it's funny. not haha funny. i've been feeling a bit out of sorts but not depressed so it's not too bad. oh yes i've just been reminded it's easter. happy Easter, everyone. i haven't spoken to lidong properly for like more than a week i think. we can't get our schedules right. he doesn't sleep so late anymore, or if he does, he's not at the comp; i don't have much time before midnight and before 3am anymore. and i've been feeling like we're out of touch lately and i wonder if he feels the same way.

my appetite is getting better but still very erratic. i still feel nervous when i eat. maybe i'm secretly afraid of getting fat.

:: Good Time - counting crows

went to aunty pl's hse for easter lunch and met some distant relatives i never knew i had but who look awfully familiar... as usual.

i'm beginning to wonder when lidong and i will ever find the time to talk. everytime i msg him online and he doesn't reply my heart drops a bit. but at the same time i've got this feeling we're not gonna have much to talk bout. what will we be doing five mths frm now, more than 17000 kilometres apart?

this counting crows album is nice. makes me emo. emo crap. i wanted to go dwn and look for alex and the freshies in the blue rm to see what movie they were watching but there was no one. it was only 4 in the morning. no one in the games rm either. where is everyone? i took a nap just now. when i woke up at bout 2am, i couldn't find anyone. all i could hear was the mix94.5 i was blasting. it was like a potential bad dream- like those i remember all the time. i walked up and dwn the corridor, up and dwn the stairs and put my hear close to the doors to check for sounds of life. nothing. found some pple in kelvin's rm but not the pple i was looking for in particular. oh no this reminds me of the time i woke up in primary 1 or pri 3 at 7am and no one was home. no zehzeh, no mummy. of course, this was a weekday so mummy was sending zehzeh to school but i didn't realise this. and daddy- he was never anywhere near, i'm not sure where he was at this time in my life. we didn't know of hps then so i just walked round the hse looking for someone. picked up the ph but didn't know who to call. looked out my window at the cars below and waited and waited. and 15 yrs later, i'm still sitting here crying. it's funny, hey? but i got no cars to watch, no sound of wheels and sight of lights in a distance to comfort me. no no, no selfpity. just bad memories rehashed.

lidong just called. this might be a good thing. laters.