uugh... why am i feeling so crappy? argh!

was very irritated yesterday - got to sch 2hrs 15mins early cos mummy sent me. andrew said he was free but he didn't call me. so went to library and plonked myself in front of the tv to watch CNBC business news (yes, i was that bored). made sevral attempts to walk round library, but it was too packed (with annoying yr 1s) for me to even move, rendering me immobile as i stood later at one corner trying to read backdated straits times. made a few calls and lots of msgs - but everyone was either outside smoking, having class or not in sch. when i finally decided that i wouldn't survive 3 hrs of tvprod without lunch, i adjourned to join the sea of pple in the atrium. the only comfortable seat i found was next to atm machine and so i sat there cramming pizza puff into my mouth.
are you feeling bored reading bout this? well, i can assure you this doesn't compare to what i felt yesterday.

it's indescribable - that horrible feeling that welled up inside as i sat there staring at the hoardes of pple streaming to fill up every empty space there was in np. ever since the start of sem, i've been a bit disoriented, feeling a bit lost all the time. it is not a nice feeling. i was just wishing for someone to hold my hand and tell that i wasn't in the wrong sch and that evrything will be ok.
maybe i was wrong when i said i've learnt to handle being alone.

this merciless uncontrollable indifference continued to haunt me today. i woke up an hour late and my mother wouldn't stop screaming at me till i left the house. the combination of waking up late, being shouted at and feeling lost was so overwhelming that i was actually crying when i got into the cab. i was so upset. i know everyone i've told is tired of me saying how upset i am today. but i really really need to talk it out. to top this all off, i've been plagued by lethargy; also, my cab fare to sch came up to $17.40.

i'm so sickened. i need to step off this locomotive and puke. thelocomotive of life?!... fuck, now even my metaphors are shitty.
my graphics card screwed up again so i have to use zehzeh's laptop now. thank goodness i'm lazy as fuck. otherwise i'd channel all this negative vibes into doing other... stuff.

looked through my basic spanish book and sudenly i regret taking another language. i better fucking be good at it. or else i'd be wasting my time.