just now only, my heart felt pinched. i'm jealous bout anything and everything, of someone - over no one.

i thought the lead of Muse was a girl. and so i thought to myself - when i first saw the video - woah, she's so... woah. if i were a guy, i'd... woah. ok let's stop here. don't get me wrong; when i said woah, i didn't mean shwing. i just meant WOAH (or WHOA, whichever way you wanna spell it). well, he's still sexy anyway.

i saw malcolm thwaites at lawry's. he didn't see/recognise me. i wonder why we called him uncle butch.

daddy is not back frm new york yet. i swear he's staying at the hse of some relative of aunty jessie's. he may earn a lot, but i don't think it's enough to cover more than a week's stay there. i sometimes talk like i've got a problem with this nonsense, but i really don't mind - as long as it's nothing at my expense, daddy can go sleep with whoever he wants. his pasal has never been much of mine anyway. please know tt i'm not saying this with any spite (i've grown into it already anyway).

i wrote a song yesterday. and now i realise it sucks. at first i thought it sounded a little like suzanne vega's Tom's Diner. but then i realised it sounded like some poser-justin timberlake song and i don't like it. so, looks like we'll have to wait for another spurt of inspiration, karin.

sometimes i wonder if i'm turning lesbian. and i think the only thing tt stops me is the memory of being with a guy and my scepticism bout whether a girl could ever offer such emotional gratification. (of course, if i were a guy, this would all not be valid, ya). and so, this would lead us to the next para. (see, i am such an eloquent writer haha)

i don't really love anyone. not even myself. [said andrew]
i'm so sorry you feel tt way (sorry for who, i don't quite know). don't worry, i am not going to launch into some nonsense bout how everyone should love themselves (i don't believe in imposing love on anyone anyway). i was thinking more along the lines of but why? he's good at it, you know. i can testify to tt (i'm not just saying this ok, andrew.) [and just so you know, i'm not nagging. i'm thinking all this]. i won't tell him to go find a girl to love. but when he does find a girl (or if she finds him first), she'd be pretty damn lucky. i love you, my nonsense friend. {:oPig (in a good way haha).

if i don't sleep now, i won't be able to wake for work tmr- wait a minute... tt's an idea... hhmmm haha.