sometimes i wonder why i let myself be so emotionally volatile.

i don't like being told to stop doing something tt i never even do. i don't like being wrongfully accused of doing things i don't. i find myself having to defend my actions (or non-actions) a lot of the time because pple don't bother to get their facts right. like how mummy used alleged tt i will drink water halfway then offer it to someone else so i don't have to wash the cup. if you don't want the fucking water, i'll take the offer back; you don't have to make stupid assumptions bout my intentions. i just had the habit of overpouring and i didn't want to have to waste the last bit of water. but of course no one ever thought of tt. then one day, aged 12, i was walking by myself past a classrm with a lesson going on and a noisy bunch of girls came and walked past me and the teacher came out of the classrm and insisted tt ALL of us stand outside her classrm until we had enough sense to apologise for disrupting her lesson. i told her i wasn't even walking with them in the first place but the bitch would have none of it. and God forgive my idiotic self for just allowing myself to stand for the next 20 mins outside the class with the noisy girls while the bitch went back in to wait for our apology. then finally she came out and asked me if i was with them. like fuck, NO, BITCH. if you had any orifices on your stupid head other than your motherfucking mouth then maybe you could have heard me say NO the first fucking time. RRRRGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHH. why am i so angry why am i so angry why am i so angry why am i so angry why am i so angry why am i so angry why am i so angry why am i so angry why am i so angry why am i so angry why am i so angry why am i so angry why am i so angry why am i so angry why am i so angry why am i so angry why am i so angry why am i so angry why am i so angry. tonight, i've been accused of playing catching in the floor corridor. i know it's so petty. i know it's so stupid. but everytime rae and karol do it, i tell them to stop disturbing pple and karol tells me it's not her fault the walls are thin. and now i'm being told tt i am so noisy because i play catching. something tells me i shouldn't be making this fuss but help me cos i'm so exasperated. i find myself sitting in my rm with the music floating round me, sophie's world sitting on my head, hot tears rolling down my face. why am i so angry why am i so angry why am i so angry why am i so angry why am i so angry why am i so angry why am i so angry why am i so angry.