i forgot what i wanted to say. i remember there was a time when i was younger tt i wanted to live in a boathouse. then there was another time i wanted to be a chef. i also wanted to marry a member of the backstreet boys. there was a time i wanted to be a vet. i suddenly thought of all this when i passed changi ferry point on the way home. not tt any of this is of any relevance to me to you to me to you.

i am hornier than you think. i'm also a lot meaner and vainer than you think. and i've killed more times in my dreams than packets of tissue i've bought.

i've not been very happy in a while. i almost can't remember how it feels. now is like eating organic food - all healthful, natural tasting, with no risk of disease and yet, my stomach is unsatisfied no matter how much i eat, and it groans and a-hankers for just something to pique it.

once in a while, i think for a moment -when kenny walks past me and grabs my hand for a fleeting moment and utters my name, when andrew rehashes anything frm the times we had or when he makes me laugh the way i remember he used to, when a stranger on the street gives me a second glance- tt i might be finding the way out of this organic shithole. i feel extremely desperate and cheesy. ugh.

for a while, i've been wondering why i never got to know any of the pple in my neighbourhood. is it them or is it just me? i know it's me. recently, i've had two pple reiterate tt i create my own opportunities. and suddenly i am conscious of how unapproachable i can look and the equivocality tt can be read off my face. in a spontaneous and slightly lame attempt to alleviate this tt i perceive as negative, i took a trip to wholivesnearyou.com. one last hurrah, please.


i long to be as cool as you. how cool does tt make me? i'm obsessed.


listening: Gummy Bears theme song