*sigh*... it's dragging me down, this unemotion.
my sister got into SMU (i was jumping for joy), but she's still considering NUS.
today, they smsed to say they gave my would-be job to someone older, with experience. i'm not sure how much experience is required for being a pantry-girl for 3 hrs... but apparently, i don't have enough. oh, wat the hell; no use being bitter, cos i'd gladly give my job to someone who needs the cash more than i do. but that doesn't mean i'm not disappointed. you can't imagine how excited and high i was yesterday when i got the job. i don't what's in for me now.
i'm ok with unpredictability; but sometimes, not knowing what's in for me makes me uneasy. cos not having anything ahead means i'm not going to have memories for the period of time after. to think that i'll have nothing to think about makes me wince.

i guess right now, i'm not sure if i'm living. i mean, what really constitutes living? perhaps the ability to think, feel and express? even scientifically speaking (if i'm forced to lower it to such mundanity), i can't confidently say i have a pulse. maybe i need to get out a bit, i dunno... i just feel so... threadbare?

what do you fear most? i don't mean cockroaches and stuff like that. it's not the kind of question you can answer without delving. i'm so afraid that one day, i'll forget how to feel. forget how to cry. forget how to love. i dread that day, like nothing else. i'm so afraid to say it, but something in my gut says that day has come. imposed itself without me even knowing. now even nostalgia seems so foreign, like an irrevocable thing. It’s become so bad, that even my guitar can’t offer comfort. Talk me out of this, somebody…