i got home at 2 this morning after literally singing my way home. didn't wnat to sleep on NR so i sang to through the end of my 1 hr busride and while walking to my block. i wanted to turn to the malay guy sitting beside me on the bus and ask him wat he was doing out so late. So... why aren't you at home? i would say. i've always wanted to do spontaneous stuff like tt. like the time i saw this guy in the sch library wearing the coolest pair of pink sunshades and i wanted so so badly to go up to him and say how much i love it. but i didn't and it annoys me tt i always stop short of pleasing myself. yes i get some sort of perverse pleasure out of doing stuff like tt ok.

i was at coffee club talking and eating with rima. it always seems like we have so much to say and our conversations just never end. i like tt sometimes. yea it feels good when pple take an interest in what you have to say.

i got off 132 near wheelock and went toilet then floated into the sea of pple and caught bits of the christmas lightup. when we were a family of 3, mummy used to drive us down to town this time of yr just to see the lights. passed indochine and the band was good. donc, there were lots of non-patrons who stood outside the restaurant just to listen to them. i want to sing at places like tt - al fresco, with a casual yet classy atmosphere (so i don't have to doll up like if i sing in say, a hotel lounge). the only problem now is tt i need someone to provide musical accompaniment. if anyone is interested, let me know. cos i'm quite serious bout doing this shit. strolling slowly to coffeeclub, i was wishing the walk would last forever and serenity filling my head would never go away.

frm Han's karol and i went in search of a bus stop with a 132. we missed the stop and ended walking all the way at bukit merah interchange. it was valentine's day and we had stopped there and gone into ntuc to buy sushi for lunch. then we took another random service on which you made me cry, and then we ended up at toys r us. some memories are just like invisible tattoos. memories aside, karol went home and i to town.

rima couldn't meet me till later and durga was asleep and sounded a bit angry when i called so i begged karol to follow me to the 'gig' (i already told joshua i'd be there and i know how it feels to be played out so i wasn't bout to do tt to him). we bumped into gordon there, who proudly thanked the roomful of youths for coming to attend the 'service'. Service?! did i fucking hear you correctly? why hadn't i previously noticed the large print on gordy's shirt: WORSHIP. yea, oh fuck all right. well at least we were now sure bout the dubious nature of the 'gig'. joshua performed ok and the music was not bad, cept tt karol and i weren't too enthusiatic bout the whole context. when the last song ended and the stoned children were asked to move up front for the rest of the service, tt was when we took our leave.

i have nothing against religion and pple being extremely god-fearing/-loving; i'm just not religiously-inclined right now (or as andrew once put it- 'for organised religion'). i don't want to say all those things without believing a word. i just go to church now cos i believe tt there is a god (whom my parents and a lot of other pple believe in and love) and the least i could do is inspire pple with my gift of outstanding god-given vocals, even if i don't believe everything i hear in church. maybe one day i'll find it in me, the faith to believe. but right now, i'm just not feeling it.

karol and i agree tt joshua looks good with his new 'do and tt we would actually find him sexy when he's singing and doing his thing on stage... if only it wasn't all so god-oriented. but i guess the world needs holy pple like tt just to countervail the blasphemous lot (see: karol). you know wat's amazing? i think alicia's relationship with her bf ian is so amazing. i know it sounds lame but it just amazes me how she who is (or perhaps was) not very god-friendly, and he who has such faith, are so in love.

random note: my second cousin lyn's new husband looks like tony leung.


i have many friends. but i guess the person i have the most in common with is probably karol- frm physicality and disposition to certain uncannily-similar childhood experiences (like tt 'propeller' incident we both had in pri sch). i thought bout it yesterday and i realised tt our relationship is a safe one; it's the kind of relationship where you roughly know how the other person is gonna react and you can be sure it isn't too far frm the familiar. maybe it's cos we're both leos? watever it is, it's good. at the same time, i'm glad my other friends aren't like tt. life would be so totally boring.

i'm happy for jing and her newfound, bagpipe-playing love (paul). she's a beautiful person inside and out and she really deserves all the good stuff she's getting. love you jing, and have a safe trip back here. ben also recently found love for the first time (at the ripe age of 23) and i'm happy for him cos he's a good person too.
what comforting testimonies of justice in the world.


listening to: I Used to Love Her, gun n' roses