:: So Sorry - feist


i can hear the raindrops starting to slap against the leaves on the hibsicus tree outside. harder then softer then harder again; the rain is indecisive. or maybe it means to be that way. we duno. and it's stopped now.


since the last time i spoke to you, dylan has been divulging details of his family life as slowly as he feels comfortable to. knowing tt he grew up in a similar environment has made me feel closer to him. made me more certain that he understands my pain and also made me understand why he thinks the way he thinks and acts the way he does. makes me not regret being with lidong cos having tt relationship has made me appreciate the way dylan and i think the same way about family, the way we understand each others' priorities. i imagine tt i'd never be able to be this appreciative if i hadn't been with lidong because dylan is almost everything tt lidong is not.

it's uncanny how we had so many near misses- both of us had worked with wilderness A but just a few months apart. he wanted to u-dub and would've stayed in currie hall if he did but all tt didn't materialise. can only imagine where else we might have met in the past. it was a nearly a miss at the inncrowd- he was spposed to stay with the hostel for only a yr but ended hanging round for 2 yrs- and then i came along. God's pretty good with timing, we both agree.

we've had some pretty fiery disputes. and i duno how many times i've cried. cos i feel all messed up inside when he gets angry. it fucks me up and it makes me want to hurt myself, which i did when he was here. it makes me die inside like how i felt like i did when mummmy and daddy fought. but me and dylan, we'll be ok because we want to be. and we don't wanna be like the parents. i hope i didn't just jinx it by saying it out.

i'm not used to saying i love you and really really meaning it. maybe this is a good time to learn.

Wait, my open eyes are sorry now
You and me are in this together
I cry, I cry cos you're not here at all
I cannot be the only one

a little misunderstanding on msn. i don't have time for this- i need to do my ilectures and the fucking assignmt. bathing is also on the list i guess. and sleeping too. i don't like it when dylan is angry cos it makes me feel fucked up insde even though it's not his fault i feel this way. i wish we could call each other and talk bout it and then he'd turn up at my door and we'd hug real tight. and then we'd lie in bed together and i'd show him how my fingers dance to music and then we'd fall asleep, nice and warm. fuck you, hmwk, fuck you.