i'm fucking pissed with myself and with just now and with everything. i wanted to fling myself out of the window. i wanted to be selfish, i wanted to hate the world and make sure everyone knew tt i did. i wanted to let myself go and leave evrything behind. in my head i could see how lidong would try to knock sense into me but i won't budge and i'd selfishly loosen my grip and just go. i'm so much vainer than you think and i'm full of myself. i just want to feel good and i want to hurt myself to feel good. i don't want to be comforted by anyone's feeble words. won't you wave me off when i make my last hurrah.