i want to talk bout how i've been feeling during the past few days, but i don't want to cos i don't feel like remembering it now.

i cannot seem to remember many things lately. i cannot recall wat happened in class today. i cannot remember how i felt at any point before this. only tt i didn't like it. i have this feeling tt i'm disintegrating. maybe in a few days time, it wouldn't be wrong to say tt i am obsolete.

i'm looking for Life. Life, the curious journey; not Life the definitive noun. Life, not as opposed to Death, but as opposed to non-Life. no, this is not psycho-speak. it is merely the word of me, i who feel so wizened and full of horrid torpidity.

Could the cure possibly be in the words sex and candy?

the sunset always knows how to say it to make me feel better, or at least make me forget the things i don't need to remember. maybe we are connected, me and the sun. i'm afraid i've run too far from the past to ever feel it again. but the sky tt day was speaking to me. it sucked the soul out of me and made it dance. torpidity take over and i have no you no me no nothing at all. tt evening, the sky whispered to me like a poet; a psycho-analyst poet who knew how to make me feel. then i had to leave. it's always like tt. it's always like tt.

the idea of not waking up at all is very appealing. wouldn't you choose death over non-life too?