woke up half an hr ago from the motherfucker of all fucking nightmares. i was actually half awake long before but i couldn't get my eyes to open and i couldn't move. all there was was noise and familiar faces with unfamiliar feelings. quelle horreur. where's amelia?, i could hear them asking outside. i'm here, i'm here!! but the only sounds i could make were the screams in my head. i couldn't even scream in the dream. quelle horreur. could be the result of today's sporadic drinking, though i find tt conclusion a little dramatic.

:: Mademoiselle of the Morning - gris gris

i showered and went to the bbq downstairs for dinner. washing hair before a bbq- is it tt obvious my mind isn't in the right place nowadays? then jack spilt red wine on my jacket and my jeans, which i then washed with white wine. then it got chilly and i took sips of beer and red and white frm alfred's cup. laugh laugh laugh hee hee ha ha.

this afternoon, i lay on the grass like the silly angmohs i laugh at who perch their kiddy pools and splash bout in the quad. three of us, aaron me alfred. brought my asian studies reader down but the only success i had was at occasionally reminding myself of my distaste for beer. as evinced in the preceding paragraph, this success was limited only to duration of the tanning session. pointless spiders.

forced myself out of bed at 7.30am to prep for intercollege athletics. donned daphne's fbt get-up to trick myself and the general population into thinking i am in fact very sporty and fit. hur hur. rushed down for brekky and then realised tt the meet was starting only at 10.

i'd like to think of my time spent here as character-building. mm.