i have dinner tonight with some of the BCs cos makcik nor is goign to oklahoma to finish up her degree. they wanna eat near selegie and the thought of being near little india is making my stomach silly with sick. my toes are curling and the palpitations are gonna split my chest open. i'm not trying to be drama; i haven't felt this anxious in a while, especially over something tt doesn't require me to perform on stage.

i've been thinking bout why i've been feeling the way i've been feeling about this whole thing and doing this helps me deal with it. i've been quite good at avoiding his facebook profile despite not deleting it. i relegated his name to my "ZZfrens" list on msn so tt i don't have to look at his stupid personal msg (the comment you cna insert after your nickname). why don't you just delete his name altogether? good question. i half don't know but i think it makes me feel better knowing tt it's there and i'm building the strength not to look at it. it's always comforting to know where i'm at in terms of personal progress. i realised last night how grateful i am to be back here. i left my tears behind so this is a good place to start again.




colouring tt me and dylan did at sweetlips fish & chips shop in freo. i only did the seaweed. i loved the way he had coloured the fish. and he'd put a lot of effort into it as well. one of my favourite pictures because it was a side of dylan not many pple got to see and it made me feel special and it made me feel he was even more special to me too. i had to take a picture of it before i threw it away.




found this in my stationery case while clearing out my room which will now be brendon's room.


the last supper i cooked for the guys in our set kitchen. stew, using ingredients alex dumped on us frm his stash and frm nat's hse- beef sausages, cabbage, carrots, canned potato leek soup, garlic, onion. with fried corned beef and rice. yum.





my door, before i left. many thanks to alex who showed his support in my diffcult time by occasionally stopping by to embellish dylan's name with illegible scribbles and surrounding it with fuckyous, sampat (i'm guessing he meant sampah), and a good punch in the nether region. i love you too, alex {:o)




















SINGAPORE. i tried to clean up the heaps of personal knick-knacks tt i've been hoarding since eons ago. got pics of a few of the interesting things i've found. lots of other stuff i forgot to take pics of but here's some of the things i never even remembered i had.






i used to keep bus tickets to make bracelets by wrapping them round rubber bands and then varnishing them. i couldn't find any of the braceelts.. they wore out pretty quick so i guess i buang'd them the last springcleaning. but anwyay, sbs tickets went with red ruberbands and the rarer yellow trans-island tickets went with the rarer green rubberbands. budget for jewellery=0$.

daddy was always good to me even though i was always mean to him. i wish i'd learnt earlier how to appreciate the stories he told bout his childhood. now tt i think bout it, they were really interesting but i was a too young to understand tt. he took trans-island buses way more often than me so he collected a whole load of them 'rare' yellow tickets. trouble is i never had enough green rubberbands. i don't even remember tt i had those old mt fraser tickets he mailed me. still, efforts much appreciated. thanks, dad. love you too.


i also found a chinese "essay" i wrote in sec2. i'm surprised the laoshi even gave me 50%. how kind. don't even recall doing this but tt's my writing allright.









terribly written, but my chinese is still so bad, i can't even tell right now how i'd improve it cos i simply don't know how. haha. anyhow, for fodder, it's pretty apt right now. i'm glad to be back.