van houten chocolate powder, chocolate nougat cream and classic vanilla ice cream.

it's a good thing lidong's in queensland now tt we're not together. cos i just went to striP for a wax the other day and we both know i can't control myself with him. oh well. tough shit, amelia. haha.

zehzeh graduation this coming afternoon and she's still out playing mahjong. mummy and uncle jeffrey are celebrating their anniversary at conrad tonight. i'm thinking of not going to church again tmr. familiar smells, familiar pple, familiar feeling. ugh.

i need to buy my bloody ticket soon and apply for my bloody study permit. what a drag. i realised i spent almost 24 hrs since i got back trying to find a cheap ticket online. i'm not very good at this travelling thing i think. i need this i guess. it'll do me good yes?

did i tell you i don't have a job anymore? the manager said can can but then a week later he messages to say oh the boss said two mths is too short. tsk, well thanks for telling me after giving me false hopes and making me wait.. i was really annoyed and disappointed. just sent my resume to ben&jerry's. hopefully i'll get tt, and the one at cathay so i can watch some live music. 2 in 1.

ce que j'ai déjà fait ces vacances:
- regardé un dvd (curse of the golden flower)
- eu quelques repas japonaises
- vu un film au cinema (surf's up) et un francais a l'alliance (une affaire de goût)
- cherche un job (cherchant toujours)
- sorti avec lidong
- sorti avec karin et mes amis de currie hall
- allée esplanade pour regarder des musiciens
- acheté les tickets d'un spectacle (dim sum dollies)
- lu le journal (un peu)
- mangé a crystal jade
- fait beaucoup de shopping et des promenades
- rendezvous avec nurul et vien et les BCs

tous cela dans moins qu'une semaine. pas mal, amélia. ah oui, merci.

i got an mp3 player cos my 'qool' one spoilt during the essay week. new one's frm creative. and i purposely left the plastic wrap on cos i wnated to try to keep my things properly for once. but the bloody fucking plastic ended up scratching it rather than protecting it. i'm fukcing pissed with myself cos my two-day-old mp3 player looks a fucking yr old. very disappointed with you, amelia. stupid fucking idiot. i hate disappointing myself.

daddy called me yesterday to ask me to organise a family bbq. why don't you just ask zehzeh to do it? unlike her, i am actually looking for a bloody job. and i spend half my fucking time trying to find a cheap flight to save your money.

daddy told me the other day, my work is getting more and more stressful.. always so tired.
me: retire lah. (daddy is 60 next yr. he doesn't look it but yea he is)
daddy: no lah, i don't have enough savings how to retire.
me: zehzeh and i going to work next time what. you worry for what?
daddy: no lah, tt is your own money.

i am very disturbed. daddy is always like this. this is why he's always so unwilling to spend money on us. everything also complain too expensive. he only wants to save money for himself. for someone who earns 8k a month, i really don't see how you could have not enough money to retire. pple who earn much less cna do it, why cna't you. how much money you need then you happy? ya but i have to pay income tax and all. these things also need money. so? only you pay ah? everyone else no need to pay is it?

if you give or had given selflessly, i wouldn't hesitate to donate a third of my pay every month to your retirement fund. but you're so concerned with wanting to have a comfortable retirement, you don't even know how to share and to enjoy yourself. how sad is tt. if you suddenly die tmr, what use will all of this be? all for nothing; you wouldn't get to enjoy it. it's not tt i want your money. i just wish you weren't so self-ish.

daddy gave me 2000 AUD to put into my westpac acct as emergency money (hospital bills, watever) and i'm using tt money to collect interest. when i told him and i asked him if the 2000 was for me to keep, he was like huh... you want to keep it? fine then, i don't want your stupid money. keep it. if you told me you wanted to give it to pple who don't have enough to get by each month, i'd say take it. but if it's for your stupid retirement, then i feel insulted. it's not like i' so irresponsible tt i won't support you when you're hardup on cash. i'm not like you. i hate this. i hate myself. fucking mp3 player with all the scratches. i hate looking at it. if the scratches accumulated from use, i wouldn't hate it cos it'd remind me of how well it served me. now it's just ugly. i hate myself for trying so hard but screwing it up. fucking selfish father. i hate you for your the way you expect so much from us but give so little. i called back home when i reached daddy's hse the other day. then daddy said why you're with me also must call back to say you reached? like he was offended. she's my mother, she's worried for me. wat if the car had gotten into a car accident? you just think she doesn't trust you. you never think that she does it cos she loves me? stupid. maybe if you had been around more instead of wokring your butt off to save for your fucking retirement you'd understand how it's like to be a parent. why am so angry why am i so angry. i feel like killing someone.