you know how sometimes, you want to know something so much, but then again you don't cos you're afraid th answer won't be in your favour. or maybe i'm afraid that if the answer is in my favour, then wat? - wat's it gonna prove? wat next?

i don't want to know. or do i? ambivalence yet again?
i guess one example would be my decision not ot get my iq tested again. for quite sometime, i've been wanting to go take a test (not those crappy online ones, i mean like at SGH kindof test). my mother brought me to morris allen centre and SGH to get my iq tested twice. 135, 143 respectively. ok, good for me. i wnat to know how i measure up now; but then again i don't cos i know that if i know i'm not as intelligent, it won't be so good for me. something in my gut says i'm slightly dumber now. but at least my gut isn't certified to judge.

last night i dreamt uncle jeffrey was gona kill me (literally) cos i broke my curfew. then i woke up ironically high. i love vintage sundays (gold 90fm for those who don't know). and something bout the coolness in the air stirred the pent up energy in me. danced, folded underwear, danced somemore. living the moment cos deep inside i know they're few and far between...

many pple seem to question the use of a blog. lots of pple write wat they do and stuff. but i started mine cos i guess i secretly wish that, after i die, someone will read my diary and realise why i was the way i was, why i did the things i did and why i said the things i said. and then they will realise that they never really knew me.
there's gratification in the thought of pple being enlightened; like the way sometimes you play hide-and-seek, and everyone can't find you. but after all these yrs, i thought that maybe i should give pple a chance to know wat's on my mind. cos there's usually a lot i want to say but don't. writing this blog has helped alleviate my internal conflict.
you'll never know someone till you let yourself live their life. - that's what i believe. amen

i'm still thinking: do i want to know?