fucked up my french class test. i walked home, feeling cold and lousy. lay in bed and had involuntary fantasies of stabbing at my wrist with a butter knife. i cried cos it was painful just thinking bout my cartilage snapping at the pressure of the blunt metal edge. and then a dj saved my life.


lidong's planning where to go next yr. i'm excited for him. and for karin. after all this, everyone will be getting new jobs and what not. maybe a marriage cert, maybe some kids. then meno/andropause. then retirement. then goodbye. one. by. one. there's so much i want to do. i want to make love, kids, art, music, cakes, a living, a trip around the world, it, and everything else in between.

what's holding you back? what's holding me back?

if you're lucky enough (or unlucky enough, depending on you), there'll be a time or times in your life where you reach an invisible quota on good friends. there're still those himynameis,what'syours times with new pple you meet but it never goes further than tt. you keep old good friends but don't bother to take up opportunities for new deeper friendships. problem is, we don't all experience the same point of our lives at the same point in time. so i could have retired when you just start lookin for a good friend in someone. and so if we keep this up, we could be going in circles. just a thought.

went to see evermore at the octagon with michelle. the way peter hume moves those legs, it makes me want to take my clothes off for him. you can't get any sexier than tt, no. got me evermore briefs (signed!). supporting act the exploders was good too. then michelle slept over. twas all good.