i'm having trouble deciding whether or not i'm really enjoying myself in ottawa. it's new, i guess. i'm worried. you know how in perth at the start of yr one, i was just meeting everyone and being friendly and all and then after a few weeks everyone starts subconsciously (or maybe consciously) deciding who they wanna be good friends with or hang out with more and eat lunch with and things like tt? it's not a bad thing, it's evolution i guess. anyway, the thing is, i'll only be here for 4 months. in this time, i will have to (not HAVE TO but i truly see this as imperative if i want to enjoy myself here) unconsciously/subconsciously/consciously decide who i like and who i don't like. if i were to emotionally and socially and mentally classify everything and everyone agreeable, i know i will leave here feeling extremely empty.

karin is back in london and this is the point i start to kill my stomach. had microwaved overkept mash and cornbeef for lunch. then took some of yesterday's salad and put it in half a wrap. something happened to the pinenuts and they were extremely bitter so i buang'd the the whole thing. so sayang. this doesn't spell good news for my stomach. can't afford to eat out but i can't afford to starve. i feel queasy with uncertainty and spoilt mash.