i'm not sure why i keep throwing myself into the twilight, just to float in my melancholy. if i could, i'd rid the ones i love of their pain. if i could, i'd save you... and you... and you... from all the hurt and pain. everytime you hold something in, a bolt loosens in your brain. and then bit by bit, you'll lose it, and then you won't be able to think so well anymore. i hope shana doesn't grow up to be as troubled as me, or worse. i want to take the pain away for her, the way no one really managed to do for me. this is like reliving it over again, and i still feel helpless.

you probably think i'm full of angst. well, maybe i am. oh you won't understand. tell me it's ok cos the tears aren't enough to wash it away.