i suddenly feel a bit embarrassed even though there's no one around. i'm just done sobbing from watching the end of Snow Falling on Cedars. not cos i don't get to feast my eyes on ethan hawke's hotness anymore but because i really felt so sad.

yesterday zehzeh was telling daddy bout the training course tt her company sent them all for (the pr company she's interning with). and i was listening half to her and half to the cheesy instrumental cd tt daddy put on in the car. instrumental version of dancing queen featuring the saxophone. reminded me of my orthodontist in orchard last time, and perhaps of a hotel lounge. and then i thought of miss swan in the gay bar. haha. then i thought of disco dancing and how i'd like to go for classes and maybe during the next holidays i can go learn with alex since he's the only guy i know now who's interested as well (interested in dance, not me).

then for some reason i remembered the time lidong and i tried to hide behind the letterboxes dwnstairs and make out but then some guy came along to check his mail and it was extremely awkward. such endearing memories. punctuated by the instrumental version of you were always on my mind (featuring what else but the saxophone). i thought to myself oh, willie nelson! hah cute old man with long grey hair and the lok-kok guitar. but then i realised i couldn't possibly know which rendition it was since it was a bloody instrumental. living confuses me sometimes. not so much life, i think. just living.