Sunday, October 31, 2004

i suddenly feel stupid for the previous entry. it's ok, i always have mr brightside to comfort me. oh i loooove tt song. so now CSI isn't the only happening thing in the fertile valleys.
stupid zehzeh just asked for my blog address. i hate the way she and her friends are being so lame and childish bout the whole blog thing. all her friends' blogs are sites documenting the things they do every day, accompanied by photos of themselves doing stupid things. i have nothing against tt, i just feel it's inane. when she found out recently tt i had a blog, i told her it's not for her to read. then she said why? you scared i laugh at you right? . i realise tt i may come across as pretty spastic for taking my blog so seriously but pple set up blogs for many reasons and mine certainly does not include telling pple bout the things i do everyday to amuse pple and posting my lousy photos so tt pple take my pictures and load them on sggirls.com .

i don't want to go bout passwording my blog or doing all sorts of things to prevent anyone frm reading it. it's not vrey hard to run a search and find anyone's blog, really. but if zehzeh finds this, i don't want to know. i'm gonna buat bodoh cos i just don't want to know ok. i said i don't want to know.
listening to: Mr Brightside, the killers

andrew couldn't watch Before Sunset with me so i called rima out. there's no real reason i didn't call anyone else (as opposed to andrew or rima); i guess on some days, i just want to see certain pple or no pple. tt's just it, really. it's cool tt i can be so honest and comfortable with rima and vice versa and ironically it's probably cos i haven't seen her in a long time or haven't had sufficient memories of her to draw a picture of her personality and vice versa. and when there are no previous strings, it's easier for me to be honest and uninhibited. ditto with uncleparty.

i'm glad tt the tix for the show ran out so we had to go eat dinner instead. two reasons: found out mummy bought the dvd frm bangkok when she came back last night and talking over good food for 3 hrs is better than watching ethan hawke. yes, it is.

today was 80s weekend on class95 again. yay.

i did some blog surfing again and was reminded of how bloody small the world is. very very very small. friends of friends are friends of my old friends who are friends of my new friends.

i think zehzeh's friend nigel likes me and zehzeh'z dropping really big (and annnoying) hints. erm ya ok, watever lah. lah. lah. lalalalalalah.


listening to: The Song That Doesn't End, lambchops and charlie horse


Friday, October 29, 2004

mummy just called frm bangkok and told me to sleep early. she says hse bought more bras for me and i retorted tt she shouldn't even bother. i always tell her not to cos all the bras she buys frm there never fit me anyway and then she'll complain tt i never appreciate the cheap bras. they don't fucking fit, mother.

woke u late for work today then i accidentally bumped my head hard on the doorframe getting into the cab. as i sat in the middle of a jam in loyang and all i wanted to do was cry myself to sleep.

tues, i got to the bank 10mins after it closed. how the fuck was i spposed to know tt neighbourhood banks close at 4fucking30? i couldn't go home. i was so angry i'd have concussed myself. got on a random bus which happened to be 69 heading for bedok. i took note of the route through my tears and soon got to thinking bout how it was lucky tt i'd borrowed 2bucks frm jermaine on sun. one small bedok interchange goreng pisang costs 60cents. i did the maths and the outcome made me happier and gave me something to look forward to. i wasn't stable enough to handle another bad thing happening so it was fortunate tt the stall was open. i savoured the oily thing as i stood spectator to an rjc couple making out at the mrt platform in the sky some distance away.

after this, i walked round and got all nostalgic and i calmed down. walked round bedok central and i wanted to hold the walls and kiss them and hug them and stroke them. i will reserve tt till i'm old and i can walk round bedok without bra and talk loudly to myself and do zany things, all while excusing myself as just another crazy bedok auntie.

i owe my weight gain to eating less often and not exercising. no typo there - i did say less often. cos it makes my metabolism slow dwn and now i'm more prone to putting on weight. i can't afford this- i'm too poor to buy new clothes. better start getting scrawny.

till late nov, my services will be employed by spore's flagship airline at Hanger 2 on Airline Rd (see: ulu corner of our stupid island 'hub'). past 2 days consisted of encounters with an indifferent photocopying machine, colleagues with BA/engineering backgrounds (thus, the bad english and cold humour), loads of invoices. interesting things today include the following data entered:
'actuator le flap'
'crank assy'
'screwball assy'


yea... i mean like, wat the fuck SIA.

Tuesday, October 26, 2004

Jigsaw you, jigsaw me... into a places we can't forget

we're all good at something - for some it's soccer or gym, or playing an instrument or doing handstands underwater, or it could even be telling lies. i would like to think tt i'm good at singing- no wait, i don't want to settle for tt. it's not tt i don't think i can sing; it's just tt there are more than a million things tt we - me, you and you and you and myself and everyone - could possibly be good at. don't we want to know?

bumped into uncleparty at PS last friday; hmm, talk bout coincidence. the new pple i've been meeting lately all seem to remind me of pple i know; i just can't quite figure who reminds me of who. but everything seems so familiar lately.

i lost my atm card you know. i guess tt's a push in the right direction for my campaign.

i saw About A Boy just now and i'm surprised i really liked it. it's just different and honest like a coupland book and after it, all i wanted to do was smile and jump bout (nvm the knees). maybe i'll pick up the book on my next visit to bk rental store.

yesterday i watched Universal Blues perform again. wow, just wow. i've never especially liked the blues (partly because i don't really know wat the blues is) but there's always something bout good live music (oozing with amazing talent) tt forms a feel-good bubble round me, and so for those few moments, the funky blues floated my boat all the way up to cloud nine. and there i stayed, till the unremitting drizzle brought me slowly back down.

maybe i don't want someone who'll be mostly looney and ungrounded like me after all. how bout someone who'll let me be and yet love me the way i will him? yes please, tt'll be nice.

i wonder how many shades of emotions there are and if i've felt them all already. when i'm dying (let's say my death isn't instant and unexpected), i won't want to ask myself this question if i know it's gonna be a no. maybe it's my compulsive aspect making a cameo but i reckon it'd be majorly annoying to leave this place with an itch unscratched.



listening to: There Are Places I Rememeber, the beatles


Friday, October 22, 2004

being at home all alone is one of my favourite ways to erm... be.

there was an article in ST LIfe today on local bands. hmm. ok. i checked out some of the sites tt were working. RONIN is pretty good. hmm.

going for the press preview of Clean for UrbanWire later on. hope it's good.

check out: Engrish.com. brace yourself for the hilarity.


listening to: Revolution, ronin

Thursday, October 21, 2004





You've gotta hope that there's someone for you
strange as you are
who can cope with the things that you do
without trying too hard

Cos you can bend the truth
till it's soothing you
These things that you're wrapping all around you
you never know what they will amount to
If your life is just going on without you
it's the end of the things you know
Here we go

You've gotta know that there's more to this world
than what you have seen
cos we all have a limited view have a
of what it can be

As we move along with our blinders on
each one of us feels a little stranded
and you can’t explain or understand it
Each one of us on a different planet
Let’s stall the to and fro
Someone could say hello
Here we go

Feeling that someone really gets you
That’s something that no one should object to
It could happen today
so I suggest you skip your habit of laying low
It’s the end of the things you know
Here we go

Cos someone can say hello, you old soul
And so, here we go



(Here We Go, jon brion)




I'll sing it one last time for you
then we really have to go
You've been the only thing that's right
in all I've done.

And I can barely look at you
but every single time I do
I know we'll make it anywhere
away from here

Light up, light up
as if you have a choice
Even if you cannot hear my voice
I'll be right beside you dear

Louder, louder
and we'll run for our lives
I can hardly speak I understand
why you can't raise your voice to say

To think I might not see those eyes
it makes it so hard not to cry
And as we say our long goodbyes
I nearly do.

Light up, light up
as if you have a choice
Even if you cannot hear my voice
I'll be right beside you dear

Louder, louder
and we'll run for our lives
I can hardly speak I understand
why you can't raise your voice to say

Slower, slower
we don't have time for that
All I want is to find an easier way
to get out of our little heads

Have heart my dear
We're bound to be afraid
Even if it's just for a few days
making up for all this mess.

Light up, light up
as if you have a choice
Even if you cannot hear my voice
I'll be right beside you dear



(Run, snow patrol)
i didn't watch the episode of Get Real tt andrew mentioned (bout blogging and stuff), but frm wat he's mentioned, i agree tt it's so lame how pple take it so seriously. i mean i am serious when i write bout wat i feel and stuff but wat up with being socially conscious? aiyoh i got nothing to say already. other mundane stuff: blablablah-blurgh..


You say you want diamonds on a ring of gold
You say you want your story to remain untold
But all the promises we made
From the cradle to the grave
When all I want is you


listening to: All I Want is You, u2


- just saw another dwnldd episode of Freaks and Geeks just now. i like tt show, you know. i like lindsy cos something bout her reminds me of myself.

- been talking to uncleparty. hallo, uncleparty haha.

- christmas is nearing and i can feel it. remember wat happened round last christmas? i love the way the air smells and sounds of year-end drizzles and tinkling bells and choral voices. i love the feeling of christmas.

- i scored 17/20 for french oral exam today - yay. unfortunately this didn't involve anyone's tongue examining anyone's mouth but i'm happy nonetheless.

- uncle peter has sold his pub. tt means no halloween celebration there anymore.

- frm next wed, i'll be working as an admin assistant at SIA. $6/hr is good for a temp job so yay.

Monday, October 18, 2004

From the wrinkles on my forehead
to the mud upon my shoe
Everything's a memory
with strings that tie to you

In my dream i'm often running
to the place that's out of view
of every kind of memory
with strings that tie to you

The change is taken place
and i no longer do adore her
Still every god forsaken place
is always right around the corner

Now i know it's either them or me
So i'll bury every clue
and every kind of memory
with strings that tie to you

oh and every kind of memory
with strings that tie to you



listening to: Strings That Tie To You, jon brion

Friday, October 15, 2004

it's another relaxing day at daddy's house, to starkly contrast the uncomfortable (yet enlightening) yesterday. spposed to be studying for massina exam but screw tt lah huh.

went dwnstairs to the newly renovated commonwealth mkt for lunch after eating an over-toasted waffle for brkfast. ordered nasi padang frm an unfriendly makcik and tt irritated me a bit. my teh halia had a bit too much halia so i went to drink some chinchow and then i was happily reading the newspaper when suddenly and mysteriously, the words "my blody unfucked arse" popped into my mind and it wouldn't go away till i used the phrase. uncleparty was just unlucky to be the first one to kena. haha sorry. pls dont go back on your job offer.

i found a brochure for murdoch U frm the fms yesterday and je suis en train de la lire. and i'm now actually considering varsity (pls note tt i am still looking for tt rich dying man) but i wont study media and i'm not going cos i wanna study; i'm going cos i need a change and i wanna try going overseas myself.


yesterday's cucuks:

cucuk kecil #1:
kaylene has not called me regarding ms thong's wedding. i promised to do a solo and i won't go back on it.


cucuk kecil #2:
karol was being real cranky like she was on monday and she was unjustifiably mean to durga. no thanks to karol for tt.


the cucuk besar:
it has come to my attention tt i only have 500 in my savings acct. so yesterday when i went out with karin (after a long long while), i restricted myself to only buying one underwear set and my long-awaited french/english robertcollins using my kino french-bk-only voucher.

i realised tt i've become something of a rich brat and i hate it. i long for the times when we were less well-off and i was less materialistic and we only went to restaurants on mummy's payday or when kind relatives would treat us and i was no less satisfied than i am now. i won't say tt having more dough has changed me as a person (in my case, tt kind of change is due other stuff). i long for the me who was satisfied even when i only had small change in my wallet. so it was a good lesson for me and a motivation to get off my unfucked pantat (there! i've said it again!) and get a job.

but alas, carelessness was in the air yesterday and i managed to misplace 44 frikin dollrs (which, i must add, could have been avoided if only the stupid np atm machine hadn't run out of 10$-bills). i know it's not much considering i'm capable of spending 60$ at sch bazaars but i'm still puzzled as to how my money dropped out frm my pocket. i was too distracted taking dwn the title of a new coupland book to notice. i retraced my steps frm taka lingerie departmt all the way back to kino but... nada. it didn't help tt i was already having dizzy spells the whole day and things kept bumping into me (walls, floors, steps, chairs, pple and even the towel rack at karin's hse). but then i told myself tt this was a good surprise start to my Be Poor, Stay Happy campaign so i felt not so bad but was still dizzy. an even better consolation was tt maybe someone was praying real hard for well-intended cash and i had unwittingly answered their prayers. now the deserving person will have money to pay his/her mother's hospital bill or something. yay! i just hope no one uses my 44 bucks to buy a gun and shoot at pple. tt's just not nice.


ok, moving on to media in china and m'sia and CRC findings on ESRB... tsk.

Wednesday, October 13, 2004

Last night's post (cos blogger screwed up):: adjourned mugging.

Channel i is gonna show benny and joon at 10pm, wed. Today they showed Agnes of God. Good movies; good for them (channel i). I like channel i’s shows. it's too bad I hardly watch tv.

t'was a weird day. Woke for lunch and spent many hours transferring files from my computer to my new laptop. Then ended up watching Talking Cock again. dunno why every time I transfer files I end up watching it (the last time was when I reformatted). I turned on the tv (can’t believe I actually did) and caught some of under one roof. then i realized tt dzool reminds me of uncle yusof (zaibo) frm under one roof and I laughed out loud to myself.

After din, finished putting in the last of my 1 and a half k of music files. sat around and then went to central to get zehzeh’s diving photos and settle some receipt at challenger. Then I stopped by cash converters. Was quite crowded but I instantly fell in love with the place. I’ve been in there before but not by myself and never at night. And something bout being by myself among lots of old things was exhilarating. In their huge cd collection, I found mark owen, whigfield, 3T and the like. Guitars – didn’t see the small kind I was looking for though there was one electric tt was spray-painted yellow and green and blue tt caught my eye. When I get my own place next time, I will fill it with old school everything, with the help of cash converters. Yay. I will buy up all their 1$ mugs and tt 6$ flask I was eyeing.

I wonder why I live in the past. I’m such a nostalgia junkie and i stubbornly refuse to move on; just like how I’m using my laptop now but insist on keeping my grungy, green oldish keyboard docked on so I will never miss the sonorous dancing of my fingers on the clickety keys. I refuse to use the laptop keys – they’re too soft.

At bout 7 this evening, there were at least 500 birds – crows and swallows – frenetically sweeping bout outside my window, creating a bit of a ruckus in the sky between the block and the expressway. Cheep cheep chirp caw caw caw. It looked like they were having a war but I think maybe they were catching insects. anyway I looked away for a moment and when I turned back to look out the window, all I caught was one disoriented swallow flapping away. Capricious chirpers.

Other (exciting) news: it's official - I've decided tt i am going to marry rufus wainwright.


Today:: "A little bit stronger, a little bit thicker, a little bit harmful for me."

i must tell you,... i want to smoke. ah-hah amelia! i told you, didn't i? tsk ya lah, i know you did. it's the only change (and an obvious one at tt) tt i haven't made in my subconscious revamp and it really sticks out the way my overlapping lower teeth used to before i got braces. it's like i don't mind but then i do. i know this is corny, but i feel like one fag is all i need to become a full-flegded decadent.

listening to: Forever And One (Neverland), helloween

Saturday, October 09, 2004

"Between grief and nothing I will take grief."

... and i know it's a good day when i don't feel like i have to choose.

i'm feeling relaxed and woeless right now. and tt's good. the latest songs i've dwnldd so far are all shiokenaden and i'm all right with the world.

i saw my first marilyn monroe film today (Some Like It Hot). it's ok i guess; quirky a bit. then called karol and durga out to eat cos zehzeh(who's diving in dayang now) told me to check out da paolo's at holland v and the sale at the mall there. bought a dress, a pair of jeans and a halter top for just $50. the three of us spent more than tt amt on food. but it was good and we became tipsy and light-headed from the air of relief and italian smells. the result was drunken renditions of Guns n roses and joni mitchell and three dog night and church-y songs(among others), loads of stomach-racking laughter and the usual speculating the reasons we three are single.

i called daddy to tell him i was going over to stay tonight but when he picked up the phone, there was another man at his place and daddy didn't seem to want my company. i've always suspected daddy was bi or gay. i'm still a bit annoyed at his reaction to my call but i guess it was good i went home instead and tt i took the 77 route cos i bumped into sherrie on the train.

i'm glad i bumped into her. i was feeling rather tired and blurgh and it was nice to have someone to talk to for at least 16 stops. and since i don't know sherrie well, we had a lot to talk bout. it's refreshing to talk to someone who doesn't bitch and tt's all i need to make my already good day/night better. say it with me: serendipity.


sometimes we don't like pple and then we go find out bout tt person so we have more things to say bout them. so then we forget to think bout the pple whom we don't hate so much. but i guess those pple are less impt simply because good isn't worth talking bout huh.

i haven't been reading much even though i have a lot of books i'm halfway through. i've been eagerly taking in words amidst drifty sounds. quaff quaff:

songs from Les Choristes
gin blossoms songs
from russia with love, matt monro
we might as well be strangers, keane
natasha, rufus wainwright
(wainwright wrote this for natasha lyonne who acted in But I'm A Cheerleader)

Friday, October 08, 2004

listening to: We Might As Well Be Strangers, keane

it makes me so sad, listening to this. but i'm masochistic so it's ok.


I don't know your face no more
Or feel your touch that I adore
I don't know your face no more
It's just a place, I'm looking for

We might as well be strangers in another town
We might as well be living in a different world
We might as well...

I don't know your thoughts these days
We're strangers in an empty space
I don't understand your heart
It's easier, to be apart

We might as well be strangers in another town
We might as well be living in another town
We might as well...
We might as well... be strangers, be strangers

For all I know of you now...


Tuesday, October 05, 2004

hallo. i have been away for a long time i see. so i didn't resolve the connection crap but i'm gonna switch to singnet broadband soon so it should be fine by then.

andrew, i'm sorry to disappoint you. i also once thought i understood you well, but i'm getting wiser and trying not to make unnecessary assumptions (such as assuming tt i am clever enough to make assumptions) bout you, or anybody for tt matter. i couldn't help but feel embarrassed but i will learn to deal with myself. but i think i understand you more than most pple do... if tt's any consolation. i also dont like it when pple anyhow blurt my blog address and my secrets so i know how it feels, but i'm just really proud of the way you write. but i wont be giving it out no more, don't worry.


i want this book: how to be HAPPY, dammit by Karen Salmansohn


saw it in the newsrm this afternn. we went round sch in geraldine's car to distribute copies of hype today. i envision myself the next colin goh (the guy who talks cock)... i think. hur. quick someone, spot me. i am witty you know. ehhhhhhhhh.

i have ambitions. the last actdir project and script i did for scriptwrit have convinced me tt i should go into scriptwriting. ok. i'm just relieved the sem is nearly over.

i finally got down to waxing so i could go for karol's sister's pool party. feels good to swim and for the first time, i actually treaded water and ventured to the deep-end. i am becoming more confident in the water - yay. i feel like i'm going through puberty again; the awkward feelings, the guy-watching, the wondering if i'm really lesbian, the irregular periods, the Godless-ness, the occasionally fluctuating esteem. i wore a dress today.

hier: saw a movie with mich chan then we discussed stuff tt amuses us over pasta and potato salad. then i walked bout by myself and i concluded tt the great thing bout being alone (i don't mean single, i mean alone) is tt i dont have anyone to feel awkward around except for myself.

i played another tune just now on the piano and in my head. and i wondered if i could inspire someone to write a nice song tt would have the same effect on pple tt good songs have on me.

listening to: Ghost of You and Me, bbmak