when i picked up my guitar just now, my fingers made imprints on the dust. strummed and plucked some nonsense and watever i could remember. i just don't feel so much like playing it anymore nowadays.
went to doctor's yesterday morning, so i missed PR. then very reluctantly skipped NewsWriting and WebD so i could stay at home and rest. i've got a flu, a cough, and now asthma attacks. congratulations amelia! now doesn't this whole sickness thing seem so familiar... sometimes when i'm this sick, i just think i'd be better off dead. i mean, wat kind of a sick joke is God pulling huh? - giving someone life, then making it so difficult to live...
i think i'm beginning to sound like one of those pple who just sit and rot and wallow in self-pity. i hate tt.

the rodrigues family went back to perth today. kendal seems to like me alot. she always gives me an extra big hug and made sure she sat next to me during dinner. for some odd reason, little kids are always sticking round me, like i've got some magnetic force or something. or maybe i have a sign pasted on me saying COME PLAY WITH ME AND I'LL GIVE YOU CANDY AND WAT-NOTS. haha. JJ always laughs at my antics, hanson always wants to hold my hand and sit with me all the time. it's really quite sweet if you think bout it. most kids just seem to like me alot.

wednesday night nearing 23 00...
"i've never thought of this before - that it's possible that i am truly happiest when i'm in the present.when the persent offers favourable and savourable sentiment. that's when i am the most content.
I'm in love with this moment. the trees outside adorned with tiny drops of rain, look like Christmas tress. they sparkle with gold and silver glitter.
Glitter... that word brings back memories of those old sch times when glitter was so fashionable. haha
there's something about the grey of the sky tt makes it so pure tonight, so innocent and unpretentious. i spotted a few sparse clouds sailing in the sea of perfect grey and i felt like someone on that ship is looking down at me and feeling the same way i do now.
the occasional lightning lights up the sky, adding to the tranquility more than blemishing it. and the sound of wheels on the wet road and the soft pitter-patter of drizzle on the ground and the cool air whispering a dream to me. nothing out of place. and nothing beats this feeling. i wish i could be part of it all, not just a spectator; but standing outside, taking it in with all my senses. watching the drops of rain and feeling it caress my face...

if i die now, i'd be at peace. Perfect peace."

just now i thought of someone i loved, a friend. and to my despair, i felt contempt. i get scared when i feel things i don't understand. for example, hating someone i don't want to hate. cognitive dissonance? or so we call it...

i'm mentally sound, physically unsound. ugh. so sick.. leaking frm both ends.