bumped into nadia olisa on the mrt at potong pasir yesterday after leaving godma's hse after having lunch with her and napping at her place after the singing sessions at the old folks home. before i said bye, i said 'say hi to the rest for me' and she was like 'ya i will, they'll be surprised to hear i met you on the train...' and something bout how they'll be like 'oh ya wat happened to amelia' and all that and suddenly i wondered why i even said what i said. you know you didn't mean it, amelia. ya i know i didn't. what a betch, eh? haha. i guess i was just extremely desperate to dissipate the overwhelming air of awkwardness and whydoihavetobehere feeling. i did a bit of thinking (very little, in fact) and concluded that i wasn't interested in what they would have to say about me. i stopped being interested a long time ago and i've been relatively happy. so there.

met the durgs for dinner today at the usual place at wisma. talked bout the ex-relationship and i ended up getting emo on the way home, thanks to the crash test dummies.

Running into you like this without warning
is like catching a sniff of tequila in the morning
But I'll try, I'll try to keep my food down
That's quite an after-taste that you've left
now that you're not around

You can just pretend we're not in the same room
Well, alright, I'll just mosey to the bathroom
You flew by like a summer vacation
And you left me with TV-movies and a messy kitchen

I think I'll disappear now, slip out sideways
Just for awhile - but until then I'll stay in and sleep late, excuse me
I'll buy a fast car, I'll drive fast from here
There's a beach I haven't seen since last year -
It's far, but I like night drives
It just makes it nicer when I do arrive

Aren't you going to miss me?
Aren't you going to even say one thing to me anymore?

Well, you can bet that I'll forget how it was then
All the drives to your farm for the weekend
But I've seen the swimsuit magazines
And I've smelled tequila first thing in the morning

pretty much sums it up.

and then there's that magnetic fields song. i couldn't think of a better way to put it.

I don't want to get over you.
I guess I could take a sleeping pill and sleep at will
And not have to go through what I go through.
I guess I should take Prozac, right,
And just smile all night at somebody new,
Somebody not too bright but sweet and kind
who would try to get you off my mind.
I could leave this agony behind which is just what I'd do if I wanted to,
But I don't want to get over you cause
I don't want to get over love.
I could listen to my therapist, pretend you don't exist
And not have to dream of what I dream of;

I could listen to all my friends and go out again and pretend it's enough,
Or I could make a career of being blue
I could dress in black and read Camus,
Smoke clove cigarettes and drink vermouth like I was 17
that would be a scream
But I don't want to get over you.

mm i love clever lyrics like that. i wanna write a clever song like that before i die.

so i came home and looked out the living room window and looked dwn and i was half expecting to see lidong come out frm under the void deck and wave at me. emo slut. tsk, i am not an emo slut. but seriously, do you ever suddenly get the feeling that out of the blue, someone just picked you up and for no reason placed you on a different section of the timeline travelator thing? for a moment it was like that for me and it was like i had gone back in time. but obviously no lidong appeared. so i looked up at the sky and noticed for the very first time, that i could see the stars. which was strange cos i'd never noticed before that they were visible from the living rm window. i even spotted the tiny tiny tiny ones. i like surprises like that. then i thought bout what lidong would see if he were there with me. would he have spotted the tiny stars too? i'd imagined he'd have a hard time understanding how i could be so enthralled and delighted by a bunch of tiny stars. and then i concluded that this is why we're not together anymore.

because it's not in the stars, really.

(pun UNINTENDED!! really... i just thought of it. how anti-climatic. i think i totally just blew my emo post. hah. tsk, what a lame shit.)
i think it's time for bed.