it's so nice when things start going surprisingly well, when pleasant things happen in my life. but it's also so fucking scary; cos compared to the start of last yr, i've got so much more to lose, and i just really don't like losing things. but then there's no way out of this paradox right? i'm just driving myself crazy. nothing new. when i wake up tmr, these tears will be gone cos now tt im feeling so bad, things will only get better, yes?