i find it difficult to love people who love me. i find tt i only love that which i know i cannot have. tt's the way my body feels; tt's the way my mind feels. i have to make an effort to miss people and i guess this may make me seem a little heartless, but i'm not going to lie.

one day everyone who loves me will realise tt i am truly heartless in the way i am and tt i am not inclined to be otherwise, and they will leave me. and they will leave me be. the only problem will be tt it will be undoubtedly hard for them.. and tt i might not be inclined to care much.

then will come the day when i will be deprived of this much and then we'll be back at the start; where i cannot have anything and anything is what i'll want.

how did we get into this mess?