:: Soul Sister - train

i want this affinity to never end. is tt asking too much? sometimes i think bout the things i've consciously wanted for my life and how much of tt i've actually got and i feel like telling myself: it's ok, there's still time. i guess tt's true, but at the same time, it isn't. i wanted to get married by 25, so i could have time to revel in married life and work here and there, then have kids not too late.. before 30. then stop work and be a hsewife and do the things i like, otot. but now i have to deal with the fact tt it's not gonna happen quite like tt. i am not obssessive; the very fact tt i'm resigned to "dealing with it" says tt i'm not gonna force myself to rush into anything just so i can fulfil my ambitions. yet occasionally, when it dawns upon me tt i have have only one life to live (every time it dawns upon me, i feel dismayed, as if i'm knowing it for the first time. this is because i am forgetful and usually forget things i already know.). so it is true tt life passes you by real quick. when i was 15 or 16, i thought pple were just trying to be patronising when they told me tp appreciate my youth. at tt age, you feel like you've got so much time- oh i didn't get do this or tt... nehmind lah, can do next time. next time next time. if i say i felt like tt now, i'd be fooling myself. so... wat's the point of this? nothing, i guess. well done, amelia... you rant about having not enough time yet you sit here moping bout it, knowing full well tt facing a screen almost always makes real time move forward 6000times quicker.

blablablah.

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alors... où va-t-on? je voudrais savoir ce dont tu pensais. parce que moi, j'ose pas d'y penser. ce sont trop pénibles, les possibilités. mais non, non, pas de pression.. je ne que me demandais.

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daddy always complains tt he has chest pains, difficulty breathing blablah. ask him to see dr, he goes ya ya i should. but we both know he'll never make time to go. i have meetings to attend. i'm expecting a call from someone in the office in india/the us/hk. even though i know i pull this same nonsense all the time (i.e. making excuses to avoid things i know i should do asap, while complaining tt probs don't get solved), it frustrates me when daddy does it. cos sometimes i think he's gonna just die in front of me. or worst still, die when i'm not anywhere near him. basically i'm afraid he'll die and i don't think i could take yet another person i love leaving me. i know, i'm so selfish.

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terence and i finally satisfied our marmalade cravings. crab caesar - fucking yum. raspberry-honeydew-rockmelon juice - bloody good.