it hurts so much, the pangs in my neck. when i try to keep the tears in the little container that is me. i'm a bottle tt's bout to break. i have to wipe the water away cos pple will question when they see it in my eyes. i can blast the music, i can lock the doors, but it resonates in my head. i bite my hand hard and scrunch my face. spectacles help too.
it's like i've rolled myself into a small hard ball of existence. so that if you throw me hard enough against the wall, i might just break. then bye bye amelia.

i had a talk with God last night (note tt i don't use conversation). i told him tt i forgot who he was and tt maybe he could help me remember.
-OUCH; the intensity of the previous incident drove up my shoulders and neck, making it hard to type and think well. you won't understand the agony, but i just need to tell someone-
so God said... he said... actually, i don't know what he said - perhaps listening too hard hampers my hearing.