size-fits-all-heads and will suit all occasions (see: Grassroot Ramification Contests, Pre-Aggrandizement Parties etc). it will also warn others of the imminent barrage they will encounter should they wish to express an apparently aberrant opinion.
blablablabahiamsocleverbecauseiamolderthanyousoblabalablabalabaaaaaaanononoletmefinishwhatiwanttosayeven
thoughimyselflovetointerruptppleblablaahablahblahbutnonowhatmakesyouthinkiamsombongproveitblablahhmmm
mandatemandateblablaunfoundedisayblahblahblahihavecometobringyouenlightenmentandinstructyouinthewaysofold
blablablaaahblahblabberblabberblabber.
wah lau, i geram sial.
blablablabahiamsocleverbecauseiamolderthanyousoblabalablabalabaaaaaaanononoletmefinishwhatiwanttosayeven
thoughimyselflovetointerruptppleblablaahablahblahbutnonowhatmakesyouthinkiamsombongproveitblablahhmmm
mandatemandateblablaunfoundedisayblahblahblahihavecometobringyouenlightenmentandinstructyouinthewaysofold
blablablaaahblahblabberblabberblabber.
wah lau, i geram sial.