i just finished reading liy's latest entry. and i am very touched and feeling sad and calm and filled with bittersweetness. then suddenly Jewel's you were meant for me starts on my winamp playlist and i think to myself, How apt. and i could suddenly remember clearly how i felt when i first learnt how to play and sing this song.


it's been a tumultuous and grossly uncomfortable past week, but the crimson tide (along with all it entails) has finally ebbed and i feel undeniably better. on tuesday liy was doing up a little scrapbook for rizal to take with him to aceh and she was just smiling and smiling as she did it. it could've been tt i was all too eager to find an escape frm my lousy days, but i think it was the unadulterated love for rizal and her candid expression of it tt drew me in and i found myself grinning along and basking in her glowing joy. and i felt genuinely happy.

i've always been slightly impressed by her testaments of love for him in her every blog post. but today's last 2 paragraphs were something tt i could relate a little more than remotely to. this makes me reflect on how i've slowly begun to live my life vicariously through others since i've pretty much resigned to my current state.

shit... now it's celine dion's It's all coming back to me on play. woah crazy shit, this random play thing.

karol and i knocked out at canteen one, with the sun shining gently, the breeze running through our hair, a yr2 dj playing some good old stuff.
towards the end of photojourn, kim fainted in the stuffy chemical-filled darkroom. so wayne sent her and me back. i appreciate his concern (and i'm not saying this just cos i got a free lift back). my very first contact sheet will be ready tmr and i'm excited.

doing my doc pro final on Kristang and i'm excited bout it cos i've always wanted something to do with it. i think the weather is giving me a sense of contentment. i'm tired and the work has started to flow in.

i guess it's almost common belief tt a lot of pple who are very sad cover up their pain by being funny. as a funny yet pained personality, i have to disagree a bit because i'd like to think tt we funny pple are a little more honest than tt. it's not tt pple consciously act funny to avoid coming across as unhappy, but rather, after being pained it's much easier to spot funnies in the things tt others take for granted.

listening to: The Scarlet Tide - alison krauss


last night or the night before, i was recalling to julius the time (some time last yr) when i was feeling really depressed at work over some perpetual loserly issues tt often haunt me and i drew a storyboard for a poignant film clip, and i felt better already. it comprised shots of a girl (whom i of course imagined to be myself) dancing round her room which was contained in a small apartment block on a small street. she'd be smiling and high frm the music then she'd fly closer and closer to the window, climb out and fall 3 storeys dwn onto the pavement downstairs, landing with a graceful thud. her demise is greeted by nothing more than the dark lonely street. she lies motionless and smiling; hers is still the only light on in the block and her music the only sonance. i drew this out on the said day at work and then i felt happy because i had written such a pretty story. who doesn't want to die happy and without the burden of the knowledge tt her death will affect anyone?

i feel tired now but not in a sad stupid way. the weather is causing me to yearn for love. the smell in the air smells of young sweet love tt seems a bit familiar to me. look at the time now, it's past 2 already; and perhaps i need to be awake less.


listening to: Fake Plastic Trees - radiohead