one week to concert and my throat is beginning to act up even more. over the past week, i've mysteriously sustained numerous physical hurts: multiple scratches on my forearms, a bruise on my upper arms, scratches on my shin. and then yesterday, i bumped my knee against a seat on the bus, and now i have a bruise right on top of the three burn lines i got from my last ipl couple weeks back. in class yesterday, i noticed two small indentations on my knuckle. was trying to figure out where they came from then i realised they were toothmarks. i had been subconsciously biting myself just 2 mins before i noticed the marks. almost seems as if my body is bent on discreetly trying to kill myself. i went to see the doctor again today. nabei fuck of all days to do it, a public holiday. but i had to; i finished the anti-inflammatory i got from last wk's dr and my throat seems to be getting worse and my chest felt tight this morning. so anyways, this new dr i saw today was really annoying. first thing she did was shove her icecream stick right to the back of my throat. of course i tensed up... you don't need to actually prod my tonsils to see them, right?? then she did it several times until i gagged on her. can i help it i'm not linda lovelace? a left with- among other things- a box of 5 antibiotic tablets which cost a whopping 45$. insane. it'd better cure me for life, man. on the way out i bumped my knee again. it then occured to me how much of a liability i am to myself and others. i was perusing the indications leaflet in the antibiotic box just now and dsicovered tt such broad-spectrum antibiotics have been "shown to cause lesions in the cartilage of the weight bearing joints of immature animals". could it be tt my joint probs a result of having taken a silly amount of antibios my whole life? how fucking unfortunate. sometimes i'm not so sure it's better to be alive. last night, while sitting on my bed ruminating, i thought bout how strongly my emotions manifest themselves as physical afflictions on my already ailing body. why am i such an emotional basket case? i'm always in some kind of emotional pickle... you'd think i'd have learnt to steer clear of relationships by now but oh well. i've even recently scaled to an even higher peak of emotional neediness. well done, amelia. well done.